Just Like Bert and Ernie
by The Wilting Southern Rose
Summary: John and Mary Winchester are living the apple pie life and a pregnant Mary is excited to meet the new neighbors, who are also expecting. Castiel and Dean are born and are inseparable. Growing up next to your best friend should be fun, but as Dean and Castiel discover, life isn't always peachy keen...not at first, anyway. Warning: Homophobic tendencies, swearing, abuse, and M/M.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey y'all. A little author's note before we begin~ The first few chapters are just to set the tone for the rest of the story. I hope to publish as least one chapter a week, but I may do more. Reviews and messages are very much encouraged~ I love hearing from y'all and getting feedback (and possibly requests for things you hope to see!), and I really hope that y'all stick with the story through the first few chapters... I will be adding songs to later chapters to try and add to the emotional aspect of it, but I will give more info on that later (all songs and artists will appear in order of appearance at the end of the last chapter). I hope you enjoy~**_

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Of men and mice, of mice and daggers, who is it that holds the weapon high apposed to those who cower and scurry away leaving trails of blood to ferment in the hot, hot sun? When once there was a happiness that spread through our veins like pentobarbital, sewage now rots our arteries as the toxins from the world around us enter through our broken skin. Our scars serve as our armor. Our hearts beat in place of drums. Where once upon a time turns to twice, and then trice, our happily ever after is paved in the way of gold stolen from the king's table. We write our own story. We fight our own battles. We decide whom the guillotine grasps tight in its clutches and on whom the blade sinks. We have decided that from this day forward, we shall stand together, stand strong, no longer breakable. From this day on, we are the men who stand up to the mice that once made us run and hide. We will not yield to the battle-axe of our enemies. We will always keep fighting. We will restore our lives to their once former beauty. You are the angel on my shoulder and I am the righteous man whom you pulled from Hell. You are mine and I am yours. We, standing side by side, can conquer anything.

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 **Chapter One: The Trickster**

"John, have you seen my pink platter?" John Winchester rolled his eyes as he made his way into the kitchen. His wife, Mary Winchester, was scrambling around the room, bouncing off the pale yellow walls looking for the platter that she had placed on the kitchen table not five minutes before. "I know that I put it somewhere, I just can't remember for the life of me where!" He wrapped his arms around his scatter-brained wife and kissed her flushing cheek.

"It's on the table, sweetheart," he said as he pulled his lips away from her porcelain complexion. Mary blushed harder as she playfully swatted her smart-ass husband away.

"Thank you. Now make yourself useful and start stacking," she ordered, attempting to make her sweet southern voice demanding and serious. She gestured her head in the direction of various cakes and pies and cookies that were cooling on the counter next to the kitchen sink and in the open windowsill. The white curtains fluttered around the pastries, blurring the subtle pastel design as the smell of fresh baked good sifted through the house.

"Only if you sit down for a little bit." John was now standing in front of the pastries, pointing at his wife with a pie turner in between slicing pies and putting pieces of cherry, apple, and blueberry on the platter. "Don't get me wrong, I love how much you've been baking lately, but that doesn't change the fact that you're pregnant. You shouldn't be on your feet this long." Now it was Mary's turn to roll her eyes as she pulled out one of the white finished wooden chairs and sat down, fixing her bright yellow sundress as she did so.

Ten minutes later, John had the pink platter piled high with pastries and sweets, but only after sneaking a few samples for himself. As he was stuffing the last bits of a corn muffin into his mouth, being careful as to not let any crumbs fall around his sock covered feet, he felt the familiar touch of his wife's hand gently batting his own, forcing him to lower the muffin.

"You can finish after we get back. I want to make sure the new neighbors are in when we bring these over." John gave a closed mouth smile and nodded. He could never say no to his wife, nor could he ever win an argument against her. She was just too damn cute when she got flustered and angry.

He picked up the platter and balanced it like an expert on one hand as he held open the kitchen door for his wife, who rubbed her "just beginning to show" tummy as she walked. The summer sun was warm and bright, shining down on the lush green grass of the back yard. The smell of lavender and clean cotton whirled around the couple as they mad their way past the crammed clothesline and over to the house next door. The houses were fairly close together, separated by a few yards at the most, but the yards joined nicely, gardens overflowing with flowers and white picket fences standing true as a boarder. If they were ever asked to describe their quaint little life with one word, _happiness_ would be just that.

As the Winchesters reached their side of the fence, they took notice of a small boy with golden hair playing with a plastic fire truck in the grass on the other side. John's shadow was cast over the boy, making him look up with curious golden eyes.

"Ma! Pa! There's someone here for ya!" His voice was high and squeaky, and from the sound of it, he has a slight lisp, almost a whistle with certain letters. He stood up and unlatched the fence door, stepping to the side and letting John and Mary in. As the Winchesters entered the property, a man with dark hair and a slight beard came out to greet them. Up close they could see his hair starting to salt and pepper, and how his eyes were aged but still held a sparkle. They figured he couldn't be more than ten years older than themselves. John reached out his hand with a smile.

"John Winchester. This is my wife, Mary." Mary stepped forward and shook the man's hand after John.

"We just wanted to come and welcome you to the neighborhood," she said with a warm smile.

"Well thank you," said the man with a slight southern accent. "My wife should be right out. She was just finishing something up inside. Name's Cain Shurley. Please, come and sit." John and Mary followed Cain to a small patio set and sat down. "You've already met Gabriel. Fair warning, he's a little trickster." At that moment, Gabriel came trotting over to the adults.

"Hey! You can't tell them that! Now they have one up on me!" The three adults laughed as the little one pouted, his arms crossed over his chest. "I guess this is just gonna make it more of a challenge though." Cain ruffled his son's hair. "Helloooooo, I'm Gabe. I'm four years old!" The little trickster uncrossed his arms to hold up four tiny fingers to show John and Mary. "Ma's in the kitchen with Cassie making me chocolate milk."

"You have a little sister?" Mary asked enthusiastically. She looked up from Gabriel to see a woman with bright red hair giggling as she carried a glass of milk outside.

"Not quite. I'm Anna, Cain's wife." She handed her son the glass, straw perfectly bent, and raised a brow as Gabriel blew bubbles up over the glass' rim. "And this here," she said rubbing her own pregnant tummy, "is Castiel. We're expecting him to arrive sometime around the end of September." Her smile was Photoshop white as she looked at her husband. The amount of love between them was overwhelming, making Mary wonder if they had been childhood friends or high school sweethearts. Gabriel, however, was more focused on the platter of sweets that John had placed on the table.

"Oh, how wonderful!" exclaimed Mary, drawing her attention from the radiating romance between the newly arrived couple. "We're expecting our little one at the beginning of the year."

"Two months in and Mary's already got just about everything set for the arrival." John placed his hands on his wife's shoulders, tilting his head in so that their foreheads touched ever so slightly before pulling away at the disgusted noise that come from the toddler on the grass.

"So, Gabriel," began John, only to be interrupted by the small child with chubby cheeks who insisted that he call him "Gabe." All he could do was laugh and agree. "Alright, Gabe. Are you excited to be a big brother?" Gabe shook his head dramatically.

"I'm gonna teach him how to pull all of the good pranks. He's gonna be my partner in crime."

"Gabriel!"

"What, Ma?" Anna simply shook her head.

"I'm hoping that Castiel will be better behaved than Gabriel."

"We both are," commented Cain in a joking yet loving manner. Gabriel pouted again, only to smile when John took the platter down from the table and offered it to the boy.

"Thanks, Mr. Win…Winchest…Winchesthair!"

"Winchester, Gabriel. Not Winchesthair." Gabriel blushed at his father's correction.

"Sorry, Pa. Thanks, Mr. Winchester." Gabriel took a chocolate chip muffin off of the platter and practically swallowed it whole. The next half hour consisted of Cain and Anna explaining that Gabriel had the worst sweet tooth in the world and how they moved to Lawrence due to the atmosphere. They wanted their children to grow up in a "country" setting, and although Lawrence wasn't farmland, it was better than the city. Anna asked Mary if they had a name picked out for their baby, to which she answered that they were going to go with "Dean" or "Deanna," a namesake for her mother who had recently died, but they wanted to be surprised when it came to the baby being male or female.

Time slipped away from the neighbors and before long, Gabriel was curled up on Anna's lap, sound asleep. John and Mary returned to their home after inviting Anna, Cain, and Gabriel over for dinner the next night. John, being a good ten years younger than Cain, had offered to side with Gabriel and his pranks- not very mature for a future father, but fun nonetheless. The next night, right before dinner started, they tag-teamed and tried to scare Cain with a plastic bug. Cain, being the good father he was, played along, pretending to be frightened as the wives laughed from inside the kitchen.

The summer continued to be filled with late night conversations on the patio of either couple's residence, muffin baskets being passed back and forth with various recipes, and lots of chocolate milk.

The Forth of July was made into a big celebration, everyone gathering in the Winchester's back yard and lighting sparklers, drinking sweet tea, and setting off small fireworks. In the few weeks that had passed since the Shirley's arrival, the families had become best friends. It made perfect sense to them. Both had babies on the way, both had much in common (from John and Cain's taste in music to Mary and Anna's love of cooking and baking, to Gabriel and his sudden interest in whatever one of the adults was doing), and both spent what sometimes felt like every waking hour in the other's company. On Sundays, they would have breakfast in the Shurley's light blue, two-story home (Mary would cook and John would carry everything over) and dinner in the Winchester's pale green home, which was almost a complete copy of their neighbor's home.

Castiel was born on September 16th. Mary marveled over the baby boy and his pale skin, dark hair, and bright blue eyes. Gabriel became very protective, telling anyone who went near his baby brother that he would pull the ultimate prank on them if they did anything to hurt him.

"I can't tell ya what it'll be, but I _can_ tell ya that it'll involve whipped cream and last week's trash. I'm not afraid to go out back and get it!" Cain picked up his eldest son and carried him away from John, helping to free his pant leg from a tiny yet intimidating grip. When Gabriel had been put down for a nap, John and Cain went out to the backyard to fire up the grill for burgers, leaving Mary and Anna alone in the kitchen, which had recently been painted a very light blue.

"So what made you decide on the name 'Castiel'?" asked Mary. Anna picked up her mug and took a sip of her tea.

"My family was very religious. It was a tradition to name the boys after angels. I suppose it continued even after my parents passed. My brothers, Michael and Balthazar, they don't keep in touch. Well, Balthazar used to come around for holidays, but that stopped some time ago. The last time we…chatted…he told me that he was running off to Italy." Anna smiled down at her mug. That was the last time either of the women discussed their families.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Warnings: Homophobic tendencies and violence.**_

 **Chapter Two: Promises**

Dean Winchester was born on January 24th. His sandy hair, striking green eyes, and freckles, which were scattered across his nose and cheeks, made him a cute contrast from the newest addition to the Shurley family.

At first, Mary, Anna, and their husbands found their babies to be the most interesting things in the world, watching them roll around on a blanket in the backyard or tucking them into the same crib for a nap. As the years began to pass, however, the dynamic duo became a handful. Castiel was four and Dean was three, which meant that they were spending every moment possible together, thus becoming impressionable. Gabriel, who was eight, took full advantage of this, talking the clueless boys into doing his "dirty work" when it came to pranks, which ended sometime around when Mary's third trimester began.

It started off as a typical Tuesday night. Anna was working the night shift at the hospital and Cain was traveling for his job, meaning that Gabriel and Castiel were spending the night over at the Winchester's. John was making the three musketeers mac n' cheese with cut up hot dogs when the phone rang. Mary, being closest to it, picked it up and fell on the sofa. John rushed over to her, placing gentle hands on her shoulders as she cried. In what seemed like seconds, the three boys went from laughing at the kitchen table to sitting quietly in the waiting room of the hospital's ICU. The battle-axe had been swung for the first time.

Cain was yelling at a doctor behind closed doors. Mary and John held the boys close, telling them that everything was going to be okay. Silence fell over them as Cain entered the waiting room, his hands running over his face and through his hair as he sat down across from John. Five sets of eyes were glues to the man.

"There was an accident." He didn't look up from the floor. "A car crash. Anna was called into the operating room. They didn't have enough surgeons on hand so the nurses were put in to help where they could. The woman who was in there, they couldn't save her. When her husband found out, he freaked out. Anyone would have. But he…." Cain took a deep breath and looked up to meet John's eyes, remembering that their sons were in the room. "Boys, could you let the grown ups talk for minute?" Gabriel took Dean and Castiel by the hands and walked them out of the room. When the door clicked shut behind them, Cain leaned back in the chair, defeat engulfing him. "Her husband started pushing the doctors, trying to get through to where his wife was. Anna stepped in front of him to try and calm him down. Bastard picked up a fucking monitor that was sitting on one of the desks out there. Beat her over the head with it."

Gabriel, who has his ear pressed up against the door, clamped his eyes shut and tried to wipe away the tears that had been gathering in his eyes. He took a deep breath and turned to walk across the hall when Dean and Castiel were sitting on the stained green floor. He couldn't help but chuckle at the two of them. There was Castiel, who was sitting with his legs spread out in front of him and his head tilted looking at Gabe, and Dean, who was right up in Cassie's personal space, knees bent in front of him and bright green eyes glued to his best friend.

Cain took his sons home and sat them down in the kitchen after making them hot chocolate. Very soon after, Gabriel and Castiel were standing side by side as people they didn't know told them how sorry they were for their loss. Castiel wanted to run out of the room and be alone. He couldn't tell how much time had passed since they people started coming. He was only certain of two things: one, he wanted his mom, and two, he needed his best friend.

Almost as if Dean could red his thoughts, Castiel found himself in the three-year-old's embrace as most of the love Cain held inside of him dissipated from existence.

"It's gonna be okay, Cas. I promise."

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Two years had passed since Anna Shurley died. Gabriel was ten, Castiel was six, Dean was five, and his little brother, Sammy, was two. It was the summer before Dean and Castiel started school when Mary had the first of many Dean-related talks with John. John had taken Sam to the park to give Mary some quiet time and Dean had insisted that he stay behind to help her make dinner. Dean was sitting at the kitchen table as pasta water boiled.

"Hey mom?" His high-pitched voice had a twinge of anticipation in it. Mary sat down next to her son, bracing herself for what could possibly come out of a six-year-old's mouth. "Are me and Cas gonna be best friends forever? Like, no matter what happens?" Mary smiled at the sandy-haired boy next to her.

"If you want to be, then of course you will. Why, sweetie?"

"Welllll," he began, twiddling his thumbs under the table. "I heard Gabriel talking to his dad about how one of his friends wasn't his friend anymore. And me and Cas are starting school soon. And I don't wanna not be friends with him."

"So you're scared that once school starts, that you and Castiel wont be friends anymore." Dean nodded his head as he rubbed the back of his neck with his little hand. "Dean, I don't think you will ever have to worry about that."

"Good. 'Cause losing people you love hurts a lot, doesn't it?" Mary took a deep breath. To anyone else, it would sound as though Dean were talking about a brother. Mary, however, knew differently- mother's instinct and all that. She saw how Dean looked at Castiel, and how Castiel looked back at him. One thing you never have to worry about is little kids saying what's on their mind and acting on it. "I don't wanna lose Cas. That would hurt a lot." Dean was looking down at the table. Mary hugged her son tightly just as John and Sam were walking through the front door.

That night, Marry sat up in bed as John was brushing his teeth. Sam and Dean had been asleep for a few hours already.

"What's wrong, Mary?" John was now standing in the doorway, looking at his beautiful wife.

"For starters, that scruff on your chin." John rubbed his beard and walked over to her.

"You never complained about it before."

"Well it wasn't as wild before," she replied almost instantaneously, running her nails through the inch long strands. In return, John ran his fingers through her light blonde waves.

"That's not what's bothering you, is it?" She let out a sigh and put a hand on her husband's cheek. John stood up and shut the door before returning to their bed. Sitting down on the patch quilt throw next to his wife, he braced himself for the worst. Mary had tried to assure him that it was nothing, that it was silly, and that she was probably just overthinking the situation. When she mentioned Dean, however, John had insisted that she tell him not matter how silly it seemed.

"You love our boys, right, John?" The question threw him for a loop. Why would Mary even ask such a thing?

"Of course. Why would you ever doubt that?"

"I'm not doubting it, John."

"Mary, what's this all about?" His voice had stayed soft but gained sternness.

"You'll love our boys no matter what?"

"Mary…."

"Will you?"

"Yes. I promise" There was long pause before she spoke again.

"Dean says he loves Castiel." John looked at his wife and let out a laugh followed by a sigh of relief. He had been expecting something earth shattering, something that would make his life do a 180.

"That's pretty obvious, isn't it? They're the same age. Grown up together, so far at least. I can't think of one day they weren't apart. He's like a big brother to Dean. Of course he's gonna love him. He loves Sammy and Gabe, too." Mary didn't say anything. Instead, she bit her lip and looked into her husband's eyes. Something seemed to click. John straightened his back as his body went stiff. His lips thinned out and his eyes bulged a bit. "He's six, Mary. Don't even suggest that."

"John, I'm just saying that this might be a real possibility."

"My son is not a fairy." And that was the end of it.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Evening y'all. In hopes to move this story along at a nicer rate, and due to the overwhelming amount of time I have had to write these past couple of days, I have decided to upload another chapter today. Usually what I do with my stories is pick one or two days out of the week and name those as updating days, or, if the most current chapter has at least 100 views and enough followers request it, I will update sooner. How would y'all like me to go about this? I have up to chapter ten written so far, so either way will work. Please let me know, and as always, reviews are more than welcome~**_

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 _ **Warnings: Homophobic tendencies and violence.**_

 **Chapter Three: Second Grade Scandal**

As it turned out, Dean had nothing to worry about. Going to school with Cas only made their friendship stronger. Kindergarten and first grade flew by with the blink of an eye. They had been put in the same classes for both years, sitting next to each other whenever there was no assigned seating. While they made other friends, like Jo Harvelle, Ash, and Benny, Dean and Cas always made sure that their friendship was the strongest. He boys would eat breakfast at their own homes and race outside to the bus stop. They sat next to each other on the bus as they talked about their mornings, and were, for the most part, attached at the hips. They would alternate doing homework at the other's house, and after one was called home for dinner, they met in the back yard to play before bed. On Fridays, Cain and his boys would come over for dinner and listen with John, Mary, and Sam as the best friends shared the highlights of the week.

Gabriel, who was in fifth grade when the boys were in first, kept an eye on them when he could, and made a point of letting everyone know not to mess with his little brother and friend. That, however, did not last long. Gabriel graduated and moved on to junior high, leaving Dean and Cas to fend for themselves.

Second grade began and the boys went about their routine as per usual. Once again, they were in the same class. Jo, Ash, and Benny, however, were not. They were in the other second grade class (not that Dean and Cas minded very much). They still saw each other at lunch and recess. It was the lack of the other three kids that drew more attention to them from the older students. Dean and Castiel saw nothing wrong with how they acted. The teachers thought it was sweet to see such close friends, but a few boys in their class did not.

It was a Monday morning when John, Mary, and Cain raced to the elementary school.

Once inside the headmaster's office, they saw their sons holding bags of ice to their faces and arms, with help from the school nurse. They were sitting in plastic navy chairs looking down at the blue and white tile floor. An elderly woman standing behind the wooden desk motioned for them to sign in. Ignoring her silent demand, they filed into the part of the office where their boys were.

"What the hell happened?" demanded John, scaring the daylights out of the receptionist. Mary knelt down in front of the boys and frowned. A door to a sectioned off office squeaked open, revealing a woman with a pants suit on and hair pulled neatly back.

"Sir, I would advise you to sit down." She brushed her jacket, smoothing it out as three boys walked past her and out of the main office. "Now, I am Headmaster Naomi. I called you in to discuss the inappropriate behavior of your sons." Mary stood up, just as confused as her husband and neighbor.

"I'm sorry, what do you mean by 'inappropriate behavior'? From the looks of it I would say that our boys were the victims of whatever happened."

"Uriel, Azazel, and Luke, the three boys you just saw leave, they felt threatened by the way your boys were acting."

"And how exactly were they acting?" Cain raised a brow at the all too formal woman.

"They said we were acting like faggots." All eyes shot to Dean who was looking at them innocently. "We don't even know what a faggot is."

"That's enough of that language, Mr. Winchester," shot Naomi. "Your boys seem to be too close to each other. Now, starting tomorrow, one of them will be transferred to the other second grade class. For the remainder of their time here, they will have no classes together." John walked over to Naomi, hands clenched in fists.

"You didn't answer the question! What were our sons doing that caused second graders to beat them up? What were they doing that made three eight year olds punch them bloody? What were they doing that made their classmates feel threatened?" He was raising his voice now. Mary was hugging Castiel and Dean while Cain put a hand on John's shoulder, trying to calm him down.

Naomi cleared her throat. "Perhaps they should tell you." John looked at the boys. Castel was the first to answer.

"Jo was looking for Dean before lunch today but didn't see him because she buys lunch and Dean brings his. She had to leave early because of a doctor appointment, so when she saw me in the lunch line she told me to give him a message. She wanted to tell him that she was having a birthday party and that me and Dean were invited and then to give him a hug for her." Cas shifted his eyes from the three parents to Naomi. "She's a big hugger." Dean gave a swift nod in agreement before continuing Cas' explanation.

"So when Cas told me he also hugged me for Jo. I hugged him back, for Jo, and Azazel and Uriel and Luke walked by and called us 'faggots'. When we just looked at them they started to ask us things like if we hold hands or kiss or anything. We told them that sometimes we hold hands, like when crossing the street to the bus stop, but other than that we just watch cartoons and do homework and stuff."

"They said that they didn't believe us and then Azazel threw the first punch."

John, Mary, and Cain were furious with what they had heard. They looked at Naomi, then back at the boys, and then back to her once more.

"So what you're telling us," began Mary, "is that we got calls telling us to come in because our boys were causing trouble, only to find out that they are being punished because their classmates saw them hug, called them slanderous names, and then beat them up?"

"I called you to ask you to come in to inform you that if this behavior continues, I will be forced to take drastic measures. The safety of my students is my top priority."

"You could have fooled us," scoffed Cain.

"Mr. Winchester, Mr. Shurley, I believe your sons forgot to inform you that they fought back." John knelt down next to Dean, composing himself as best as he could.

"Dean, did you and Castiel fight back?" Dean twiddled his thumbs, a habit that he had formed from a very early age, and looked at his father.

"Only after they punched me in the eye and gave Cas a bloody nose. We hit them out of defense, Dad, we swear it!"

"And we only hit them once. Uriel never got hit. Just Luke and Azazel."

"And why did no one hit Uriel?" questioned Cain, looking down at his son who had chimed in. Castiel didn't answer. Dean stayed quiet as well. "Castiel?"

"No one hit him because he was standing off to the side laughing at us. He called us 'mud monkeys' or something like that. Said we were nothing but dirt and that him and his friends were meant to walk over faggots like me and Dean." Mary couldn't help it any more. She did her best to choke back her tears but failed.

"These boys are eight years old, and they are being discriminated against over some big misunderstanding. What is wrong with you? Can't you see that they didn't mean for any of this to happen? It isn't their fault!"

"Mrs. Winchester, I assure you, tomorrow morning everything will be solved."

"By separating them? You think that will solve things? What about the one that gets stuck in the class with those three bullies?"

"Mrs. Winchester, we will cross that bridge if and when we get to it. Now please take your boys home. When they return, I expect them to apologize to Uriel, Azazel, and Luke." Mary took the boys by their hands and all but ran out of the office with them. John and Cain followed, slamming the doors as they left.

Mary sat the boys down at the kitchen table while John and Cain went out back to bitch about what happened. John, being homophobic due to his upbringing, and Cain, being a good friend, stayed with him as he ranted and cleared his head. As much as John loved his wife, he didn't think he would be able to sit through the "gay sex talk" with two second graders. He also knew that his wife was strong enough to handle the situation.

Mary took a few deep breaths as she poured the boys some milk and cut some apple pie. She sat down across from them looked at them with big, sad eyes.

"Dean? Castiel? Do you know why those boys did what they did?" Dean was busy stuffing his face with pie, so Castiel answered.

"Is it because we're faggots?"

"Goodness, no! Please, do not use that word. It's mean and hurtful and… I should probably tell you what it means. Boys, a…that word, is used to hurt someone, specifically a boy or man, who is in a relationship with another boy or man."

"So it's used to hurt gay people?" Mary looked at Castiel, stunned.

"Castiel, how do you know that?"

"My brother Gabriel says he's part gay. He hasn't told Dad yet, though. He told me to keep it a secret, but I think that with this going on, I should tell you."

"How can you be part gay?" asked Dean.

"He says that he likes boys and girls just the same."

"So does that make him a fa-"

"Dean! Please watch your language. And no, it does not. And just so you boys know, there is nothing wrong with two men loving each other."

"Oh!" Dean perked up. "You mean like how Bert and Ernie love each other?" The kitchen door swung open and John Winchester walked inside.

"Castiel, your father's going to pick Gabe up from school. You should go with him." Castiel brought his glass and plate to the sink and looked at the Winchesters.

"I'm sorry for what happened today at school." Mary dragged him in to a bear hug.

"Don't you ever apologize for something like that, Castiel. The same goes for you, Dean. If anyone is going to say 'sorry', it's those boys who hurt you." Cas hugged Mary back and waved at Dean and John as he walked over to Cain. "I should pick Sammy up from day care…."

* * *

When they were alone, John sat down next to his son.

"Dean."

"Yeah, Dad?"

"If anyone ever tries to call you something like that again, you look them in the eye and tell them that you're not a fairy. Do I make myself clear?"

"But Mom said-"

"You're not a fairy!"

"Yes, Sir." Dean was scared. He had never seen his father so angry before- so mad at him. He had never heard him yell or scream or use that tone of voice.

"And Dean?" John got up and walked away from the table, leaving Dean alone. "Bert and Ernie are _just_ roommates."


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hey, y'all! Just a quick little author's note before we get started. I have decided that, starting next chapter, I will be listing a song or two that I think go along well with the text. The song title and artist will be under the chapter's title and I will have a little *** placed where the song "starts". I don't mean it to be there so y'all can try to listen and read at the same time, but to set the mood for the chapter that way if y'all listen to it before, you have it in your head when the scene begins. I will also place another * where it "ends" that way you can shift gears. I just think it makes the story more relatable in a way. :)_**

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 **Chapter Four: How to Ruffle Hair, 101**

The following day, Dean was moved to the other second grade class. Although he had Jo, Ash, and Benny to keep him company, he missed Castiel. Naomi had gone out of her way to make sure they boys stayed apart, even at lunch and recess. The two second grade teachers were forced take action if they were seen together. Castiel took to sitting alone at lunch and spending recess reading under one of the trees next to the playground. Dean, being the stubborn little thing he was, refused to sit with his three other friends, nor did he play with them at recess. Instead, he would walk laps around the playground and count the hours until school was over, knowing that once the bell rang, he would be able to rush to the bus and sit next to his best friend.

Castiel had just sat down in one of the first seats on the bus when he felt a weight next to him. Instinctively, he shifted his backpack to his lap to make more room for the added person. He was too busy concentrating on the jumble of kids outside to bother with small talk with strangers, that is, until he heard a familiar cough. Turning his head to look, he came face to face to Dean. A goofy, gap toothed smile broke out on the younger boy's face.

"Cas!"

"Hello, Dean." Dean hugged his best friend. "How was your day in the new class?" Dean dragged his star wars backpack onto his lap and looked out the front window.

"It was weird. I don't like it."

"Neither do I, Dean." The boys sat there in silence as the bus began to roll away from the school. Somewhere between the first and second stop, their hands found each other. By the time they reached the third stop and went to get off, their fingers were intertwined. Cas blushed and pulled his hand away from Dean's.

"What's wrong, Cas? We're home now." Dean looked at his friend who was still sitting as he stood up and made his way to the door. Cas followed silently.

"I just don't think it would be safe to do that on the bus. You never know what other kids might tell Azazel and his friends." They jumped from the final step down to the pavement below and waited for the bus to move on to the next stop. "But now that the other student's are gone…." Cas gave Dean a smirk and took his hand, leading him back to their houses. The boys giggled as they ran, enjoying the freedom of their street. By the time they reached Dean's house, Gabriel was already waiting for them in the living room, playing with Sam, who had gained a sudden interest with the oldest boy.

"Dean-o! Cassie! You're back!" The teenager picked Sam up and walked over to Dean and Cas who were still holding hands. "Your mom just had to run some errand, so she put me in charge of Sammich here. A horrible mistake on her part, but hey, what's a guy to do?"

"Gabe, come on. Let's go play!" Sam was trying to climb out of Gabriel's arms. In the midst of helping the little Winchester down, he noticed the hand holding. "Well, well, well. What's all this about?" Dean and Cas dropped their hands and went to explain, but Gabriel raised his left hand (the right one being pulled on by a four year old) and told them not to worry about it.

The boys took walked up the stairs to Dean's room and took their usual spots on the floor, taking their homework out of their backpacks and groaning as if second grade math were rocket science. Castiel was sprawled out on the wooden floor, scribbling away on his times table worksheet when he felt something rubber bounce off his forehead. A pink eraser was now lying next to his arm on the floor.

"Yes, Dean?" Blue eyes looked up to meet green ones. Dean was sitting Indian style, his hands in his lap, homework untouched.

"We're always gonna be best friends, right Cas?" Castiel sat up, his brows furrowed in confusion and his head tilted to the side.

"Of course, Dean."

"Then why don't you wanna act like my friend when we're on the bus?"

Castiel, although being so young, didn't need to think about his answer. Before he could stop himself, the words came out of his mouth like vomit. "Because I don't want anything bad to happen to you!" Realizing what he had said, he looked down at the floor. "You're my best friend. I don't want to see you get hurt again. Not like yesterday." A blush had crept over his entire face and neck. Mary returned home to find Dean and Castiel finishing their homework on the floor and Gabriel trying to pry Sam off of his leg.

"Hey, Mrs. Winchester." Mary held back a laugh. Her younger son was attempting to climb Gabriel's leg, saying things like, "don't leave me!", "you can't go!", and her favorite one yet, "Ma! Make him stay!" She put down her purse and picked her son up. "Thanks. Just gimme a second to go get Cassie."

Mary sighed at Sam as she ruffled his hair.

"You didn't do it right." She raised a brow at his comment.

"And how does one ruffle your hair right?" They were now sitting on the sofa, waiting for Dean to come down the stairs and for John to get home from work.

"Gabe does it right. Maybe he can teach you!"

"What am I teaching who now?" Gabriel was standing at the bottom of the stairs with Cas and Dean.

"Gabe! Can you teach Mommy how to ruffle my hair right?"

"I would if there was a right way to do it, Sammy, but honestly there's no real way to ruffle one's hair."

"That's not true!"

"Oh yeah? Then maybe you should demonstrate. Cassie, your bed head is longer than Dean-o's, so you go over there and let the little guy teach us all a lesson." Dean, who was looking as confused as was humanly possible, ran his hand through the short, sandy spikes of his crew cut.

"Gabriel, your hair is much longer than mine. Don't you think it would be better for him to use you as a guinea pig?" The trickster couldn't deny that he had the longest hair out of the boys. His golden locks were at his ears and still growing. With a shrug, he walked over to the sofa and knelt down in front of Sam.

"Ya gotta do it like this, Mommy." Sam, to everyone's amusement, used both hands to completely mess up Gabriel's hair. By the time he was finished with his lesson, strands of hair were sticking out in every direction. "Only ya gotta use one hand. I only used two because my hands are much smaller than Gabe's."

John Winchester came home that night to Mary cooking dinner and Dean and Sammy watching cartoons. John took his usual place at the head of the kitchen table, his sons on either side of him and Mary at the other end. He watched Dean intently as the boy ate his dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Usually when Mary made them dino chicken nuggets, Sam and Dean would make them roar up the mac n' cheese mountains and knock over the broccoli trees before dipping their heads in ketchup and devouring them. Sam was taking pleasure in doing just that, but Dean sat and ate quietly.

"How was school today, Dean?" Dean pushed his mac n' cheese around on his plate, not bothering to look at his dad.

"It was boring. I got moved to the other class."

"But aren't your other friends in your class now?"

"Yeah, but I miss Cas. They wont even let us play together at recess." Mary looked at her husband with wide, sad eyes, almost as if to say, "we need to do something." John replied with a raise of his eyebrows before turning back to his dinner.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Evening, y'all. I hope that everyone's enjoying the story so far. For those of you who have muddled through the first four "base" chapters, thank you, and it is about to pay off (I hope). It is pouring rain here and so I thought that I would upload another chapter, which not only includes the first song, but also starts to get into some feels without any homophobic tendencies from parents or swearing or...well...this is when things are really going to start changing for the boys on an emotional level. It's going to start out with small moments like the one to follow, and grow. Grow lots.**_

 _ **In the last chapter I had mentioned that when y'all see ***, that's when the song is supposed to "start" for those of you who want to listen while you read. The lyrics are broken up between the text and are in bold italics. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement with this story~ it means the world! :)**_

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 **Chapter Five: Daydreaming**

 **Song:** ** _Apocalypse Lullaby_** **by The Wailin' Jennys**

John, Mary, and Cain did what they could to talk some sense into Naomi, but nothing seemed to work. She was stubborn and set in her ways. Mary tried to reason with her, John tried to bribe her, and Cain suggested that she might understand where they were coming from better if she took the stick out of her ass. The three parents left the office an hour later, exhausted from arguing.

"So what do we do now?" asked John.

"What time is it?" The two men looked at Mary.

"Sweetie, we just walked out of Hell and you're concerned with the time?"

"Yes. The second graders have lunch at twelve thirty. We should surprise them with a visit while we're here. Try to cheer them up."

"Well," piped Cain. "In that case, it's twelve oh two." When they walked into the lunch room, they expected to see their sons with their other friends, not sitting next to each other but at least in the same general area. What they actually saw was quite different. Dean was sitting in the front right corner of the room while Castiel was sitting in the back left corner. Both boys looked miserable and both were accompanied by a teacher. Jo, Ash, and Benny sat in the middle of the room chatting amongst themselves.

"What the…. This is ridiculous." John was doing a poor job at hiding his anger. Mary began walking over to Dean, waving to Castiel in the back of the room. He smiled and gave a small wave back and then turned his attention to his father who was trying to calm John down. The two men made their way over to Castiel and sat down across from him.

"Hey Dad. Hello Mr. Winchester."

"Hey there, son." Castiel tilted his head before letting his squeaky voice escape again.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No, son. We're just here to say hi is all," replied Cain, his deep voice hushed. He and John made idle small talk, or what passed as it for a second grader, while Mary and Dean chatted about his day so far in the opposite corner. John looked over his shoulder and saw his son cheer up a bit at the sight of his mom.

"What did Azazel say we did this time, Mom?" Mary moved, taking the seat next to Dean rather than the one across from him.

"Now what makes you think we're here because you're in trouble?"

"Because Azazel's a liar and whatever he says goes." Mary crossed her arms, striking one of her famous, "I'm a mother and I can show you," poses.

"Dean, he's just a second grader. I'm sure he can't have _that_ much power in this school." Dean looked down at the floor. Noticing his son curling up in his seat, John left Cain and Castiel and knelt down next to Dean.

"He's got more power than the adults think he does."

"Dean, look at me." John inched forward so that he was in whispering range of his son. "What makes you say that?"

Dean hesitated.

"Because he's Naomi's son."

That day after school, Dean and Castiel found themselves spread out in the grass. The fence between their houses had been opened, leaving a three-foot passageway to the other's property. It was there, in this gateway, that the boys kept their heads, their bodies in their own yards but their faces meeting halfway. The grass was starting to dry out, some patches already turning tan and brown despite how early into the season it was. Both boys knew that when they got up, the grass that was suffocating under their bodies would be flat and scratched up from the wriggling they had done to get comfortable.

Shades of gray and blue and white blended together to give a pre-storm life to the sky. Crisp wind pushed the few fallen leafs along the ground, edging them to the base of the still sturdy fence. Dean let out a melancholy sigh, evaporating the serene silence that had found its way to their space.

"I wish that Azazel wasn't Naomi's son. I mean, think about it, Cas. Really think about it." The younger boy was now on his hands and knees next to his friend, looking down into those striking blue eyes. He shook his head as he watched Castiel furrow his brows as if in frustration from overthinking at Dean's request. "You're thinking too hard, man. Just relax and _then_ think about it. If he wasn't her son, we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Yes, Dean. But sadly, he is her son and we are in this mess. All we can do is dream." Castiel sat up, both of them now sitting Indian style, their backs touching.***

 ** _Hurricanes will come…earthquakes break the walls…oceans rise…empires fall…._**

I like dreaming. I also like daydreaming. In my dreams it's just me and you and Sammy and Gabe and our parents and no one else because they don't matter to me. Most of the time it's just me and you, though. I like it that way."

 ** _Enter the world, light unshown. Follow heart, follow home. Here we are, light unshown- one round heart, one round home._**

Castiel had his eyes closed with his head leaned back on Dean's. The first fresh droplets of rain splashed their cheeks, running down pale skin and racing between freckles, rolling off their noses, bouncing off lashes, and refreshing their attitudes towards their small world for that moment.

 ** _Spin the speed of light. Tetrahedron blue. One last paradise you can make for you._**

Castiel's mother had told Gabriel that the angels sent the rain to wash away the bad days, and Gabriel had passed that saying down to his brother. He first shared their mother's words at her funeral.

 ** _Enter the world, light unshown. Follow heart, follow home. Here we are, light unshown- one round heart, one round home._**

 _Cain and his sons stayed behind at her grave when everyone else had left. The rain had started to fall and Cain came crashing down on his knees, sobbing. Castiel's lip quivered and he began to cry alongside his father, the man he only knew to be strong and somber. Gabriel took that moment to grab hold of his brother's hand and rub his father's back._

 ** _Faster than a ship, further than a bomb, see the glowing grid send love throughout the strong._**

 _"It's okay, Dad. It's okay. That's just Mommy letting us know it's gonna get better." Cain buried his face in his hands, curling up on his knees as Castiel kept quiet and listened to his older brother. "Don't you remember what Mommy always said? She said that the angels send the rain to wash all the bad away, and that it's always brighter after the rain stops falling- that life gets better after the rain, but we gotta wait it out first. She's up there with the angels now, Dad. She's getting rid of all the pain and sadness and telling us that we're going to be okay…."_

 ** _Enter the world, light unshown. Follow heart, follow home. Here we are, light unshown- one round heart, one round home._**

Castiel's daydreams were split. For some of them, he was with Dean. They went on adventures like Indiana Jones and saved people like Batman and Robin. They lived in a world of magic like Harry Potter and his friends. Sometimes, they were just sitting or relaxing in the grass in the space between the fence. Most of the time, however, Castiel's daydreams were much simpler. He was with his mother, and his family was whole, not broken.

 ** _Here we are, light unshown- one round heart, one round home._**

He let out a long breath, his silent tears blending in with the rain that was now pouring down on them, soaking them. Castiel didn't care. His mother was watching over him. She was sending the rain.

 ** _Here we are, light unshown- one round heart, one round home._**

Things were going to get better. He had Dean and his mother had sent the rain. Things were going to get better.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hey, y'all. This chapter is a bit longer than the others because I didn't want to split it up into two short chapters. There's also no song for this chapter because of the multiple themes. Speaking of themes, how do y'all feel about a chapter that's almost full smut? Be on the lookout for it! It will be published later this week (and it will be a two parter with the chapter that follows!).**_

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 **Warnings: Homophobic tendencies and implied abuse.**

 **Chapter Six: Bert and Ernie**

The rest of second grade had gone by without any known incidents, as did third, fourth, and fifth grade. The boys spent their days in school in different classes, using their mutual friends to send messages and hugs. Dean had always been an affectionate boy, and there was something about Castiel that made him want to express those feelings, and yet there were the rules that had been set in stone by his father and Naomi and their classmates that kept him from doing so. Little did Dean know that Castiel was harboring feelings for him as well. Fear found both boys, resulting in Castiel traveling down the road of quiet, introverted ways, and Dean making more and more female friends.

Over time, Dean and Castiel, or "Bert and Ernie" as Sam and Gabriel liked to call them when no one else was around, grew in many ways. Dean had somehow gained an inch or two on the older boy making Castiel wonder how much taller Dean would actually be if it were not for his bowlegs. Castiel had become shy unless around those he knew he could trust. The most noticeable change, however, was between them. A newfound intimacy had formed. They would spend hours sitting in silence, trapped inside the blue walls of Dean's bedroom or the red walls of Castiel's. Neither of them had to say a word. With a simple look or shift in the body, the other knew what was being said. Sometimes they would start off on different sides of the room and find themselves practically on top of each other, holding hands or invading the other's personal space thirty minutes later.

Thirty minutes became twenty.

Twenty minutes became ten.

Ten minutes became five.

Five minutes began to feel like an eternity.

It would be impossible for them to tell someone the exact moment everything vanished, the walls crumbling down and their friendship developing into something more. When they made it to the safety of their homes, personal space no longer existed. On many occasions, Dean would look up from whatever it was he was working on to find Castiel staring at him intently. He once asked the blue-eyed boy what he was doing only to hear, "I'm trying to count all of your freckles." Dean hid his smile and blush and went back to his comics, homework, or music. Those were the days that felt like they would never end; the days when wishes were made and bedtime was put off again and again so that every second could be spent together.

But every child must go to sleep at some point, and every day must turn to dusk.

It was now the morning before Dean and Castiel's graduation. The sun was shining bright, the spring air was almost finished turning into a summer breeze, and Dean couldn't wait to be done with that elementary school. He was currently stretched out in the patch of grass between the houses with Castiel, half of their bodies in the other's yard, their heads in the middle of the fence borderline.

"Things are gonna get better now, right, Cas?"

"Yes, Dean. I believe they will."

"No more teachers to keep us away from each other. It'll be nice to have classes with you again."

"That it will, Dean." The wind was blowing slightly, the blades of grass dancing around the boys. Dandelion fuzz circled them, and for the first time in a very long time, they felt hopeful. A kitchen door squeaked open, bringing them back into reality. Footsteps crunched the grass and the familiar shadows of John and Cain fell over the boys. Cain shook his head and chuckled.

"Well, John, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that these boys checked out of school early."

"Should we break the bad news to them?"

"Nah, I think we should let 'em enjoy it a little longer." Castiel tilted his head back more to get a better look at the two men while Dean shifted to balance on elbows.

"Bad news? What happened?"

"Don't worry, Dean. Nothing earth shattering." John put his hands in his pockets. "Just came to remind you that you have to be at the school soon for graduation." Dean and Cas shared a look of disgust and distress as they stood up.

"Mr. Winchester, I believe that Dean and I don't share the same definition of 'earth shattering' as you and my father."

Cain put his hand on his son's shoulder and led him into their house while John stayed to talk to Dean.

"Come on, son. Sam's inside watching the tube. We should go get him and your mom." When they walked into the house, Sam was in his only button down shirt that wasn't stained, watching Sesame Street. Marry was sitting next to him in one of her green and pink floral sundresses.

"There's our little graduate!" She stood up and walked over to Dean, checking him over for grass stains and fixing his bowtie.

"Mom, I haven't actually graduated yet."

"Shush. Don't talk back to me, young man. Now, where is that camera of mine?" She left the living room in search of her camera, mumbling to herself about never being able to find things.

"Dean! Come watch Bert and Ernie with me!"

"Sesame Street? Really, Sammy? Isn't that a little baby-ish for you?"

"Dad, Dean called my show baby-ish."

"Dean, don't make fun of the shows your brother watches. Sam, starting tomorrow, me and Dean are going to introduce you to Scooby-Doo and Mystery Inc."

"But I like Bert and Ernie. They're funny. They remind me of Dean and Cas." John clenched his fists but did his best to stay calm. He was about to say something when Dean sat down next to his little brother.

"They're pretty good friends, huh, Sammy?"

"I think they're more than friends."

"Best friends are still friends."

"No. Not best friends. I used to think they were brothers, but I dunno anymore. They kinda act like Mommy and Dad sometimes."

"They're just roommates, Sammy. Right, Dad?"

"Right, Dean. The only fairies on this show are the ones with wings."

"What's all this about fairies?" asked Mary as she put her camera into her purse. "Oh, never mind. Come on, we're going to be late!"

The graduation ceremony was short, thankfully, since it was in the 90's and muggy. The Winchesters sat with the Shurleys, trying to out-cheer the other families when their sons' names were called. Naomi presented the graduated class to the families and the freed fifth graders cheered for themselves and their classmates. The first thing that Dean and Cas did was hug each other. They made their way over to their parents and brothers who were smiling fondly at them. Mary had her camera out and ready and was posing the boys for the hundredth picture when Jo and her mother, Ellen, and father, Bobby, joined them. Jo practically threw herself on Dean in a giant bear hug, ignoring Castiel until he let a faint, "hey, Jo" slip out.

Bobby and Ellen were almost as close to the Winchesters as the Shurleys were. John had joked around about Dean and Jo dating later on down the road, which he had no problem bringing up when Jo finally let Dean out of her embrace.

"Now, John," began Ellen. Her stern voice had a light and cheery tone to it, mostly because the Roadhouse, the bar she ran, was closed for today, which meant she could relax and not worry about any drunken idiots ruining her night. "Maybe Dean has other plans." She gestured to Cas who was currently being pulled into his own hug by a girl with brown curly hair and a smile that screamed, "I'm up to no good." Castiel was obviously uncomfortable by the sudden presence of arms around him, but he eased up and let the girl hug him.

"Well, Clarence, looks like we're middle school students now!"

"Everyone, this is Meg Masters. Meg, This is my Dad, brother Gabriel, Mr. and Mrs. Winchester, their other son, Sam, and-"

"Hold on, Clarence, that's too many names to remember. I think that as long as I can remember your name and your boyfriend's name I'm good."

"I don't have a boyfriend. I'm a boy."

"Whatever, unicorn. I'll see ya next school year!" And with that, she ran off to join another group of future sixth graders. There was an awkward silence before Dean spoke up.

"I don't like her. I don't think I trust her." Jo was clinging to his arm, not letting go even if her life depended on it. John took this moment to pull Cain off to the side. They walked a few paces to a scattering of trees, just out of earshot from the lively group.

"What's botherin' you, John?" Cain lit up a cigarette and took a drag, looking calm and focused on something far off in the distance. His voice was raspy, most likely brought on by how much he had been smoking lately. John ran a hand over his face, rubbing his stubble. There was more to rub on his face- he had gained the typical "dad" weight, beer belly included. His skin gained a tan from working outside in Bobby's auto shop five days a week, and crow's feet were making a claim next to his eyes even when he wasn't scrunching his face. He took out a small flask and snuck a swig, wiping his mouth and popping in a piece of gum to hide any evidence of his early drinking from his family.

"Cain, do you think our boys are…you think they're queers?" Cain raised a brow at his neighbor.

"Well, I know mine is." John's eyes shot open in disbelief. "Gabe's always been a bit…theatrical. But the way Dean is picking up the ladies over there," he said motioning his head to where Dean was standing, Jo still attached to his arm and other girls beginning to swarm him, "I don't think you have anything to worry about. God, I hope you don't. It ain't natural."

"I didn't know that Gabriel was gay. I was talking about Castiel."

"Castiel? No. I think he's too scared of being gay."

"What makes you say that?" There was a long pause before Cain released a malicious chuckle.

"Let's just call it...father's intuition."


	7. Chapter 7

_**I'm not really quite sure how to start this author's note... This is the chapter where all hell begins to break loose. It is very long and very intense. The song that corresponds with it is still marked with ***, but I went ahead and added the lyrics into the story to try and make it more powerful. They can be seen broken up in bold italics. I am considering going back and editing some of the previous chapters to make them a bit more interesting (the English teacher in me is starting to come back- dammit, it's summer break and I just want to write in a not-so-sophisticated way!), but after rereading this one and setting it to the song, I think I may take a day or two to just focus on the fluff, twink!, and smut for the next chapters. Y'all are amazing, and to quote one of the most influential people from the SPN family..."Always Keep Fighting" ~Jared Padalecki.**_

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 _ **WARNINGS: Extreme language, homophobic tendencies, ABUSE, SELF HARM, and extreme cases of fear.**_

 **Chapter Seven: A Symphony of Blood**

 **Song:** ** _Radio_** **by He Is We**

It would have been impossible for John to hold back the smile on his face. His oldest son had just graduated elementary school, and if the forty minutes after the ceremony were foreshadowing anything, his son was going to be quite the ladies' man. He reached over to the passenger's side and took his wife's soft, delicate hand. They shared a content smile and he snuck a peek at his two boys in the rearview mirror. Dean was showing off his diploma, and Sam was taking it all in as if the piece of paper were the most amazing thing in the world. John couldn't help but think about Sam and how one day, the small, frail boy would be celebrating his own elementary school graduation. He could see it now: Samuel Winchester, his short, dark brown hair and pale skin, which he got from his mother, and his stubby nose and crooked smile trying to walk across a small stage on the school's lawn. After elementary school would come junior high, then high school, and one day, college.

As soon as they got home, Dean leapt out of his father's Black '67 Chevy Impala and raced next door. Banging on the door rapidly while trying to take off his tie to breathe better seemed to be a daunting task, but he managed just as Cain opened the door.

"Hi, Mr. Shurley!" Cain looked down on the bright eyed boy who was sporting the wide, opened mouthed, gap toothed grin.

"Well hello there, Dean. Castiel and Gabriel just changing. They'll be outside in a few minutes." Cain was shutting the door on Dean's face before anything else could be said. Dean scampered back to his own house and ran up the stairs, skipping every other one to reach his room faster. Once in his room, he quickly changed into shorts and an AC/DC tee that was just a bit too big for him. He thought about hanging his dress clothes up, like a good boy would, but the smell of hotdogs and hamburgers drew him outside to the backyard.

His feet hit the plush grass and his eyes darted around the yard for his friends.

"Dean, why don't you come and get some lemonade?" Mary was setting out plastic plates and forks and napkins on the patio table, a pitcher of fresh, cool lemonade to her left.

"I'm gonna wait for Cas and Gabe to come out first, Mom!" As if on queue, the two Shirley boys came outside. Sam ran right up to Gabriel, who picked him up in his arms and carried him back over to the Winchester yard. Gabriel's hair was getting long. So long, in fact, that he had the top half of it pulled up, making Dean think of the Jedi Padawans from Star Wars and how they sometimes pulled their hair back to show off their braid.

Gabriel congratulated Dean and asked John if he or Mary needed any help cooking or setting up before turning his full attention to the young boy in his arms. Castiel slowly made his way over to Dean, who couldn't help but notice that his eyes were a bit red and puffy. A bandage was on the inner part of his arm. Dean, who was now standing with Castiel in the fence's open doorway, gave his friend a worried look.

"What happened, Cas?" he whispered.

"Nothing happened, Dean."

"Cas, look at me. What happened? Your eyes are red." Castiel did not look up at Dean. He kept his gaze on a ladybug that was inching it's way across the points of the picket fence.

"Just allergies. Dad says they're gonna be bad this year. Worse than last year's."

"Oh. Then what happened to your arm?" Dean took hold of Castiel's wrist with one hand and poked the bandage with a finger from the other.

"Bee sting. It happened right as we were leaving. Guess I just have bad luck today." He forced out a small laugh and Dean left it at that. Their summer seemed to be a record stuck on repeat. Their days were spent riding bikes, working on packets or summer reading lists for the new school year, and checking item after item off of their summer bucket list. Their nights included cook outs and sleepovers with the occasional camp out in a tent set up in the Winchester's back yard.

August 29th was the day that changed everything. Their flawless routine came to a screeching halt. The cogs that kept their endless summer's clock running smoothly suddenly rusted and froze in their places. The sun had finally set on their endless summer.

Dean had been waiting for Castiel all day. It was the day before they started junior high school and Castiel had promised Dean that he would spend it with him. The freckle-faced boy woke up before the sun had a chance to blaze the flat fields with its golden rays. It was two in the afternoon when Dean realized that Castiel had broken his promise. That night, a melancholy Dean Winchester ate his burger in silence, not bothering to lick the BBQ sauce off of his fingers or let out an impressive belch after chugging his Mr. Pip. He went to bed early and fell asleep curled up under his blue and white plaid comforter, face buried in his pillow.

The first rays of sunshine stalked over the wooden floor and over the sheets through the open window. Dean stirred, trying to fall back asleep and ignoring the sluggish squeak of his door opening. Maybe if he kept his eyes closed long enough, he would fall asleep and wake up to find that the past twenty-four hours were all just a bad dream. That thought was shattered by the thumping of footsteps racing towards his bed and the shock that hit Dean as he bounced up from the force of another body jumping onto his bed beside him.

"Dammit, Sammy! What did I say about not waking me up?" he droned as he pulled the sheets back over his head.

"Well first of all, I wouldn't know, because I'm not Sam. Second, you were already awake." That was not Sam's voice. This voice wasn't as high. Dean sat up in bed, his Led Zeppelin shirt hanging off his shoulder revealing the dusting of freckles that traveled from his neck down his arm and back and chest. The eyes that met his were too blue to be Sam's. That smile was too shy to be Sam's. Everything that Dean saw was too Cas to be Sam's.

"Cas…?" Dean rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and yawned.

"Hello, Dean. I'm sorry about yesterday. My father needed my help with something important. Time…time slipped away from me I guess. I'm so sorry." Castiel looked ashamed. His puppy dog eyes nearing a squint as he tugged the sleeves of black button up down over his palms.

"It's okay, Cas. You just gotta make it up to me is all." Dean crawled out of his bed and rummaged around his floor for a pair of jeans that didn't have grass stains on them, pulling them on over his TMNT boxers and slapping on some deodorant under his shirt. He couldn't help but wonder if Castiel was hot under the long sleeves, but he figured he would leave it be and enjoy the morning.

"How about breakfast then? Gabriel and Sam are downstairs already. Your mom is making pancakes."

"Don't have to tell me twice!" Dean grabbed his backpack and jolted to the door. Pausing abruptly, he turned his head and watched Castiel walk over to him. "Hey, Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"I'm glad it was you and not Sammy. I don't like it when he wakes me up…but I like waking up to you…." Castiel could feel his ears turn red at the seemingly innocent comment.

Once in the kitchen, they were greeted by their siblings and parents. John was drinking his coffee, black with sugar, Cain was telling Gabriel to go easy on the Maple Syrup, Gabriel was ignoring his father completely, and Sam was watching him with bright eyes. Mary set plates down in front of the friends and gave Dean a hug. They ate quickly and made it out the door in just enough time to catch the bus, leaving Sam to Gabriel's care, who was more than happy to stay due to his first period free.

Junior High was going much better than elementary school. Dean and Castiel had most of their classes together and Azazel and his friends kept their distance. All in all, the boys felt safe at school again. While their group of friends began to expand, they still remained best friends, spending every second they could together.

It was seventh grade when Lisa entered the picture. She had brown eyes and brown hair that was usually pulled up in a neat ponytail with a ribbon. It was obvious that she had a crush on Dean, which made things awkward when Jo came around. Dean was beginning to be known as a ladies man, which Mary tried to ignore and John praised him for.

The day that John showed up at the school to drop off part of a science project was the day that he saw Jo and Lisa in a tug of war match using Dean as the rope. Dean saw his dad as a chance to escape the crazy. When John talked to him about it, Dean had insisted that Lisa was just a friend and that Jo was like the little sister he never wanted. When Dean had said goodbye to his dad and met up with Castiel for lunch, Cas asked him if he ever got tired of every girl in the school falling over themselves for him. Dean simply winked at the lunch lady as she scooped taco meat onto his tray and said that girls falling for him was all part of the fun.

Castiel frowned on the outside. Dean frowned on the inside. He wondered if he was only fooling himself, or if those around him were oblivious to his internal conflict. They were quiet for the rest of the day.

Dean and Castiel went to their own houses after school. Midterms were coming up and they had decided to study for the classes they did not have together alone. Any studying that was not of a mutual subject resulted in zero progress. Dean opened the front door and dropped his backpack on the floor. He was halfway through kicking off his boots when John walked in from the kitchen.

"There's the ladies' man. Why didn't you ever tell me you were so popular with the girls, son?" Dean felt his stomach knot up.

"It's not like that, Dad."

"Oh, come on, Dean. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, I think we've put this talk off long enough." Dean sat down on the living room couch. As John sat down next to him, the smell of whisky invaded Dean's senses. John had been drinking since he got home from the school, Dean thought.

"You already gave me 'the talk', Dad."

"No, no, not that one. The one about how to pick girls up."

"I'm not interested." The words were slipping out of Dean's mouth before he could stop them.

"Just let me give you some pointers. Those girls today were practically worshiping the ground you walk on."

"I said I'm not interested Dad. I'm not interested in pointers or how to pick up girls because I'm not interested _in_ girls!" Dean clasped his hands over his mouth, his eyes widening and his shoulders curling up around him as he stood up and backed away slowly. John's face was hard to read while he was processing the word vomit that his son had just spewed on him. He rose from the couch, the cream material holding the indent of his larger body. Fists tightened and teeth ground against each other.

"What did you say, boy?" Dean swallowed hard. His father's voice was deep and brooding. "Answer me when I speak to you!" he barked. Dean lowered his hands, keeping them at his chest as if to defend himself from whatever attack was to come.

"I said that I'm not interested in girls." Dean hit a wall. He was trapped between paint and his father.

"This better be some kind of sick joke, Dean."

"It's not…." It may have been a whisper, but it was loud enough for John to hear.

"No. No. You did not just tell me that you're some sick, fucking fairy. You're a Winchester, and that means that you're straight as an arrow, boy. No son of mine is gonna be some fucking disgrace." John punched the wall next to Dean's head, causing him to fall to the ground and curl up, covering his head with his arms. "You wanna fuck boys, is that it? Answer me!"

"Dad! Stop!"

"Shut up! You don't get to call me that. You're a faggot. A fucking faggot. An abomination to the Winchester name. You're not my son. Now _GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"_ Dean half ran and half stumbled up the stairs to his room. His mother would be home soon. He could go to her. She would make it better. He thought about how lucky he was that John hadn't laid a hand on him, how Sammy wasn't home to see the scene that had just played out. He could hear John raging up the stairs. His bedroom door didn't lock. He had to get somewhere that could keep his father away from him. He darted into the bathroom across the hall and locked the door, sitting on the floor against the white painted wood that now acted as a barrier between his face and his father's fist.***

 ** _He grew up just a little too fast…._**

Dean hid his face in his knees, his legs folded against his chest.

 ** _Lost the need it's all in his past…._**

Broken down from his father's words, he cried, soaking the denim down to his skin. John was still yelling, but he couldn't make out the words through his sobs.

 ** _I can hear him humming, from the other side of the room, guess he's got rhythm, cause he hums every time he's blue._**

John's screams stopped and the sound of footsteps echoed through the hall. The front door was ripped open and slammed shut, sending a shiver down Dean's spine.

 ** _Oh, radio, bleed me a melody. That'll make this boy cry._**

Crawling to the other side of the bathroom, he used the toilet seat to help support his body as he stood up. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pocketknife. John had given it to him and told him that it was for protection, but only in emergencies.

 ** _Oh, oh, oh, radio, bleed me a melody. That'll make him wonder why he was so cold…._**

The blade was a sadistic combination of ice and lava against his wrist. He closed his eyes and tried to think of the good things in life, like his mother and Sammy and Castiel, but his father's words overpowered those thoughts. Dean was weak. He had to protect himself from his father's fury, and this seemed like the only way.

 ** _Broken glass and a pretty face, silent mourn full of hate._**

Castiel tried to think of Dean, but his father's boots kept knocking him into reality. He was huddled up on the floor of his bedroom, his father beating him, telling him that he wasn't going to end up as some queer like his brother. That he would beat the gay out of him before it got a chance to surface.

 ** _Quiet face, silent mourn._**

A kick to the chin left Castiel spitting out blood. His father was always so careful to make sure he only beat him in places that he could cover up.

 ** _Screaming for consequence, bleeding for more._**

Cain picked his son up by the arm, fingers gripping broken flesh tight as he asked his son if he liked boys or girls. Castiel had tried to lie once before, but Cain saw through it. There was no use in trying to hide who he was. Besides, he had grown used to the abuse. It was nothing new to him.

 ** _Radio, bleed me a melody. That'll make this boy cry._**

Cain held him up with one arm and used the other to deliver a right hook to his son's ribs. Castiel's ears were ringing. His vision was going blurry. He could taste the metallic blood fill his mouth. He made the mistake of letting a tear fall onto his cheek.

 ** _Oh, oh, oh radio, bleed me a melody. That'll make him wonder why he was so cold._**

When Cain had finished his weekly beating, he lit up a cigarette. Unsatisfied with its taste, he put it out under Castiel's collarbone. He winced as his father pushed the burning end down harder, showing no sign of remorse or discomfort.

 ** _Play him a song that reminds him of a time when he wasn't tumbling down, down, tumbling down._**

Dean ripped his shirt off and threw it across the room. He undid his belt and slipped his pants off. He was a disgrace…and abomination…he might as well look like one. He carved into his skin, fresh blood drooling out of the aftermath of the small blade's sting.

 ** _Radio, bleed me a melody. That'll make this boy cry, oh, oh, oh, radio, bleed me a melody. That'll make him wonder why he was so cold…._**

He didn't hear the front door open or Mary call out his name. He didn't hear her scream when she banged on the door and he didn't answer. He didn't hear her jimmy the door open. He didn't hear her begin to cry herself when she found him collapsing to the ground. He only felt the blood and the sting and the pain of his father's words that were now branded into his skin mix together with his mother's salty tears and embrace.

 ** _Radio, radio, radio, radio, bleed me a melody._**

Now satisfied with his work, Cain left Castiel in his nearly blacked out state. Gabriel wasn't home. He didn't know about his brother being beat. If he did, he would have done something about it. Gabriel was brave like that…. Castiel was not….

 ** _Radio…._**

Castiel closed his eyes, too damaged to move, to sore to breathe, knowing that if he were to die this time, he would be put out of his misery.

 ** _That boy's got rhythm, cause he hums every time he's blue…._**

The only thing that was truly keeping Castiel in this battle was Dean. He had to pull through for Dean….

 ** _Radio…._**

Cain mentally checked off another beating in his mind's calendar, already preparing for next week's.

 ** _Radio…._**

John Winchester did not return home.


	8. Chapter 8

_**I am a horrible human being. I know that I promised y'all some twink! and smut for this chapter, and I really meant to include it, but what I ended up with were revised versions of chapters one and two and an eleven page long chapter eight...so I broke it up into two parts...and the dirty stuff y'all have been waiting ever so patiently for will be uploaded tomorrow... I am so sorry. I promise promise promise that I will have this story updated before midnight (maybe one depending on how long jury duty tomorrow goes) that way you can read all the hot and steamy stuff. Or rather, the start of it. Also, that you so much for your wonderful reviews and messages! They mean the world :) One last thing: When I went to preview the chapters, I noticed that what I had in bold (i.e. author's notes, chapter titles, songs, and the song lyrics) were not actually in bold, and it was very hard to tell that they were in italics. I also went in and re-added lines to break up the story. Please please please let me know if y'all can see bold and italics because f not then I will have to go back and re-edit the chapters to make things easier to read...**_

* * *

 **Chapter Eight: White Walls**

 **Song:** ** _All The World_** **by Kansas**

When Castiel opened his eyes, the world was spinning. He tried to lift his head from the splintering floor, but the frigidness from his father had kept him pinned down, coughing up vile and gasping for air. His lungs were burning. He needed water but was too scared to try and drink anything. He kept still for what seemed like an eternity before bracing himself on his hand and knees and standing up to the best of his ability. He used his shirt to clean up the mess of various bodily fluids before going into the bathroom to get cleaned up. He looked at the clock on his bedside table. _10:47 PM._ Gabriel was already home. He would have to be careful.

Once inside the bathroom, he locked the door behind him and turned on the shower. As the water heated up, he examined his body in the mirror. His father had done a good job on him- his best work yet. The cigarette burn was glowing red under the bone. That would be tender for a while. He would have to put a bandage over it so that his shirts wouldn't irritate it while at school. His jaw was bruised from where he was kicked. He could say that he fell. No one ever gave him a second glance at school, so they would most likely just shrug it off and keep it as him being clumsy. His ribs were sporting purple and black bruises, five and six inch sections bleeding into each other creating an undiscovered map over the green and yellow memories of the previous week.

Scabs had already formed over the gashed flesh that had reopened from last week's beating. Castiel crinkled his nose at the smell of puss and blood that erupted from the vertical slashes on his left side. That would leave a lovely scar. His chest was swollen and numb, old scars beginning to rise up from the new exposure. Running his hands through his messy raven hair, he stepped into the shower and supported himself against the wall with his stronger arm. He closed his cerulean eyes and let the water rush down over his face, pretending that it was the rain sent by his mother to wash away his father's tainted actions.

His thoughts turned to Dean. It was times like these that he wished he could tell his friend everything, but the last thing he wanted to do was drag him into this madness. Castiel winced as he turned around to let the water hit his back. The hot water had all but run out by now, but he maintained his stature under the pelting ice.

It was almost midnight when he got out of the shower. He dressed quickly and made his way down to the kitchen to find something to eat. He knew that his father was out, but he did not expect to find Gabriel sitting in the living room with a sleeping Sam curled up next to him.

"Gabriel? What happened?" Castiel's heart sunk and his stomach twisted even more when he didn't see Dean. Gabriel looked up at his brother with sympathetic eyes.

"Dean's in the hospital. Mary didn't tell me much, just that he would be there for a while. Asked if I could look after Sam until she got back. I would have woken you up, but Dad left a note saying that you were sleeping and to just tell you in the morning." Castiel was pacing around the room, eyes glued to the floor. In that moment, all of the pain he was experiencing physically went away. His best friend, his friend who he was harboring feelings for, was in the hospital. "Cassie, John ran out on them." Castiel's head shot up.

"He what?"

"You know how when I came out to Dad, how he didn't take it very well?" Castiel remembered. It was the day that their parents were called into school that day in second grade. When Gabriel got home, Cain had told him what happened. Gabriel said that there was nothing wrong with being gay or bi, and came out himself as liking both boys and girls. Cain started yelling at him, throwing a few dishes, nothing too bad. When Castiel was lone with him, that's when the battle-axe was swung again…and again…and again. Cain started beating him, telling him that if he were ever to bring a boy home, as anything more than a friend, or if he were to dare speak of being gay, that he would kill him. That he couldn't handle having two gay sons. Castiel was surprised he wasn't already dead, not from the beatings, but from the one time Cain _made_ him say that he was gay. Instead of being killed, it earned him a broken rib, which was ridden off as a bike accident.

"What does that have to do with Dean?" Gabriel carefully lifted Sam's head off of his lap and placed a throw pillow under it. He took his brother by the hand and moved into the kitchen.

"Sit down, Cassie." Castiel sat down in one of the iron chairs, shifting to get comfortable on the worn out cushion. He sat quietly as Gabriel let out a deep breath. "Apparently John had been nagging him about picking up girls- wanted to give him some advice for 'picking up chicks.' Dean said he wasn't interested, and John kept insisting. Dean snapped and told him that he wasn't interested in _girls._ John lost it. I don't know if he beat him or if Dean took it out on himself, but he's in ICU for the night. Then he's gonna be moved to…well, I'll let Mary tell you the rest when she gets home tomorrow. The doctors told her to pick up a few of his things. He's gonna be there for a long time, Cassie. It's pretty bad."

"How do you know all of this, Gabriel?"

"Because I heard the yelling. I'm the one who called Mary and told her that she needed to get home. I saw John storm out of the house, knuckles all bloody. God if he hit his kid…. No parent should ever take anything out on their kid." The words came out in hisses as Gabriel's fingers wrapped tightly around the back of one of the retro iron kitchen chairs.

 _Yeah,_ thought Castiel. _If only you knew…._

* * *

 ** _All the world's forgiving, the change is all around, and people everywhere have seen the light in what they've found. t's a happy place in the human race when all our lives are lived forgiving. All the world's for living when love is what you find. Despair and loneliness, you've got to leave them far behind._**

The room was a blinding white due to pristine walls and bleached linens and fluorescent lights about the hospital bed. The smell of chemicals infiltrated his nose every time he took a breath. It took him a minute to register where he was, but the memory of what happened began to replay itself in his head. Dean turned his head to find his mother sleeping in the chair next to the bed. Worry lines had stopped hiding on her face.

 ** _Tell the clouds to go let the feeling show- it's great when life is full of living. Everyone's aware- they know to change the world we've got to care, and people all should know…should have happened long ago…. Or could it be that I just now found out?_**

"…Mom…?" His cracking voice was weak, but Mary woke up as soon as she heard it. She all but jumped out of the chair and wrapped her arms around him, sobbing grossly into his shoulder. Dean hugged her back, unable to hold back his own tears. "I'm so sorry, Mom…."

 ** _Life I smeant to share and it means the same thing everywhere._**

"Shhh, baby, it's okay. It's okay."

 ** _Living everyday, helping people on their way…. Cause sometimes life gives everyone some doubts…._**

"Dad… Dad, he-"

 ** _Can I have some time? Is it right what I feel? At times I doubt what I normally know is real. But right now I don't know what to do and it's all because of you._**

"He's gone, Dean. He's gone. You don't have to worry anymore. He's gone and you're safe." She ran her hand through his short hair and pulled back to look at him. The guilt and shame that he felt took over his entire being.

 ** _I could tell you if I knew that you'd believe._**

"It hurts, Mom…."

 ** _As slight and elusive as life sometimes is, right or wrong, as we both know, we all can be._**

"I know it does, sweetie. I know it does. Let me go let a doctor know that you're awake." Mary stood up and tried to compose herself, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her oatmeal coloured cardigan. She was halfway to the door when Dean stopped her.

 ** _I could never have denied that I need you by my side, cause without you life don't seem that much to me._**

"I love you, Mom."

 ** _I can see an old man cry, it's his time to die and life no longer gives him any breaks. He hasn't got a home, no one to call his own. Still he tells no one that it is more than he can take._**

"I love you too, Dean." When Mary returned, she had a doctor with her. He said his name was Zachariah, and that he would be in charge of Dean while he was in the hospital. He filled Dean in on what happened after his mother found him. He had blacked out from the extensive blood loss and his body went into shock from the pain and the events that had taken place right before. Dean told them that his father didn't touch him, that he just punched the wall and screamed. He didn't dare look down at the damage he did to himself. He was still scared. Zachariah left and Mary went to get some of Dean's things from the house while he rested.

 ** _When the time is so unkind, an empty future plays in your mind. When darkness cried out to you, can you escape it? What can you do? All the world's forgetting the hate that filled our hearts. The times of selfish reasoning that keep all apart._**

A knock on the door woke him up. A nurse by the name of Hannah had come in to change the dressings on his wounds. Dean kept his eyes closed the entire time, praying that they would just let him sleep. Mary returned and the doctors moved Dean to a different room out of ICU. The walls were still white, and Dean felt like all he needed was a straightjacket to complete his mental health unit visit. He thought that he deserved to be in isolation or something along those lines.

 ** _This world was meant to share, let them know you care by making someone's life worth living._**

"Dean?" His mother's voice was soft and caring as she peeked her head into the room. "You up for a visitor?" Dean perked up as Castiel shuffled awkwardly into the room. "I have to go check on Sammy, but I'll be back later, okay, sweetie?" He nodded his head and she left, leaving him along with Castiel, who stood against the wall facing the foot of the hospital bed. The beeping of monitors was the only noise between them for a everlasting seconds.

 ** _All the world's believing that this feeling's got to stay 'till all the world is living…._**

"Don't you ever fucking do something like that again!" muttered Castiel as he ran over to Dean's side and threw his arms around him. "Don't you ever make me worry about you like again, Dean Winchester." Dean pulled his best friend down on the bed next to him, unknowingly pressing down on the fresh injuries, but Castiel didn't care. They stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms, crying until they fell asleep. Mary returned to find them cuddled up next to each other, Dean's head on Castiel's shoulder.

 ** _All the world is living…._**

"Oh, boys," she whispered to herself. "I wish that life wouldn't be so hard on you. I wish that you could just be happy...that you never had to know this kind of discrimination….the trials ahead of you..."

 ** _All the world is living…._**

* * *

Castiel spent every afternoon with Dean in the hospital. He brought him his homework and played card games with him, kept him up to date on Sam and Gabriel. Cain had apparently went to look for John when he found out what happened with Dean from Gabriel. He hadn't returned either. He had promised Mary that he would find him and talk some sense into him. Castiel knew what that meant, coming from his father, but after what he had done to Dean, he deserved it.

They were in the middle of Star Wars Episode VI when Zachariah came in and told Dean, Mary, and Castiel that Dean would be released at the end of the week. Mary thanked him and Dean made some comment about how getting out of the hospital would be the best birthday present ever.

And it was.


	9. Chapter 9

**Well everyone, it's the moment y'all have been waiting for. Hope you're ready for some feels and some underaged-first-time-exploring-another-boy's-body experience.**

 **Warnings: Underaged sexual activity**

 **Chapter Nine: Because it's my Birthday**

 **Song:** ** _Hey Jude by The Beetles_**

Mary brought Dean home the Friday before his thirteenth birthday. His cuts were mostly gone, a few more notable ones, like one on his wrist, were covered with a simple bandage and could easily be concealed with his watch. As he sat shotgun in his mom's silver-blue mini van, he wondered how many people knew about what he had done. Castiel had told him that their teachers and peers thought he had a severe cold, a bad case of the flu, pneumonia, something along those lines. As far as they were concerned, he had been home the entire time.

The towering trees passed in smudges of browns and greens and whites, leftover snow lingering on the shaded parts of branch. The road was a salted mess of mush that crunched under the wheels of the vehicle. Dean leaned his head against the window and looked on ahead, eagerly waiting to merge off the highway lanes and find himself back on the back roads he called home. He rubbed his wrist, shame engulfing him. Mary must have noticed out of the corner of her eye because she placed a tender hand on his wound.

"Almost home, Dean."

"How many people know?" he asked with a shaky voice, part of him not wanting to know the answer in fear of humiliation.

"Only me and Gabriel and Castiel. Sammy thinks you've been sick with a major case of the flu." The car turned off the highway and started to roll down a main street. Family owned Mom and Pop stores lined the way, "CLOSED" signs flipping to "OPEN" as the little town finished waking up.

"I'm glad that he didn't visit me. I didn't want him seeing me like that…. I still don't want him seeing me."

"Dean, don't talk like that."

"But, Mom, I-"

"Dean Winchester, don't you ever sell yourself short of anything. Your brother loves you. He doesn't know, and if you want, he never has to." Dean wanted to cry. He knew that his mother would always be looking out for him, protecting him and Sammy. Words never seemed to be enough to thank her.

"Hey, Mom? Why didn't I die?" Mary's breath hitched as she slowed the car to the side of the road. Turning to her son, she put the car in park and pulled him into a hug.

"Because, sweetie. Angels are watching over you. They have something great planned for you in the future and they didn't want you to miss it. They'll always be watching over you, Dean. Always." Dean wrapped his arms around his mother's and let the tears fall from his bloodshot eyes. "Shh. It's okay, baby. It's okay. The angels are watching over you. You're going to be alright." She kissed his tousled hair as they sat there, an isolated car whizzing by them every now and again.

"Hey, Jude. Don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better." Mary's soft voice swept through the mini van in a melodic whisper, they lyrics wrapping Dean in an even tighter embrace. "Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better." Dean brought his arms to his chest, just like he had when John was screaming at him. Mary took hold of one of his hands and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Hey, Jude. Don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better." Sniffling and using the sleeve of his army green jacket to wipe the snot from his freckled nose, he pulled away from Mary and gave her a quivering smile.***

 ** _And anytime you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders. For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder._**

The car went into drive and merged back onto the road. Dean was headed back to Sammy. Back to Gabriel and Castiel. Dean was headed home. Home was where he needed to be.

 ** _Nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah nah, nah nah._**

Within ten minutes they were driving along the familiar roads of Dean's school district.

 ** _Hey, Jude. Don't let me down. You have found her, now go and get her. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better._**

They passed the elementary school, then the junior high school, and were making their way along the usual route the school bus took. There were no children outside. The weather forecast was calling for snow later in the day, so perhaps they would be out then. It was still early enough for most kids to be sleeping. The hospital had released him at seven, not thirty minutes ago.

 ** _So let it out and let it in, hey, Jude, begin. You're waiting for someone to preform with. And don't you know that it's just you, hey, Jude, you'll do. The movement you need is on your shoulder._**

As they neared the house, Dean's spirits rose. His eyes were nearly clear from any evidence that he had ben crying and his smile was even starting to still from his emotions. Mary parked the car and Dean jumped out, grabbing his backpack and slamming the door in a hurried excitement. He wanted to go inside and see Sam. He wanted to hug his brother. He wanted to go next door and see Castiel.

 ** _Nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah nah, nah nah, yeah._**

Dean took a step towards the door and froze.

 ** _Hey, Jude. Don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her under your skin, then you'll begin to make it better, better, better, better, better, better, oh._**

Castiel was sitting on his front steps, waiting for him. A crooked, closed smile and sleepy puppy dog eyes plastered to his pale face. Mary told Dean that she would grab his things, and Dean, suddenly gaining his ability to move again, stampeded to the front porch, taking his best friend into his arms for a bear hug.

 ** _Nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah nah, nah nah, hey, Jude._**

If they hadn't bumped into the door, they would have fallen over and hit one of the sun-kissed rocking chairs to either side of them.

 ** _Nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah nah, nah nah, hey, Jude._**

They went inside and sat at the kitchen table, drinking hot cocoa and waiting for Sam to wake up as Mary washed Dean's clothes from the hospital.

 ** _Nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah nah, nah nah, hey, Jude._**

If it weren't for Dean's bandage covered scars, he would have been able to forget that the past two weeks had even happened. Being home, being with Castiel, being able to laugh, it felt normal. It felt good. It felt right.

 ** _Nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah nah, nah nah, hey, Jude._**

Sam stumbled down the stair around nine thirty, sleep crusties being rubbed from his eyes and blanket trailing behind him.

"Dean!" He dropped his blanket and jumped into his brother's lap. "Are you feeling better? Mommy said you had a really bad cold or something." Dean looked into his little brother's innocent eyes and laughed whole heartedly.

"Yeah. I'm all better now, though. See?" he said as he tickled his brother.

Benny, Ash, and Jo stopped by to see Dean later that day before the snow came. Their visits were short and nobody asked about the hospital, which Dean was thankful for. He went to bed early that night, falling into his own bed. He had overlooked the luxury of this comfort in the past. The hospital bed was still and hard to sleep in, and Dean didn't say anything at the time, but it smelt like death, as did the rest of the building. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillows.

Saturday arrived in a flash.

It was Dean's birthday and the Shurleys had come over to celebrate. Well, the pseudo-Shurleys had. Castiel and Gabriel had come over with their uncle, Chuck. He was introduced as Cain's younger brother, who had been watching the boys in their father's absence. Apparently, Cain had gone out looking for John. When he came back, he was not in the best of moods, and so he gladly said yes to his employer, who asked him to go on a month long business trip out of the country. Castiel was glad to have his father gone for a while, although Gabriel didn't seemed phased by it. Dean liked Chuck. He was sporadic and twitchy and a paranoid, but he fit into their bunch just fine.

Burgers, as requested by the birthday boy, and pie filled the house with what could only be described as the smell of everything good in the world. Dean had also requested that Cas stay over for the night seeing as it was his birthday _and_ a Saturday night. Mary happily said yes. Sam had asked if Gabriel could stay over as well, but Gabriel answered for Mary with a simple, "Maybe another time when I don't have a butt load of school work to do, Sammich. I can bring my book of pranks over and get you started as my minion." That was good enough for Sam.

After the burgers were devoured, Mary placed a large piece of apple pie in front of Dean.

"Make a wish, sweetie," she practically sang as she took out her camera. Dean pondered for a moment before blowing out the candle and digging into the pie. As he ate, he looked around the table at everyone. Mary was blabbering on about how fast kids grow up (which made no sense to Dean since she still called him her "little boy") while Chuck complimented her baking, Sam was trying to hide the blush that found his face when Gabriel caught him looking at him, Gabriel was ruffling Sam's hair in an attempt to embarrass him even more, and Cas was sitting next to Dean, as per usual.

"So what did you wish for, Dean?" Dean looked back over at his little brother.

"Can't tell ya, Sammy. That's between me and this piece of pie."

"Speaking of pie, Mary, do you think I could take a piece to go? Gabe's gonna start looking at colleges tomorrow meaning I gotta go with him to make sure he stays out of trouble. Can't have him getting called into a headmaster's office before he's even accepted. His father would feed me to the dogs."

Mary smiled at Chuck and got up to cut two pieces of pie. "What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

Gabe huffed and crossed his arms. "Six in the morning. But this is the one that's farthest away so the rest of the visits wont require waking up at the butt crack of dawn." After filling Mary in on Gabriel's interest in law, which shocked everyone, and their plan on visiting a school right on the boarder of Colorado, they said their goodbyes and left Castiel at the mercy of the Winchesters.

Dean and Castiel had taken the blankets off of Dean's bed, unzipped their sleeping bags, and made what they considered a pretty damn badass fort in the middle of the room. They had the largest spare sheet they could find ties to the bedposts at the foot of the bed as well as secured on the top of the dresser. Various blankets were hanging down the sides and over the television so that they could still enjoy the Indiana Jones movies from inside their fort. Cas was sitting up on the sleeping bags and blankets. Dean was face down, his feet practically next to his friend's face.

"Hey, Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas?" His eyes were glued to the screen.

"You could be doing just about anything tonight. You could be out with Jo or Lisa or any other girl from school, but instead you chose to spend the night with me. What the hell is wrong with you?" There was sarcasm in his voice, no doubt about it, but Dean still took the question with pure seriousness. He rolled over so that he was on his side looking at Castiel.

"I know I could, but it's my birthday."

"Yes, it is."

"And since it's my birthday, I can do whatever I want." Cas shifted so that he was lying next to Dean, their shoulders brushing against each other. "Hey, Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"It's my birthday."

"Yes, Dean. We've established that."

"I wanted to spend it with you because there's something that I want to try, and the thing that I want to do, I don't want to do it with Jo or Lisa."

"Dean, are you trying to talk me into some kind of Indiana Jones role play or something?" Dean laughed quietly at his friend's raised brow.

"No, Cas."

"Then what is it?" Dean bit his lip, wondering if he should just tell Cas to forget he said anything when he felt a familiar hand in his, fingers intertwining. "You know you can tell me anything, Dean." Dean turned his head and met a familiar set of bright cobalt blue eyes. "Dean?"

"Cas, you ever kiss anyone before?" Castiel, taken by surprise by his best friend's question, leaned on his arm so that he could better face the teenager next to him.

"Uhm, no," he said with a shake of his head. "I can't say I have."

"Oh. Okay, good." Both boys rubbed the backs of their necks.

"Why do you ask, Dean?"

 _No turning back. You're a Winchester and Winchesters can do anything they put their minds to. Just go for it._

"Because I was really hoping that this year the best birthday gift I got would be to share a first kiss with you." Before Castiel could say anything, Dean pressed his lips against his, chaste and tender, pulling the older boy down on him. Castiel hesitated at first, unsure of how to proceed, but slowly gave into the warm embrace below him.

"Dean…" whispered Castiel as he parted their lips for air.

"Cas?" Even in the darkness of the room Castiel could see the worry and apology building up in those green orbs, flowing around the blue and gold specks, and submerging from the growing pupils. "Cas, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Just forget it happened. Please don't be mad." Castiel put a hand on either side of Dean's head and straddled him, keeping his hips elevated so that he wasn't actually touching the boy.

"I can't forget what just happened, Dean. I'm not mad. And don't be sorry." Dean clamped his eyes shut, part of him hoping that when he opened them he would wake up from a bad dream. "Dean, look at me." He hesitantly opened one of his eyes expecting to see his best friend's face filled with rage, but what he saw instead was comfort and understanding. "You're my best friend. It's okay."

"Cas!?" In a moment's time, Dean Winchester found himself being pulled up into another kiss, chapped, full lips latching onto his, moving awkwardly against each other. Instinctively, he wrapped his legs around Castiel's torso and tried to pull him down to the floor, causing their stiffening members to come together. Rolling around on top of the blankets, their hands began to explore their bodies over their shirts. Their movements were awkward and uncoordinated, but perfect in every way.

Castiel pinned Dean down and slid his shirt up his chest just enough to reveal his nipples. "Tell me to stop if you feel uncomfortable." Dean nodded his head and watched as Castiel began to pull his sweatpants and boxers down, freeing the teenager's erect member. Looking down as if to ask for permission, Castiel waited for Dean, expecting to hear him say "stop" or push him off. Instead, Dean took one of Castiel's hands in his own and brought it down to his member, wrapping the digits over the length and pumping.

Dean turned his face into a pillow to suppress a moan. He had only touched himself a handful of times before, but it was never like this. It felt different when someone else was touching him. It felt amazing. It felt like this because it was Cas touching him. He wanted to return the favor. He looked at Castiel, who was focused on stroking his hardening erection. Castiel always got this specific look about him when he was determined to do something right. His tongue would poke out of the corner of his mouth and his eyes would squint ever so slightly. That look changed, however, when Dean's free hand found the edge of his shirt and began to pull it up.

"Dean, no."

"But, Cas-"

"Please." Please. That one little word help so much power, so much meaning, that Dean dropped his hand and went back to focusing on Castiel's touch. He could tell that Castiel was new at this. His mind began to wander. Had Castiel ever touched himself before? Did he think of him when he did? Had he ever cum?

"Oh God, Cas…." Dean bucked his hips when Castiel's nail found the slit that was now drooling droplets of pre-cum. Dean gripped the blankets and bit down on his pillow, Castiel's speed and clutch increasing with pleasurable pressure. Dean could feel a familiar sensation bubbling inside of him. He wanted to be able to scream Castiel's name. He wanted to be able to kiss him again.

"Dean?" That was all it took. Dean came, spunk shooting out onto Castiel's hand and the blankets.

"Cas…." Dean wasn't sure what to say. There were so many things running through his head, so many wonderful things, but he settled on a name instead. He feared that if he thought too much on it, John would creep into his mind and make his night one or terror. It was too soon to travel down that road, and he didn't dare go near it with Castiel around. And what if Castiel didn't feel the same way about him? What if he thought that Dean was just curious and wanted to explore a little? What if this was all just a pity party? Dean shook his head, shoving all of those bad thoughts into a corner in the farthest part of his mind.

Chapped lips found his again as Castiel kissed him tenderly, throwing a blanket that was used to clean up Dean's mess off to the side.

"Happy birthday, Dean." Castiel and Dean fell asleep next to each other, both fully clothed, and both still afraid to actually admit their feelings for the other.

 _Being thirteen is gonna be hard,_ thought Dean, thinking of what the future would hold for him in this new stage of life where he was called a teenager. _But at least it started off great, and at least I got to kiss him again._


	10. Chapter 10

**Warnings: Sexual situations and brief language.**

 **Chapter Ten: It's Only Natural for Prom Night**

 **Song:** ** _If This Is It_** **by Huey Lewis and the News**

"Dean, what are you doing?" Castiel's voice was raspy and irritated. His focused blues were streaming over line after line of his leather bound "Complete Works of Shakespeare" novel. "Dean. Dean, stop that. I need to focus." A long finger pushed rectangular glasses back up to the bridge of his nose, the arch resting on the slight bump.

"But I'm bored and you've been reading for the past two hours," replied the anxious boy as he bounced a tennis ball off of the wall next to his best friend's head.

"I've been reading for the past two hours because I have an exam in Crowley's class tomorrow on God only knows what about Shakespeare." He turned one of the golden lined pages, taking in the beautiful sound of crisp pages turning, fluttering down against those which had already been exposed to his intense gaze.

"I swear, if I didn't know any better, I would say that man's the devil." Dean stopped bouncing the ball. "You can afford to take a break though. You know Shakespeare, and every other English author for that matter, better than Crowley! You could ace that class and never open a book."

"Half of the class thinks I haven't. The copy I received in class never left my locker unless needed for class. I prefer to use my own copy whenever I can." Dean tilted his head back on the wooden swivel chair he had taken out of Gabriel's room years ago and never bothered to return. Gabriel had never said anything about it, as he was at college now and was hardly ever home to use the desk in his bedroom. His flannel hung open, red, maroon, and orange stripes overlapping on white and grey hung down at his sides, framing his prized Led Zeppelin band tee. He rolled the sleeves up and scooted over towards Castiel.

Castiel looked to his right to see Dean, arms bent and resting on his knees, piercing green eyes locked on him.

"Dean."

"Cas?" Dean was using everything he had in him to not lunge forward and press his lips against the chapped, full ones in front of him. They had never talked about that night five years ago. Since then, they had conquered the final years of junior high and their first three years of high school. Girls continued to throw themselves over Dean while Castiel stood idly by and shook his head in disapproval. Dean had taken girls out on dates, yes, but he was never one for relationships. Castiel had the occasional date himself, but whatever happened on them was kept a secret. Dean didn't pry. He didn't want to know.

"Dean, are you alright?" Shaking his head to help snap him back into reality, he took note of Castiel and his oh so familiar head tilt.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good." He straightened up and slapped one of his palms on his lived in jeans. "Just starving is all."

"You should get something to eat then." Dean huffed and stood up, moving so that he was positioned behind the older boy.

"Or…." Castiel didn't like the tone in his voice. It was mischievous and untrustworthy and all together perfect. Dammit. Dan reached over Castiel's shoulder and tugged the book from his grasp, causing him to turn around in his chair and give his best, "you aren't fucking serious" look. "Or we could go and get something. Like a burger."

Castiel huffed humorously and stood up, grabbing his keys off of his desk. Dean smiled wolfishly, crinkling his nose and squinting before he took Castiel by his sweatshirt sleeve and pulled him down the stairs.

"Man, how are you not sweating bullets in that thing?" Dean, sitting shotgun in Castiel's olive green '67 Ford Falcon, was looking him up and down. Castiel shrugged.

"Just got cold is all."

"Dude, it's in the seventies today. How are you cold?"

"Do you want a burger or not? Because I will make you walk if you keep asking questions." Dean kept his mouth shut, turning on the radio to one of the preset stations. One of the many great things about Cas was that he had amazing taste in music. He loved classic rock, despised rap and techno, listened to something from their generation every now and again, but not often. Just like Dean. They pulled in front of a local mom and pop diner just as Dean was belting out the chorus of _Tiny Dancer._

"So hold me closer, Tony Danza!"

"Dean, you do know that the lyrics are, 'so hold me closer, tiny dancer,' right?"

"Yeah, I know. Just gotta make sure you're paying attention is all." Castiel put his car into park and they made their way to the diner's door. Once seated in a booth, a waitress by the name of Bella came to take their orders. Dean turned on his charm, winking at her and flirting while he ordered a double bacon cheeseburger, heavy on the onions, and a Mr. Pip. Castiel ordered the same, not bothering to flirt.

"Rumor has it that Lisa wants to ask you to prom." Dean made a face that was a mixture of constipation and disgust, causing Castiel to laugh and nearly choke on his drink that had been placed in front of him almost immediately after ordering it. "What? The great Dean Winchester isn't interested in showing up to a school dance with a beautiful girl on his arm?" _I'd rather show up with a beautiful man on my arm,_ Dean thought.

"I dunno, man. Lisa's nice and all. Hot, too. But she's clingy."

"And yet you are still going out with her?"

"We aren't really going out. I don't do relationships."

"Does she know that?" Bella was back at the table, presenting their burgers to them.

"Thanks, sugar." Dean winked at her again, but she only scoffed. He picked up the bottle of ketchup and shaking it. "I don't think so, Cas. I mean, the other night we were texting and she asked what I was planning on doing after graduation. Told her that me and you were headed off to college. She didn't reply for a long time." He took a bite of his burger and moaned sinfully.

"And when she did?"

"And when she did she went off about how she was staying here to become a yoga instructor and that we would just have to make long distance work. I think she's crazy. When I said no to that, she told me that she would be waiting for me when I got back." Dean shuttered and took another bite of the heavenly sandwich in his hands.

"You should still go. If she asks that is."

"I thought we were gonna have a terminator marathon?"

"I'm just saying, Dean. You might actually have fun." Dean doubted he would have fun at prom, but he told Cas that if Lisa asked, he would go. And sure enough, the next day at school, Lisa came bouncing up to him in her Colts cheerleader uniform and asked him to prom. Actually, she asked him if he was going to ask her, which in Dean's eyes was essentially the same thing. She had even arranged a date for Castiel. Dean's gut sunk at the notion.

Mary was thrilled when Dean and Castiel got home that day and announced that they were going to prom. Her excitement died a bit, of course, when Dean told her that he was going with Lisa and that Cas was going with her friend, Meg. Sam just laughed at them and asked his brother if he was going to rent one of those powder blue tuxes with the ruffled shirt, which earned him a punch in the arm and a loving, "Bitch."

Prom was in two weeks. In two weeks Baby would be full of teenage girl and puffy prom dresses and the smell of flowers and perfume masking the erotic smell of leather and oil and engine fluid, of the mixture that Dean and Castiel's colognes had left from years of driving around in the '67 Chevy Impala as passengers before they got their licenses. Dean would have to slow dance with Lisa while watching Meg take over Castiel. Fun….

It was almost five o'clock when Dean decided he should start getting ready for prom. He gave Baby a once over and then got in the shower, not caring if he completely washed the stench of the day away or not. He was a mechanic, or rather, he was learning and practicing the trade. The smell was part of him. He stepped out of the shower and dried off, running his fingers through his hair and spiking it with a little gel. He brushed his teeth for good measure. Lisa would probably want to kiss him, and he didn't mind kissing girls, it just wasn't the same…because Cas wasn't a girl.

He walked back to his room and closed the door, pulling on clean boxers and reaching for his tux. He stopped and looked at his outstretched arm. The gash on his wrist that had scarred over when he was twelve was screaming at him.

"You don't control me anymore…" he muttered. He knew that was a lie. Years after the incident he still hid his marks and waltzed around acting like a womanizer. Like his father wanted him to. Once he had his tux on, he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked pretty damn good all dapper. Tucking the prom tickets in his jacket, he could hear the faint sound of music flowing from his mother's record player. He felt bad going- he didn't want to leave her- but she had insisted. Huey Lewis and the News echoed through the living room and into the kitchen where the smell of apple pie was emerging. Now he really didn't want to leave.***

 ** _I've been phoning, night and morning, I heard you say, "Tell him I'm not home."_**

Dean leaned against the doorway of the kitchen and watched his mother sway to the music. She turned around and gasped, causing a smirk to creep across her son's face.

 ** _Now you're confessing, but I'm still guessing. I've been your fool for so, so long._**

He all but sauntered towards her and took her hands, dancing with her around the kitchen like he used to do as a little boy. Sammy would never let him live this down if he saw it, but Dean didn't care.

 ** _Girl, don't lie just to save my feelings. Girl, don't cry and tell me nothing's wrong. Girl, don't try to make up phony reasons. I'd rather leave than never believe._**

Dean twirled Mary around, her pink floral sundress a sharp contrast to his black suit. Above the music they could hear a knock at the kitchen door followed by it being pushed open carefully. Dean stopped cold, Mary doing the same, grinning from ear to ear from the expression on her son's face. Castiel, in his own tux, was standing there watching them, his hands sunken in his pockets and hair slightly less messy.

"Cas…."

 ** _If this is it, I want to know. If this ain't love you better let me go. If this is it, I want to know. If this ain't love, baby, just say so._**

"Hello, Dean." The corner of his mouth twitched up into a smile at the sight of Dean in his formalwear, a slight blush crossing his cheeks. Mary looked back and forth between the two boys, still swaying even though Dean had stopped. Castiel playfully raised a brow. "Expecting someone else? I mean, someone had to come over early and make sure you weren't planning on wearing jeans and a flannel."

 ** _You've been thinking and I've been drinking. We both know that it's just not right._**

"Cas, take over for me and dance with Mom, okay?" And just like that, Dean was off, running back up the stairs.

 ** _Now you're pretending that it's not ending. You'll say anything to avoid a fight._**

Castiel took a step forward and held out his hand to Mary, who happily took it. He spun her around the kitchen, one hand gently on her tiny waist and the other hand holding hers.

 ** _Girl, don't lie and tell me that you need me. Girl, don't cry and tell me nothing's wrong._**

Dean shifted uncomfortably in his now too-tight pants. Making quick work of pushing them to the floor, he leaned forward over the sink, balancing himself with one hand on the wall as his other found his hard on.

 ** _I'll be all right, one way or another, so let me go or make me want to stay. If this is it…._**

Using the small bottle of lotion that was kept in the medicine cabinet, he lathered up his member and began stroking furiously, biting his lip in order to keep quiet. He hunched over as he increased the pressure of his hand, digits twisting as they reached the head, shining with pre-cum.

 ** _Please let me know. If this ain't love you'd better let me go. If this is it, I want to know. If this ain't love, baby, just say so._**

He pictured Castiel in his tux, how it fit his form perfectly, showing off his shoulder to waist proportion. Dean wondered what his chest looked like. If it was smooth or if he had a dusting of chest hair. If his hip bones popped out or if they were hidden under lithe muscle.

 ** _If this is it, I want to know. If this ain't love, baby, just say so._**

He threw off his jacket and undid his tie, sweat starting to develop on his temples. Dammit. Meg must be wearing a blue dress because the tie Castiel had on made his eyes pop something wonderful. Dean tried to imagine what it would be like to have those blue eyes locked on his, looking up at him with those plump lips wrapped around this throbbing….

 ** _If this is it, please let me know (I wanna know). If this is it (if this is it), please let me know (I gotta know)._**

Dean's head tilted back as hot cum shot out of his dick, painting the sink and counter.

 ** _If this is it (you better let me know), please let me know (just say so). If this is it, please let me know…._**

Dean quickly cleaned up his mess and sprayed on more cologne. He slipped on his jacket and fixed his tie and made his way back down the stairs. He had just gotten off to his best friend of eighteen years while said friend was in his kitchen dancing with his mother just moments before they were to escort two beautiful girls to a dance. Shit.

"Sorry. Almost forgot the tickets. Lisa would have killed me." Dean didn't make eye contact with either of them. Instead he pulled out a Pepsi from the fridge and chugged it. Mary had gotten two syllables out before Dean announced that they should go pick up Lisa and Meg.

Dean and Castiel got into baby and Mary got into her own car. She had insisted on going with them to take pictures, and Dean had known right then and there that no would not be an acceptable answer.

Both girls were at Lisa's house- a fifteen minute drive. Dean had guessed correctly when he assumed that Meg would be wearing blue. Lisa had opted for a white dress, which Meant that Dean could get away with a black tie. He didn't like the white dress. It felt too much like a wedding, what with the colour scheme and the pictures and the dancing later, but he put on a smile, made nice with the parents, and posed for pictures. Lisa, it seemed, didn't want to let go of him.

"Okay, okay, enough group and couple pictures!" exclaimed Mary. "I want to get one of these two beautiful ladies together and then one of these two idiots," she said as she tilted her head towards the boys. Meg and Lisa were more than happy to have their pictures taken, giving Dean a chance to escape her clutches and pull Cas to the side. They stood just a little too close for comfort by the looks the other parents were giving them. Dean didn't mind though. Neither did Castiel. They had always stood too close together. When it came to them, personal space didn't exist. Dean turned his head to whisper something to Castiel, smile still plastered on his face as he chewed on a stick of gum. Whatever Dean said made Castiel tilt his head down and laugh, bright red creeping over both of their faces.

"Okay, you two, get your butts back over here." Lisa and Meg's parents were talking to the girls by the Impala, leaving Mary alone with her son and his friend. They stood a foot away from each other, both putting their hands in their pockets and looking like they had been posed- facial expressions and all. Marry huffed and told them to go have fun, waving them off and climbing back into her mini van. Dean was about to get into the driver's seat when Lisa's father pulled him off to the side.

The man was intimidating to everyone else, but Dean had seen enough angry parents, or in his case, parent, to not be frightened.

"If you so much as touch her, if you so much as hurt her, I will kill you." Dean wanted to roll his eyes. He was getting sick of hearing the "don't hurt my baby girl" talk. Lisa's father had given him the same little speech when they first met.

"I wouldn't dream of it, sir."

The prom was just as boring as Dean thought it would be. Dinner was a buffet without any pie and Meg was hogging Cas, leaving Dean at Lisa's mercy. Whenever a slow song came on, she would take him by the hand and pull him in closer, telling him that he could put her hands on her or move them lower or this or that. Dean moved with the music but was more focused on Castiel and Meg, who had somehow ended up on the other side of the dance floor. He could just make out their lips moving. As he thought about what they could be talking about, he felt a sudden burst of jealousy wash over him.

"So tell me, Clarence, why are you here with me and not Ken Doll over there?" Meg's voice had a certain crispy bitterness to it, usually accompanied by sarcasm or loathing.

"I don't know what you mean, Meg."

"Don't play coy, I know what you really are." Castiel licked his top lip and brought his eyes up to the ceiling of the hotel ballroom.

"And what might that be?"

"A unicorn, of course." Castiel looked down at her, titling his head and trying to process her words. "A unicorn is a magic creature, Clarence. It's rare. It's special. I see the way you and Ken Doll look at each other. He's your unicorn and you're his."

"I don't understand."

"The only reason you're here is because Dean is here with Lisa."

"No it's not."

"So you're not just using me as some kind of queer cover up?"

"No."

"Then kiss me, Clarence." His eyes shot open at her request. "I said, kiss me." Before he could say or do anything, Meg had her hands on either side of his face, pulling him down into a kiss. Castiel winced and closed his eyes tightly, hoping that this was just a cruel joke of a nightmare. He wished he didn't close his eyes. God, did he wish he didn't close his eyes. He wished he had just pulled away or stopped her or anything but let her kiss him because when he opened his eyes, there was Dean.

Standing next to Lisa.

Looking at them.

Meg pulled away from the kiss and Castiel removed his hands from her waist, clearing his throat awkwardly, unsure of what to say.

"Well hey there, guys," taunted Meg. "What's wrong, Dean? You want to tap in for me?" Dean didn't say anything. He didn't look at Castiel. Instead he took Lisa by the hand and led her out of the dance and back to the Impala. He unlocked Baby and held open the door to the back seat for her, following her in and kissing her deeply. But the kiss was empty, just like the kisses before were.

He brought a calloused hand to her breast and tugged on the neckline of her strapless, gaudy dress, using the other hand to push away the curls that had fallen into her face. He kissed his way down her delicate neck, thumbing over one of her perky pink tits. His heart was being tugged at the strings. This wasn't right. This wasn't Cas.

Lisa wrapped her legs around Dean's waist as she pulled the skirt of her dress up to reveal a white lace thong that was already starting to become saturated by her wet sex. Dean pulled her in for another kiss. Lisa moaned as she moved back, her head resting against fogging window. Ravenous with built up sexual frustration, Dean began to tug off her thong, knowing very well that he was being watched by her brown doe-like eyes. Brown eyes, not blue. Tan skin, not pale skin. Lisa, not Castiel.

Dean pulled back, grabbing his jacket and rushing out of the car. Shaking fingers trembled through his hair as he paced back and forth, wide eyes shifting from place to place frantically.

"Dean? Dean, what the fuck?" He didn't look at Lisa.

"I can't do this." Her dress made a ruffling noise as she climbed out of Baby.

"Why the hell not?" He took a deep breath and swallowed his pride, his past, and every proud word of encouragement that John could be giving him, and turned to face her. _Because I'm gay,_ he thought. He wanted to say those words, to tell her everything. She deserved an answer. She deserved the truth.

"Because I would only be using you." She took a step forward, adjusting her neckline. Her hands found his bicep, stroking them seductively.

"Then use me."

"No." It came out a bit more firm than he had intended it to be, but the astonished look on Lisa's face made it clear that he had made his point. Dean shrugged his arm and her hands fell from it. Using the back of her hand, she wiped the rest of her shimmering pink lip-gloss off and headed back inside to the dance.

Dean was shaking when Castiel found him in the parking lot.

"Dean? Dean, what happened? Lisa just ran past me halfway through her Incredible Hulk transformation." Dean had both of his hands supporting him on Baby's hood, his jacket tossed over his shoulder. He could feel Castiel's hand being placed on his shoulder, his thumb rubbing small circles over his shirt.

"Why aren't you in there with Meg?" His words were a bitter snap, but Castiel did not retreat.

"Because I would rather be here with you."

"Really? Cause it looked to me like she was gonna give you a real good time."

"She was." Dean's head whipped around to see his friend. His hair didn't look any more out of place than it usually did. His tie was in pristine condition and his shirt had hardly and wrinkles. "But I refused her. The only reason I went with her tonight is because you were going with Lisa and she needed a date. She persisted and I told her that she could find a different ride home. Now, Dean, what ha-" Before he could finish, Dean had his arms around him, squeezing him tightly.

"I couldn't do it," he mumbled into the nook between Castiel's neck and shoulder. "I couldn't do it. I tried to, but I couldn't." Castiel rubbed Dean's back as he returned the hug.

"It's okay, Dean. It's okay. Let's just go home, okay?"

The open window made a perfect entranceway for the night breeze. The flickering green lights on his clock told Dean that it was three forty-seven in the morning. He had been home since midnight and unable to sleep. He got out of bed and looked around for a pair of sweatpants. If he ended up going downstairs, he would need to be wearing more than just a ratty old tee and maroon boxers, just in case his mom heard him and came down to see what was going on. He sat at his desk and pulled open the curtains. Tonight, two things were completely inevitable.

One: He had the perfect view of the stars flickering above him in the dark purple sky, dancing just for him to a silent symphony of emotions until he fell asleep.

Two: He was in love with Castiel.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Hey y'all! For those of you here in the States, hope you're having a great 4th of July! To everyone else, I hope that you're having a wonderful Saturday! I will be posting two chapters today (or at least before sunrise tomorrow...) This chapter is a bit shorter than the past ones, but with good reason. Please tune in around one or two in the morning for a completely different type of fireworks ;)**_

 **Chapter Eleven: PTDS (Please Tell Dean Something)**

 **Song: Patience by Guns n' Roses**

He was in love with Castiel.

Suddenly he was struck by lighting, his heart becoming thunder, rumbling in his chest. He stood up and backed away from the window slowly. Nails found his scalp and dragged rapidly, eyes popping open as the world dizzied around him. His breathing uneven and forced, Dean suddenly came to a stop. Standing in his doorway was John Winchester.

"Get…away from…me…. Go away. You…you aren't real…. You're not…really…here," he choked out as he panted, falling to his knees. John stood there, motionless, just as stone cold as he had always been. "Why…are you here…. What do…you…want from me?" Dean could feel the familiar burn of tears start to form. His fingertips were digging into the wood of his floor and his body shook spontaneously. He lifted his head, already ashamed of his crying and his emotions, and met his father's gaze.

The battle-axe was out. Now all that was left to do was wait for John to swing.

He took a step closer to his son.

"Dad. Dad, stop. Stop, I can explain…."

One more step.

"Dad." Dean put his hands out like they created a barrier between his body and the axe wielder.

One more step.

"Dad, please…."

One more step. Then another. And another.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I tried. I tried and I failed…. I'm a failure. I'm sorry." Dean's head hit the floor between his knees. John raised the battle-axe.

"No, Dean. You didn't." The axe was swung.

Dean Winchester woke up on his bedroom floor, curled into the fetal position. His eyes were stinging from crying. He looked around his room but found no sign of his father. His father was gone. For all anybody knew, his father was dead.

He climbed onto his bed and caught his breath. _How much of last night was a dream?_ The sun was already shining. He closed his eyes and tried to remember, hoping that those feelings he felt were part of the dream.

They weren't.

Dean Winchester was in love with his best friend. His very male best friend. His very male best friend who was, for all he knew, straight. His very male best friend, who was straight, who was an emotional trigger to his own fucked up PTSD his father gave him. He wanted to lock himself in his room, but the door didn't lock. He wanted to run, but where would he run to? He wanted to scream, but he had spent the last handful of years keeping the doors to his own personal torture chamber closed, and he wasn't about to start opening them for his family to see.

Today was Saturday. Sam usually spent Saturday with his friends. Mary usually spent Saturday running errands. Saturdays meant that he had the house to himself.

Dean took his time navigating the stairs. He still felt shaky from the prior night's events, real or not. The house was quiet. The lights were all off and all of the windows were closed. A sigh of relief left his lips and his nose curled. He should have brushed his teeth before he came downstairs. Oh well. As he turned to go into the kitchen, he saw Mary sitting at the table looking through pictures.

"What are those from?" Mary looked up from the pictures and smiled at her son.

"Last night. I just love next day photo printing. Come and look at them with me?" Dean hesitated. Last night was not a fun night, but here was his mother waving him over and looking ecstatic. Reluctantly, Dean sat down next to her and watched as she flipped through the photos. The first one was of him and Lisa. John would have made some kind of crude comment about the irony of her white dress and his stud of a son. The next picture was of Castiel and Meg. Dean found himself wondering what Cain would say about the copies he would get. A very large part of him wanted to get up and leave or rip up the picture.

He hated this. He hated having these feelings. He hated not doing anything about them, but deep down inside of him was the never fading fear of John coming back and finishing what he started. Year after year he tried to force himself to like girls. He went on dates, fooled around, made a spectacle of being with them, flirted as though his life depended on it…. He failed every time. John had destroyed him that day. He hated having a father who made him feel like he was a disgrace, who told him that he was not his son. He hated himself. And the worst part of it all? He was doing everything he could to try and change himself to please the bastard who ran off and practically destroyed his family.

"Dean?" Mary placed a hand on his shoulder. "Dean, are you okay?" He bit his bottom lip and looked away from the pictures.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm good, Mom." She rubbed his back, clearly seeing through his lie. She flipped to the next picture. It was of him and Castiel, standing next to each other looking like statues. It was awkward. It was posed. It was forced. Everything seemed so forced. He missed the days when they were younger and it was all so natural. Back before John left, back before high school and before everyone seemed to look at him like he was a monster, even though they didn't know he preferred men over women.

Dean stood up abruptly and went back up the stairs just as Mary was flipping to the next photo. Dean never saw the candid picture of him and Castiel smiling and laughing, foreheads practically pressed together, and very much in love with the other.

Castiel had been awake all night. When he had found Dean in the parking lot, he knew that something was wrong, but Dean was never one to talk about his feelings so asking would have been a lost cause. Cain was waiting for him when he got home, sitting on the couch in front of the television watching some World War I show and drinking Southern Comfort straight from the bottle. He didn't look up from the screen.

"Thought you would be out longer, what with a pretty girl on your arm." Castiel sat down on the other end of the couch and loosened his tie.

"The dance wasn't anything exciting. No sense in staying in a stuffy room with two hundred sweating bodies when you can be alone someplace else." Of course, he was talking about him and Dean alone in the parking lot and on the drive home. As worried as he was about his best friend, that hour and a half of sitting in silence and comforting him before they headed home had been the best part of the night. Cain, however, had something else come to mind.

"Oh?" was all he said. Castiel looked at him and took in his raised brow and curious eyes. _Well,_ thought Castiel. _Might as well tell him what he wants to hear._

"About two hours into the dance I kissed her. Fifteen minutes after that we were heading out to the parking lot." A lie. Meg had stayed at the dance where she quickly found herself surrounded by a flock of jocks.

"You used Dean's car?"

"Gave me a spare key in case of emergencies." That bit was true. Dean did in fact have a spare key to Baby made up for Cas just in case, just like Cas gave him a spare key to his car, as well as their houses. Just in case.

Cain was still hooked on his son's story, egging him on with his expression.

"She's got a strong tongue." Again, true. She forced her tongue into his mouth, pushing his lips open against his will. It had been disgusting.

Cain chuckled and clapped Castiel on his shoulder.

"That's my boy." He got up off of the couch and started walking over to the small bar that separated the kitchen and living room to grab another bottle of fifth. "Always knew those beatings would pay off."

Castiel had come home that night expecting to black out with a bloody nose and bruised ribs, not praise and a smile from his father. That was it. He had spent the night with a girl at a dance, there would be pictures from before the dance to prove it, and his father thought he was straight. In one week he would be graduating from high school and by the end of August he would be away at college with Dean. Two and a half months. He could do this. He could pretend to be straight. He could try, that is.

He started to unbutton his shirt as he climbed the stairs to his room. Normally on nights like this, he would pull his blinds up and he would spend the night's late hours with Dean, whose bedroom window faced his own. They would text or instant message each other, making faces through open windows. When it got late enough they would use their voices, making sure they were quiet as to not wake anyone but loud enough to hear the other. Tonight, Castiel kept his window blocked off from Dean's. He didn't want to think about him waiting on the other side of the blinds. He didn't want to think about those green eyes putting the stars to shame in the night sky or those freckles that were their own Milky Way Galaxy on his cheeks.

Castiel stripped down to his boxers and tossed his tux on the floor. He had no energy to hang it up. He had no energy to brush his teeth or wash his face. Dean exhausted him, physically and emotionally. At this point, he wasn't sure which was worse: Cain's beatings or being around the man he was so utterly and desperately in love with and not being able to do anything about it.

He tossed and turned all night, tempted to see if Dean was waiting for him, but he resisted. He didn't have the courage to face him right now. He felt like such a coward. His mother would be ashamed of him.

 ** _Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you. I'm still alright to smile. Girl, I think about you every day now. Was a time when I wasn't sure but you set my mind at ease. There is no doubt in my heart now._**

Monday morning came with the promise of new hope that was shattered like an antique mirror, dust covering the cracks and blades being thrown into virgin flesh. Usually the morning included Dean walking down to the kitchen to find Cas waiting for him, chatting with Mary, helping to make breakfast, or finishing up some last minute work. This morning, Castiel was not there. When he walked out to Baby, Cas' car was already gone. Castiel was not at Dean's locker, nor was he at his own. He was in class, but he ignored Dean, looking the other way when he passed. It was almost like someone had taken a black sharpie and filled in the lenses to his reading glasses. Castiel couldn't see him.

 ** _Said, woman, take it slow. It'll work itself out fine. All we need is patience._**

Castiel ignored him for the entire week. It killed Dean. This pain was worse than anything John had ever done to him. On more than one occasion he found himself tempted to stand up in class and yell and scream at Castiel, to ask him why he was acting like they didn't know each other. What he didn't know what that Castiel was hurting just as much as he was.

 ** _Said, sugar, make it slow and we come together fine. All we need is patience._**

Friday afternoon finally came. The last final of high school had been taken. The students stormed out of the building in a flurry of papers, textbooks, and pencils. Dean didn't bother to wait for Castiel by their cars. He climbed into Baby, revved her engine, and sped off.

 ** _I sit here on the stairs 'cause I'd rather be alone. If I can't have you right now, I'll wait, dear._**

Dean slammed the Impala's door shut and marched into the house. Graduation was tomorrow. Then summer. Then college. Dean and Castiel were going to be roommates. _Shit._

 ** _Sometimes I get so tense, but I can't speed up the time._**

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and almost slammed into Sam when he turned around.

"Dammit, Sammy!" Sam had grown. He was almost Dean's height now, meaning that he would probably be taller by the time he had finished growing. He had also grown his hair out. Now he sported a mop of brown that came down just below his ears and curled out along the edges.

 ** _But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider._**

"Sorry, sorry." Sam's voice was in that awkward cracking stage of puberty. "Dean, you shouldn't be drinking. Mom's gonna get mad."

"I don't give a shit," he snapped. He sat down at the kitchen table and began to chug.

"Is this about Cas?"

 ** _Said, woman, take it slow and things will be just fine. You and I'll just use a little patience._**

"No." Half of his beer was already gone. He was determined to finish before Sam got another word out.

"Yes it is. You two haven't spent any time together since prom. You're just too stubborn to admit that something happened."

"Sammy, don't."

 ** _Said, sugar, take some time 'cause the lights are shining bright. You and I've got what it takes to make it._**

Sam sat down next to his brother.

"Dean, you love him. It's as simple as that. Everyone can see it and-"

"I said don't, Sam. Just shut up. Don't even go there."

"Why? Because of what Dad did all those years ago?"

"Shut up!" Dean slammed his beer bottle down on the table as he shot up from his seat.

 ** _We won't fake it, I'll never break it, 'cause I can't take it…._**

Dean, realizing what he had just done by the look in his brother's eyes, sat down quietly. He had just acted like his father- the man he swore he would never become.

"I'm sorry, Sammy."

"It's okay. Could have been worse. Could've thrown the bottle." Dean hid his face in his hands. "What you're feeling, did you ever think that maybe he feels the same way?" Dean peeked an eye out and looked at his brother, who was waiting patiently for an answer.

"What do you mean?"

 ** _A little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah…._**

"Maybe he just couldn't take it anymore. I mean, in all the years we've known him-"

"You mean our entire lives?"

"Yeah. In all that time, did you ever see him get into a relationship? Go out on more than one date with the same girl? Date at all?" Dean was silent, his eyes shifting back and forth. "Maybe what you're feeling right now is how he felt all those times he saw you with some girl. Hell, when he found you at prom you had pretty much just fucked Lisa. You told me so yourself. Think about how much that must have hurt him."

Dean's arms crossed on the table, his forehead resting on them. He wanted to cry, but he would never cry in front of Sam.

 ** _…need a little patience, yeah. Just need a little patience, yeah…._**

"Shit, Sammy." He took a deep breath. "You know how for years Dad told me about Bert and Ernie? How I told you the same thing?" He lifted his head but kept it hung, ashamed to look at his brother.

 ** _…some more patience, yeah. Need some patience, yeah…._**

"Sammy, I don't think that Bert and Ernie are roommates…."

 ** _…could use some patience, yeah…._**

"I know, Dean." Dean's head shot around to look at his little brother who was pushing an overturned picture across the table. "I know."

 ** _…gotta have some patience, yeah…._**

Dean turned it over to see the candid picture. A sad smile broke out over his face as he ran his fingers through his short spiky hair.

 ** _All it takes is patience._**

"Now go make nice with your boyfriend, Jerk." Dean playfully punched Sam's shoulder.

"Shut up, Bitch."

 ** _Just a little patience._**

Dean walked out of the kitchen with the picture in his back pocket.

Sam smiled at his brother. Maybe now he could finally be happy.

 ** _Patience is all you need…._**

Mary smiled from her hiding place in the hallway where she had been listening in on her boys before she had told Sam to talk to Dean...to tell him something, anything, that would get him to snap out of his funk- the truth about him and Castiel that he daft to do anything about.

 _Finally._


	12. Chapter 12

_**Warnings: Sexual situations and language**_

 **Chapter Twelve: Better Than The Rain**

 **Song: Tell Me by He is We**

Dean stood in front of the decrepit door of the Shurley's home, frozen in place. He was going to do this. He wasn't going to back down. He was going to turn away and run back to his house and pretend like nothing ever happened and-

"Dean-o! Long time no see" Dean turned back around to see Gabriel standing in the doorway. _Shit._ He forced a sly smile and gave and awkward half wave.

"Hey, Gabe. Didn't know you were home." Gabriel raised a brow and looked up at Dean. Yes, he had to look up at him. Dean, who had not yet finished growing, had at least three inches on the college student who stood at a whopping five foot eight. His golden hair had grown out more, now almost reaching his shoulders and his eyes, oh those amber eyes of his, still had that same old trickster gleam in them.

"Been home for 'bout a week now." Dean nodded his head in acknowledgment and held his stance a safe ten paces away from the front door. Gabriel stared at him. "So are you just gonna stand there all day or are you gonna come in?" A flush spread over Dean's face like a wildfire as a calloused hand rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'm uh…. I'm actually just lookin' for Cas."

"Ah!" And there was the flamboyant, theatrical Gabriel that Dean had grown up with. "Well," he said, flailing his arms and taking a few steps forward. "Cassie isn't here right now, but come in anyway. Let's catch up. Chit-chat for a while before he gets home from his date." His date. _Date._ Dean's heart sank into his stomach. Here he was, ready to pour his heart out, or whatever the Dean Winchester equivalent to pouring your heart out is, to his best friend who was out on a date.

"Come on, don't just stand there. It's rude!" And with that, Gabriel was pulling him into the house by the arm. He let go of Dean once they were in the living room but kept skipping until he was in the kitchen.

"Dean-o! You wanna beer?" He didn't hear Dean's answer due to the fact that he was already shoulders deep in the fridge, but he brought one out for him anyway. Dean took the green bottle and lifted it to his lips, sipping the alcohol as if it were a liquid drag. Gabriel twisted a kitchen chair around and straddled it, never taking his eyes off of Dean.

The Shurley house had started to fall apart once Gabriel went off to college, but Castiel did his best to keep it together. The walls would need a new coat of paint at some point before they left for Kansas University. A new roof in a year or two. When Anna died, Cain stopped caring about certain things, the house being one of them.

Dean sat down across from Gabriel and took another swig of his beer as Gabriel continued to watch him.

"So, Gabe…."

"Hmmmmmm?" the older boy dragged out, punctuating the noise with a lip smack.

"How was college this year?"

"Really, Dean? You show up at my door looking for my little bro and you ask me about college?" Dean shrugged his shoulders. Gabriel made a scoffing sound and leaned back on the chair, holding onto the top of its back as if he were on a mechanical bull. "Ugh, fine. I'll answer your boring question, but!" a wolfish grin found its way to his face. "Then you have to answer any question I ask you."

"Fair enough."

"College was fine. Passed my classes, dated a girl named Kali for a while before she cheated on me with some preppy boy from wine country. Still have a year or two before I'm finally outta there. Now…what to ask you…." He scratched at his protruding chin and crunched up various regions of his face.

"Don't hurt yourself," mocked Dean.

"Don't sass your elders. But fine. I know what I want to ask you now." Gabriel suddenly became solemn, his elbows resting on the table as if they were hugging the chair's back, his chin resting on his fists. "What's going on between you and Cassie?"

A cold sweat broke out over Dean's body. _Shit._

"It's all just a big misunderstanding. That's actually why I'm here. Why? What do you know?"

"I know that most of what happens to him he keeps to himself. That he's not one for communicating on a personal level when it comes to his love life. But I also know that this family has more queers in it than San Francisco, so when he came home from prom and suddenly he's straight and you two aren't spending every waking moment together…well…."

Dean hung his head and furrowed his brows. Maybe if he left now, Castiel wouldn't have to know he was ever there.

The front door clicked open and the far too familiar sound of converse sneakers squeaking against the floor bombarded his eardrums. It was too late. Cas was back from his date.

"Gabe? You home?" Castiel's husky voice, the voice that haunted Dean every night in his sleep, the voice that he wished he would always hear, every moment of every day suddenly made him want to curl up under the table and hide. The voice that once turned him on and made his pants too tight was now an even bigger trigger than it had ben before.

"In here, Cassie! You hear from Dad today?" Dean knew Castiel's routine. It would be a minute or two before he entered the kitchen. First, he would kick his shoes off onto the plastic tray by the door. Then he would go upstairs to drop any personal effects he had on his bed or his desk, toe his socks off, and come back down the stairs.

"Yeah, he said the company wants him to stay in New York for another week." Dean stood up to leave, knowing that he would be able to sneak out the kitchen door when Cas went upstairs, but he never heard the steps creek. "Hello, Dean."

Green eyes looked up to meet blue. _Dammit, Dean, say something! Anything!_ Clearly the Winchester boy's mind was working against the rest of his body. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. There was Castiel, standing in front of him and looking just as hurt on the outside as Dean was on the inside. His untamable bed head sticking out in every direction, his band tee that- _Wait,_ thought Dean. _Is that my Zep tee he borrowed months ago? I was looking for that. Dammit that looks good on him._ Dean blinked a few times to escape his sudden increased libido. He licked his lips and eyes the raven-haired boy up and down a few times.

"Hey, Cas…." Neither of them noticed Gabriel and his entertained expression watching them like a classic black and white movie.

"Cassie!" he chimed. "How was your date?"

"It wasn't a date, Gabe." Although he was speaking to his brother, his eyes never left Dean's, which seemed to brighten at his words.

"Then what was it?" Dean couldn't hold the words back. He had to know what was actually going on.

"One of the kids from Crowley's class was applying for a job. Needed help filling out some papers and asked if I could help. It was just helping him fill out some paperwork…." And just like that, as if Gabriel could sense the tension between them, whether it was sexual or not, he announced that he had to leave and sprinted out the door. Dean and Castiel stood in silence- Dean gripping onto the chair causing his knuckles to turn white and Castiel in the doorframe, his hands shoved into his pockets.

"Cas…."

"Dean, why are you here?"

"Because I love you." The words hit Castiel just as quickly as they escaped Dean's mouth: all at once and yet, at the same time, lingering into eternity so that each syllable, so that each letter could crash against his pale skin like a burst of cold water.

"What?" Castiel's shoulders fell as those beautiful blues widened with contracted pupils. His hands fell out of his pockets, arms hanging limp at his sides.

"I'm here because I love you and I hate how you've been acting lately. How you've been treating me. What's going on, Cas? Tell me now and tell me the truth, and if you don't, then tell me to leave because I can't keep pining over you." Castiel's eyes closed a little, his pupils returning to their normal size. "Don't you dare look away from me, Cas. I know that somewhere inside of you, you feel the same way."

"How? How do you know that, Dean?" Castiel's eyes were starting to squint together acting like floodgates that were on the verge of cracking and letting the water they held back plummet to the lower levels below. Dean didn't break eye contact as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out the picture of them from prom.

"I remember exactly when this was taken. I pulled you off to the side and for that short amount of time, no one else was with us. I see the way you look at me. It's the same way I look at you, and this picture right here is proof of that. Don't lie to me, Cas. Just tell me what's going on…."

"Come on," he said as he held out his hand to his best friend. "It's easier I show you." Dean let himself be led up the stairs and into Castiel's bedroom, the door clicking shut behind them. "Sit down." Dean sat on the bed and folded his hands between his knees. Even with the air conditioning blowing it still felt like it was one hundred degrees in Cas' room. He pulled at the collar of his olive Henley, unsure of what to expect as Castiel stood in front of him.***

 ** _Stand in the mirror and try to imagine forever._**

"When my mom died, my dad kind of lost it. He went mad. All he ever knew from that point on was anger and hatred."

 ** _What does it look like facing my greatest endeavor?_**

"A few years later, when Gabe came out as Bi, he fucking lost it. He left Gabe alone, but…he wanted to make sure that I would stick to the 'straight and narrow', I guess is the best way to put it."

 ** _Suddenly closing my eyes, hands up for the very first time; I'm closing my eyes…._**

"Dammit, Dean." Castiel looked at the corner where the wall met the floor, too afraid and ashamed to look at Dean. His heart was racing and he was on the verge of tears. "Dammit, so much of my life has been jaded by closed minded people."

 ** _Tell me, "Don't give up!"_**

"And I love you too, so much. I always have."

 ** _Tell me, "There's someone out there!"_**

"But after what my dad did to me, I just don't know if I can ever accept who I am or act on my feelings. Not until I get away from him."

"Cas, what did he do to you?"

 ** _Give me a pure love._**

Castiel gathered all of the courage he could find within him and looked at Dean. He lifted his shirt and pulled it over his head. Dean all but fell to the floor, unsure of what to say or do.

"Once a week until I blacked out. He said he would beat the gay out of me before it got a chance to come out on it's own."

 ** _Give me a forever that we both can share._**

Castiel clamped his eyes shut and dropped his head again, his hands and arms coming up to cover his torso. One moment he was standing in the cold, and the next moment he was wrapped in warm arms, a nose nuzzling his neck and another's tears streaming down onto his shoulder.

 ** _Show me it's okay. Show me it's all right..._**

He wrapped his arms around Dean, tightening the hug.

"Fuck, Cas, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry…."

"It's not your fault, Dean. The only person to blame is him."

"God, Cas, I'm such an idiot."

"No, you're not. You didn't know. You had no way of knowing."

 ** _…that I'm far from crazy for living by faith and not by sight._**

"I love you, Dean. I love you and for the first time in my life I'm not afraid to say it. I love you."

 ** _Oh….._**

Both of them were crying now, their tears mixing with quiet laughter and broken smiles. Dean leaned down to rest his forehead on Castiel's.

 ** _Will he be proud of all the thing's I've done and my mistakes?_**

"Dean."

"Yeah, Cas?"

 ** _Things that I regret, wishing that I could forget my…. My heart breaks._**

"Five years ago on your birthday, you said you wanted to try something with me. And then you kissed me and I got you off. Do you remember?" Dean chuckled.

"Of course I remember. Our first kiss, and in a way, kinda our first time. Why?" Bloodshot eyes looked up in a predatory glare as a hand played along the back of Dean's neck along his hairline, the other squeezing his waist ever so slightly.

"Because I would very much like to try that again, only properly this time."

 ** _Suddenly closing my eyes, hands up for the very first time._**

If Dean's eyes were to grow any wider, they would fall out of his frantically shaking head.

"Okay."

 ** _I'm closing my eyes…._**

Castiel pulled him into a deep and passionate kiss, chapped lips crashing against smooth lips like waves sent by the storm beat the beach sand: Salty and wet and violent and perfectly beautiful in every way imaginable.

 ** _Tell me, "Don't give up!" Tell me, "There's someone out there!" Give me a pure love, give me a forever that we both can share. Show me it's okay. Show me it's all right that I'm living by faith and not by sight._**

Fingers sifted through cropped hair as tongues taunted lips, prying them open with a beg and a moan, investigating the unknown territory and dancing together. Dean let Castiel lead him back to the bed, to be pushed down onto the plaid sheets. Dean was more than happy to give in to the older boy on top of him. Dean lifted his back allowing Castiel to pull his shirt off, and without a second to spare, skin was pressed against skin. The warmth of the other's tingling flesh sent shocks of ecstasy to their crotches. Dean could feel Castiel growing on top of him as he ground their bulges together, the denim creating a barrier between the full connection that they had been longing for for so long.

 ** _Eyes can only see so far. Tired of wishing on all these stars, so I close my eyes and pray, but nothing comes to mind so I let my heart say:_**

Castiel got off of Dean and stood in front of the bed again, unbuttoning his jeans and letting them fall to the ground only to reveal more scars and burns and bruises. He watched Dean push himself back so that his head was on the pillows. Dean bit his lip as he watched Castiel strip down, thumbs tugging at his boxers before removing those as well, a fully erect cock springing out.

"Take them off, Dean. I want to watch you." Castiel was stroking his member, his intense stare on Dean as he kicked his flip-flops off before shoving his pant and boxers down in one go. The garments were tossed off the bed, landing on the floor with a slight "thunk" thanks to Dean's phone, wallet, and keys.

Soon, Castiel was back on top of Dean, their members rubbing together and sweet drops of pre-cum pooling at their tips.

 ** _Show me it's okay. Show me it's all right, that I'm far from crazy for living by faith and not by sight._**

Castiel kissed Dean over and over again, moving from his lips to his jaw to his neck. Every peck and every suck and bite earned him a moan. He thought that he would hate having hands on him. The only hands that he could remember ever being on him were his fathers, and that was only out of hatred. But Dean…. When Dean put his hands on him, when he ran his knuckles along his spine or over a raised scar, it was as if he were erasing every bad memory and mark.

Their lips were close- almost touching. They could feel the warm breath they shared hit their faces as they panted slowly.

"You're so beautiful, Cas." Another kiss, this one more chaste than the others.

"I love you, Dean."

"Cas…. I want you."

"Dean?" He pulled his face away a little to take in all of the tanned skin and flushed cheeks in front of him.

"If you want to…. If you're comfortable with it…. Castiel I want you inside of me." Those words sent Castiel's dick into a twitching frenzy. He couldn't find the words to say, so he nodded and reached into his bedside table for a bottle of lube.

 ** _Tell me, "Don't give up!" Tell me, "There's someone out there!" Give me a pure love, give me a forever that we both can share._**

"I don't have any protection."

"That's okay." Dean pulled him down into a sloppier kiss. "I'm clean. It's…I mean I've never…."

"Me neither."

 _Holy shit._

 ** _Show me it's okay. Show me it's all right that I'm far from crazy for living by faith and not by sight._**

The pop of the bottle's lid made Dean jump slightly. He could hear the slicking sound of lube being rubbed between fingers to warm it up.

"Dean, just relax. Can you relax for me?"

"Anything for you…." And he meant it. He closed his eyes and braced himself, his legs spread open and his thick eight inches flush against his abdomen, showing off his perky pink hole. Castiel brought a finger to it and circled the tight ring of muscle a few times before starting to press in. He stopped when he was one knuckle deep to ask Dean if he was okay, but he didn't get the chance. Dean was fucking himself on Cas' finger, forcing it to go in deeper to which Castiel happily obliged.

 ** _Tell me, "Don't give up!" Tell me, "There's someone out there!" Give me a pure love, give me a forever that we both can share._**

Once he had one finger fully inside of Dean's ass, he pulled it out halfway and pushed it back in, turning it as he added a second finger. Dean winced and moaned, ringers gripping the sheets as Castiel started to scissor him open.

"Shhh. It's okay, Dean. I've got you. Roll over for me." Dean did not hesitate. He flipped over so that his ass was fully exposed to Castiel who took a pillow and placed it under him, raising him for easier access and comfort. He penetrated Dean with a third finger while his other hand began to rub the small of his back, trying to relax him. Castiel bent his fingers and hit Dean's prostate, causing him to let out a small scream of pleasurable pain.

"Cas. Cas, I'm ready. I need you inside of me." Dean's begging made Castiel's throbbing cock pulse. He pulled his fingers out and looked at Dean, a quivering mess of testosterone and sweat. It had to be the most beautiful thing Castiel had ever seen.

 ** _Show me it's okay. Show me it's all right, that I'm far from crazy for living by faith and not by sight._**

The noise that escaped Dean's lips when Castiel's fingers left him was divine. The sound of the lube bottle being opened again echoed through the room along with the sweet sound of Castiel readying himself for Dean's tender, virgin ass. With a hand on either side of Dean's hips, Castiel lined himself up so that his tip was pressed against the ring of muscle. His forehead rested under the nape of Dean's neck.

"I love you so much, Dean…." He kissed the small space between Dean's shoulder blades and slowly shoved his penis into the small space before him.

The sensation was overwhelming. Dean was tight and wet and moving against every thrust from Castiel in the most amazing way. When Castiel would pull out any amount, Dean would shove back, trying to fuck himself on Cas' cock. Castiel lifted Dean so that they were on their kneed, back pressed against chest and arms wrapped around each other as he pounded up into him.

 ** _Give me a love, give me a love, give me a pure love._**

A warm sensation grew inside of Castiel as Dean tightened around him, his fist working his ignored hard on. Castiel cupped a hand over Dean's and helped him pump, their sweat sticking them together as their screams and moans bounced off the walls, mixing with the intoxicating stench of sex.

"Cas. Cas! Right there, oh God don't- don't stop." With every thrust, Castiel his Dean's prostate, sending the younger boy into a frenzy. "Fuck, Cas. Oh, fuck, I'm gonna- I'm gonna…."

"Come for me, Dean." Dean's thick spunk shot out of his slit and drenched their hands as his head fell back on Castiel's shoulder, his mouth open wide from orgasm and his hole clenching around the seven inches that were being shoved into him until the man behind him was balls deep in his ass. "So good, Dean. So tight. So perfect. I love you. I love you so fucking much."

 ** _Give me a love, give me a love…._**

Castiel lost his timing, his thrusts becoming uneven until he stilled inside of Dean, flesh against flesh, balls against ass, hot cum filling Dean to the brim, leaking out as Castiel held him tight and kissed his shoulder repeatedly.

He pulled out as his member started to become flaccid and both boys collapsed on the bed. Neither of them said a word. Dean had turned so that he was on his back with Castiel's head on his chest. They stayed like that in the silence and comfort of each other as Dean traced every mark on his lover's back, making them all disappear in Castiel's mind. Castiel nuzzled into Dean's chest as he ran his nails over one of his pectorals. Dean was the one who broke the silence.

"Things are gonna get better now, right, Cas?"

"…Yes, Dean. I believe they will."

 ** _A pure love._**


	13. Chapter 13

_**Hey everyone. I'm sorry that it's taken me a few days to update this story. I have future chapters written but I was stuck on the ending of this one. Today I heard a song and I knew the ending of the chapter right away (it just so happens to be the song for the chapter, too!), so here it is.**_

 _ **Warnings: Sexual situations and language.**_

 **Chapter Thirteen: Chocolate and Kisses**

 **Song: Love Is Your Name by Steven Tyler**

Bumpy pads of lithe fingers climbed the rigid mountains along Castiel's body, memorizing every scar and burn as if he were going to vanish into thin air, never to be seen again. Pink overlapped with white, each one numbed the same. Although their eyes were closed and their breathing slow, both boys remained awake, content with letting the mute atmosphere hold them. The sheets had been pulled over their sticky, tangled bodies to cover them from the middle of their backs down. Toes curled and bumped against hairy legs as hip bone pressed against hip bone.

In this moment, there was no John, no Cain, and nothing to stop them. Soon they would be away at college, living together in a dorm room and free from every chain that imprisoned them to their own forms of torture.

Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head, his lips lingering a tad longer than they probably should have. Dean didn't care. So many years of waiting, of longing, of holding back his words and feelings out of fear had led to this moment. Castiel was his, and he was Castiel's.

"Dean?" Castiel's voice was like gravel under tires- rugged and deep and bumpy in all the best ways. The baritone's voice was even deeper post-sex due to the screaming and moaning that had taken place earlier. Castiel shifted, escaping his lover's arms and laying on his back, looking up at the ceiling. Dean rolled over onto his side and nuzzled his nose on Castiel's bicep, enjoying the muscles that had appeared when he flexed his arms to rest his hands on his chest.

"Hm?"

"Do you want to…that is, if you would like, we could change things up a bit for round two."

"Cas, I would love to, but I gotta walk across a stage at graduation tomorrow and I don't think I'll be able to if-" _OH._ Dean's eyes were caught on sly blue orbs peeking out of the corners of Castiel's whites. The older boy bit his lower lip seductively, enjoying how his younger lover was squirming with anticipation and nervousness.

"If?" As if to taunt him, Castiel stretched, rolling over onto his stomach as he did so. The sheets dragged with him, leaving part of Dean's naked body exposed to the secluded world that was the red bedroom on the second floor of the Shurley's house. Dean watched with eager eyes as Castiel arched his back in, his ass thrusting up playfully ever so slightly. Dean's dick twitched, giving him the _okay_ he didn't really need.

A growl gurgled in the back of Castiel's throat as Dean mounted him, his nearly fully erect member pressing between his cheeks. Like an obedient dog, Castiel got on his hands and knees, quickly dropping his front half so that Dean would have the perfect view of his perky pink hole. Damn, Cas was beautiful.

"Pass me the lube?"

"You sound like you're about to preform surgery, Dean. Relax. It's just me and you…and an empty bottle. But there's more in Gabriel's room, probably. I could throw on some boxers and-"

"You aren't leaving me." Castiel didn't have time to argue. His thighs stiffened and his back arched as Dean's tongue invaded the space around the ring of muscle. He lapped at the hole, alternating between running the entire thing over every inch of space from the small of his back to his balls, to using the tip to tickle the rim. Dean liked being in control. He liked having Cas shaking under him. He liked hearing him groan and shiver under him, at his fully mercy. "Gonna loosen you up, get you nice and wet and ready for me. Gonna tear you open, split you in two with my cock before I explode inside of you."

"Oh, Dean…. Dean…I need more…."

"Patience, Angel. Gonna tease you. Make it nice and slow and good for you. Gonna fuck your ass until you can't walk. Wanna make you feel me for days after I'm done with you." Castiel could have come right then and there. He didn't know where this side of Dean was coming from, but he loved it. He liked Dean as a Dom.

Dean's thumbs made small circles on Castiel's cheeks, his palms holding them open. A chuckle left the younger boy's lips, sending an unexpected thrill over Castiel's spine. Dean stopped. Dean pulled away. Dean was suddenly back, shoving his tongue into Castiel's hole until those full lips were sucking around the entrance.

"Oh, _fuck Dean!"_ Castiel was gripping and tugging at the sheets under him, his face digging into one of the pillows. He could feel Dean smile against him. Two fingers from each hand made their way to his opening as Dean's mouth left Castiel's ass. The unusually erotic sensation of Dean's tongue was soon on Castiel's sack, licking a cupping and- "Oh, God!" Dean was blowing on his sack, right over the saliva streaks he had left. A sharp pain hit Castiel as Dean slapped his buttocks, and then Dean was drawing back. Dean had just hit Castiel….

"Shit. Shit, Cas, I'm sorry. I-"

"Dean Winchester if you don't get back here right now and fuck me, I will remain from sucking your cock for a month." And just like that, Dean was back at it.

"Suck my fingers, Cas. Get them all wet and slick for me." Castiel took the fingers that were suddenly in front of his face into his mouth, swirling his tongue around each one individually and then two at a time, working his way up to all four. Dean was ready. Dean was very ready. If he had let Castiel continue, he would have blown his load in minutes. "That's enough, Cas. Fuck."

Dean leaned forward and spread Cas' cheeks again, kissing the ring of muscle. As his lips drew away, one of his fingers began to enter with a slow, forceful push. Castiel did his best to relax for Dean, but he knew that, based on the sweet, succulent noises his Dom was making, that Dean would continue whether he relaxed his muscles or not. Within no time, Dean was two knuckles deep in Cas' ass. Dean rested his face on one of Castiel's cheeks, his hot breath hitting the tender skin by his hole as he gently pulled his finger out to the first knuckle. Working with Castiel's clenches, Dean gained a steady rhythm, one finger turning to two, two fingers turning to three. The noises Castiel was making were heavenly. Dean bent his fingers as he started to scissor Cas, hitting his prostate.

"Fuck, Dean! Fuck! Do that again!" God, he could listen to Castiel beg all day, every day. The way his voice shot down to an unholy baritone level, how with one shift of his finger that same voice could rocket to a high-pitched scream of pleasure…. Dean ran his free hand over his face to bring him back from his thoughts. If he stayed there any longer, he would have creamed all over Castiel's back and ass. No. He was going to finish inside of him.

"Hang on, baby. I gotcha," he crooned in Cas' ear. "Spit in my hand, Cas." Castiel spit in Dean's outreached hand, but only after licking his palm and fingers generously. He could hear Dean stroking himself with his saliva, getting himself slicked up for fucking him senseless. Castiel was fidgeting under him, waiting impatiently for his cock.

"Dean…" he whimpered.

There was no vocal reply- only the sensation of Dean grabbing his hips and thrusting into him without warning, his knees on either side on Castiel who still had his ass up in the air on display, giving Dean the perfect angle.

"Oh, SHIT!" he yelled. "Oh, FUCK, CAS! FUCK!" His thrusts were uneven and rapid, hitting Castiel's prostate every time. Castiel wanted to reach down and stroke himself but his hands were clenching on to the sheets too tightly. He went to open his mouth to moan or scream or groan but only small, quick, high-pitched squeaks came out. He was too far gone to respond with anything remotely human. The sound of skin slapping against skin was sending his dick into a frenzy as Dean's sack slapped against his own.

"Cas! Oh _shit fuck shitshitshitfuck shit!"_ With one final thrust, Dean filled Castiel's hole to the edge with the most intense orgasm he had ever had. He wondered if it would have been as intense if Castiel hadn't taken that moment to finish himself, his muscles becoming even tighter, if that were at all possible, around his thick, throbbing cock. Castiel collapsed under Dean's weight, not giving a damn about lying in his own mess of juices. Dean fell on top of him, both of them panting, both of them completely worn out.

A knock on the kitchen door caught Sam's attention. His mom had gone out to get groceries for dinner not long after Dean had left, and she couldn't have returned already. She hadn't even been gone five minutes. And even if she had turned around, she would have come in through the front door. He looked up from his book and saw a familiar face smiling at him through the screen and window. A wide grin was suddenly slapped across his face as he jumped out of the kitchen chair, his book falling on the floor, and ran to the door to let Gabriel in.

"Gabe!" He took the much older, but much shorter, man into a hug. "When did you get back!?" Gabriel returned the hug, feeling a bit off with the sudden height difference.

"When did I get back?" he asked as he pulled away a bit, making sure his arms were still around his neighbor. "How about first you tell me when you got so tall? Holy crap, Sammich! When I was back over winter break you were shorter than me! How much Miracle Grow did your mama use on you this spring?" Sam laughed and pulled out of the hug, blushing like a schoolgirl. Gabriel just smiled at him.

"Growths spurt…. Didn't think I would get this tall though. No one in my family is this tall. I'm even taller than Dean, and the doctor says I'm gonna keep growing."

"Sucks for you when it comes to pleasin' the ladies. Everyone knows shorter men have better leverage." Gabriel suddenly remembered, although Sam was a giant, he was still only fourteen- a solid ten years younger than he was. Crap. He should _not_ be making these types of comments around him. Sam cleared his throat awkwardly.

"You want anything to drink? Eat?"

"Got any candy?"

"Gabe, two teenage boys live here. Of course we have candy." Sam walked over to the pantry on the far wall of the kitchen and slid open the door. "Help yourself." Shelves upon shelves of candy and cereal and junk food lined the wall. Gabriel was in Heaven. Absolute Heaven. He darted towards the pantry and immediately pulled out a bag of chocolate kisses. Sam stood off to the side and watched him. Oh, Sammy. Shy little Sammy.

"So, Gabe." Gabriel answered with a "hmph?" as he tried to tear open the bag of sweets. "What made you decide to come over?" Now Sam was turning in place, facing wall after wall after Gabriel after wall, trying to keep his cool. He should _not_ be attracted to a man who was almost double his age, especially since he was a minor. Gabriel popped a candy into his mouth, his lips catching the tips of his fingers as he did so.

"Well for starters, your brother is currently next door doing God only knows what with my brother. I do not need to hear that. And secondly, my best buddy who I haven't seen in months is here all alone. I gotta catch up with him!"

"There's not really much to catch up on."

"Oh, come on, I'm sure there's something that happened while I was away. Whadduh ya say we pop in a movie and talk about the past few months, eh? Come on, Samsquatch." Gabriel all but frolicked into the living room in front of Sam. He was still the same flamboyant, energetic Gabriel that he knew when he was a toddler. In fact, the only thing that seemed to change about Gabriel was his height. Sam reluctantly followed into the living room with a bag of licorice and plopped down on the couch next to Gabriel, who was in the middle of the couch with him arms stretched out. Gabriel looked at him with golden orbs. He wanted to talk, to catch up, to get to know Sam again, but Sam seemed locked up.

"So how's school?" he asked as he popped another chocolate kiss into his mouth.

"School's fine." The snap of a piece of licorice being torn in two by his pulling teeth was louder than his answer.***

 ** _Send your kisses my way- bring your sweet heart to me. I've been waiting so long. Tell me all your stories- leave some open for me. Write your name into this song._**

"You and your brother are both graduating this year, huh?" Sam nodded his head. "You excited for high school? I bet you're gonna be the tallest kid in your grade. Hell, you may even be the tallest kid there. Not that there's anything wrong with being tall. Truth be told, I wish I were taller." This time Sam did not offer a response. "Sammy, what's wrong?"

"Nothin's wrong." Gabe's eyes expanded, pushing his eyebrows up his forehead.

 ** _I'll walk through the fire, I'll run through the rain. I'll wait for forever if Love is your name…your name._**

"It's a girl, isn't it!" It wasn't a question, nor was it an assumption. It was a fact. Sam, as tall as he was, suddenly felt two feet tall. He turned his head to look down on the floor, not wanting to face his neighbor.

 ** _Catch a wind from Heaven- sail down while I'm sleeping. Wake me with the morning sun. Oh oh-oh, I'll dream of you until you come._**

"…Sammy?"

"It's not a girl…." Now Sam was flat out face the door, his shoulders pinched and tense as if he wanted to run right then and there.

"A guy?" Sam felt uneasy by Gabriel's calm tone. He remembered how, when he was in sixth grade and first heard someone use the word "faggot", he came home and asked his mom what it meant. Sam, for being the smart one of the family, was a little naïve when it came to romance and sexual orientations, including the issues that accompanied them. The word was one of Dean's triggers. It sent him into a small freak-out. That was when his mother sat him down and told him about what John did, and why Dean was really in the hospital for so long. From that day on, Sam had associated coming out with anger and violence, even though his mother had told him that there was nothing wrong with being gay. He was still scared. No one knew that he was gay.

 ** _I'll walk through the fire, I'll run through the rain. I'll wait for forever if Love is your name._**

Sam clamped down on his lower lip until he tasted blood beginning to form in small pools inside his mouth. His arms had folded over his stomach and he was doing his best to hold back his tears. God, he was so scared.

Gabriel took Sam's silence as a yes.

"Sammy, look at me, buddy." He didn't look at Gabriel, but he could feel the body next to him shift. Gabriel was more than likely leaning against the back of the couch looking at him, taking in all of his pathetic six feet and two inches.

"It's me, isn't it?" Sam's face was crimson red. That was all the answer Gabriel needed.

 ** _Valentines keep knocking- my heart keeps on walking. Darling I'll hold on for you, for you, for you…._**

Sam jerked at the hand was pressing against his shoulder. He expected to see Gabriel in a full rage when he turned his head to look at him. Instead what he saw were a pair of sympathetic eyes, a lopsided smile, and sadness.

"Oh, God, Sam, you're just a kid. You know that I care about you, but you're only fourteen."

"You're mad. Why are you still here?" He choked back sobs and sniffles as his cracked voice was caught somewhere between anger and sadness and confusion.

 ** _I'll walk through the fire…._**

"Because I care about you. Now come here, you giant moose." Sam all but fell into Gabriel's open arms, allowing himself to be wrapped up in a hug that was so desperately needed.

 ** _I'll run through the rain…._**

Gabriel stroked Sam's hair, telling him that everything was going to be okay. That this didn't change anything and that he wasn't going to get mad or upset or leave. He pulled out of the hug and dug into the bag of chocolates as Sam rubbed his nose and dried his eyes.

"I have an idea. Just lean back and open up your mouth."

 ** _I'll wait for forever…._**

Sam did as he was told, and almost immediately after he was positioned, Gabriel was tossing chocolate kisses at him. They played their little game of catch until the entire bag was empty. Unwrapped chocolates were strewn over the floor.

"How many did you catch? Were you keeping count?" Sam tried his best to recall how many chocolates he had successfully managed to catch.

"Eleven, I think?" Gabriel pocketed eleven chocolate kiss wrappers.

 ** _If Love is your name…._**

"Remember that, Sammy. When you're eighteen…when you're legal, I owe you eleven kisses. And not the chocolate kind."

"Wait, Gabe, you don't-"

"Shush! Just remember, okay?"

"But why?"

 ** _If Love is your name…._**

"Because I care about you."

Sam no longer felt afraid.

 ** _If Love is your name…._**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen: What Have You Done?**

 **Song:** ** _Hey Jude_** **by The Beatles**

By the time Mary returned, Sam and Gabriel were all but leaning against each other on the couch, captivated by Star Trek reruns on the television. Sam, being taller, was spread out and taking up most of the couch, leaning back against one of the arms with one leg thrown over the opposite arm and the other on the ground. Gabriel was contortioned between his legs, his knees bent in front of his chest, making sure to leave enough room between himself and Sam's crotch. Mary balanced a brown paper bag against her hip and stood in the doorway.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked playfully. The boys peeled their eyes away from the screen, Sam flushing a little bit, envying how Gabriel was able to keep his cool.

"Uh, no, Mrs. Winchester. But if you go next door you will be."

"Gabe, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Mary? And what do you mean by that?" She took the bag in both arms and walked it into the kitchen.

"Dean-o went over to make nicey-nicey with Cassie about two hours ago. With eighteen years of buried emotions boiling up, I think it's safe to say they're making something else by now." Mary would have dropped the bag on the floor if she hadn't already put it down on the kitchen counter. "Oh God, I'm sorry. I forget to turn on my filter sometimes and-"

"Gabriel, it's fine. It's about time, really." Both boys gawked at Mary, who was casually brushing a loose strand of hair back behind her ear.

"Wait, mom, what?" Sam, who was still bright red, was now in a state of confusion and shock. Had his mother really just said that?

"I'm not blind Sam. I'm not stupid, either. I see a lot of things. I know a lot of things." She turned her attention to Gabriel, who was laughing and clapping. Mary wasn't an idiot. She had known about Dean's feeling for Castiel, and Castiel's feelings for Dean, since they were little boys. In fact, she was more surprised that it hadn't happened sooner. Her blue eyes narrowed on Gabriel in a protective, mother hen way. "And I mean A LOT of things."

Gabriel stilled. His mouth clamped shut and his shoulders dropped.

"Sam, why don't you start unloading while Gabriel helps me bring in the rest of the groceries? Then we can all plan on how to embarrass Dean and Cas when they decide to come over later."

"Really?" Sam asked as he got up and walked into the kitchen.

"No, not really. That would be mean. Now start putting things in the fridge." She kissed her youngest son's cheek and walked back out to her car. Gabriel followed, nervous as could be. Mary stopped when she reached the open trunk and immediately leaned in to grab more bags, but Gabriel swept them up before she could get to them.

"Thank you, Gabriel. Now, what's going on between you and Sam?" He had never seen Mary this serious before. Oh God, did it scare him shitless. But there was nothing going on between him and her son. Nothing romantic anyway. Not yet….

"I came over to give Dean and Cas some alone time. Figured I would catch up with Sam, see how he was doing. The teenage years are hard and he's just starting them. He's nervous. He's scared." Gabriel peeked at Mary from behind the bags. They were still standing behind the car. "He needs a male figure right now. Someone who's been there. He needs his dad, but John's out of the question. Dean's still a teenager, so that leaves me right now. He has a hard time trusting people." Mary's face fell to something sympathetic. Gabriel turned and walked into the house, six brown bags in his arms as Mary closed the trunk and quickly followed him inside.

"Samquatch! Got more goodies for you to unload!"

"Cool," he said as he took the bags from Gabriel's arms and put them on the counter. "What took you and Mom so long out there?" Gabriel took out a jar of peanut butter and gave it a small toss, catching it in his other hand.

"Just talkin' about you and the years to come. Listen, I gotta get home, okay? I have some stuff to do before the graduations tomorrow and I wanna be able to get to sleep at a reasonable time tonight. I'll see ya later, Jolly Green."

Sam watched as Gabriel disappeared out the front door even though he had come in through the kitchen door. Suddenly, he felt sad again. Outside, Mary was sitting on the porch in one of the two rocking chairs, slowly leaning back and forth as the little gusts of wind tickled her cheeks. She had her eyes closed, almost like she was holding back tears. Gabriel sat down in the rocker next to her.

"I'm sorry if what I said earlier was brash. I'm not sure what you think is going on between me and Sam, but-"

"Gabriel, you love my son. Now, I'm hoping that you have absolutely no intentions of acting on it due to his age, and yours." She was looking at him now. Her sad eyes piercing into his.

"He's just a kid, Mary. I wouldn't."

"Not yet." Gabriel didn't answer. Mary let out a long breath. "I'm happy that they have you and Castiel." Gabriel's ears perked up at her words.

"I'm sorry?"

"Sam and Dean. I'm happy that they have you and Castiel, whether it's romantically or platonically. Sam's always had a bit of a crush on you. Don't hurt him."

"That's one of the things I talked to him about today."

"What?"

"You're not the only one who sees everything. Hell, if Dean and Cas didn't sort their shit out today I would have locked them in a room tomorrow after graduation until they did." Gabriel bit his lip and rubbed his chin. "Look, Sam needs an adult male in his life. I am probably the saddest excuse for one right now, but I'm also the only one who fits into that place. It's gonna make things complicated, but he needs to learn that sometimes things don't always work out."

Gabriel folded his hands between his knees and looked out at the road. Mary's gentle hand reached his leg.

"I've known you for most of your life, Gabe. Half the time I look at you and I still see that chubby little boy blowing bubbles in his chocolate milk."

"Take the chubby out of that sentence and you have me at breakfast earlier today." Mary laughed and shook her head.

"If when he's ready, if he still wants to be with you, are you going to let him down easy or are you going to hurt him?" Gabriel furrowed his brows, a little taken back by her words.

"If when he's ready, and if he still wants me, I'll be right here waiting for him. I'm not going to hurt him. I'm not going to let him down easy. I care about your son, yes. And I really wish that he were older or that I was younger, but the age difference is still there. So _if_ when he's eighteen, or twenty-one, or hell, even fifty, _if_ he still wants to be with me, then I wont stop him. I've been watching out for him his entire life. That's not gonna stop any time soon. Not ever. I-" Gabriel was interrupted by Mary pulling him into a tight hug. He was shocked and confused and all around stunned. He didn't know where those words came from. He knew that he cared about Sam, but not like that. They just came out…and they were one hundred percent true.

"You take care of my boy. And when I see Castiel I'll be telling him the same thing. But this," she said as she let go of Gabriel. "This talk stays between you and me. I don't want him getting any ideas."

"Did you just give me your blessing?" Mary slapped his arm playfully.

"Go send my other boy home so I can interrogate him about his not so secret sex life."

"Oh, you wouldn't."

"I just want to be sure he's being safe. A quick talk and it will be over. Just…make sure he has pants on." Gabriel chuckled and stood up, brushing off his khaki shorts.

"Will do. And Mary? While Sam needs a man in his life, he needs you more. Send Dean back over after dinner. I can give him the "big brother to boyfriend" talk while you and Sam have a little talk of your own." Mary watched as Gabriel paced back to his house, moving to the section of grass between the two properties. He was out of sight, but she could still hear him throwing what she assumed to be rocks at Castiel's window.

"Hey, Cassie! I'm coming in! You have approximately forty six seconds before I'm up those stairs and by the time I get there you and Ken Doll better be fully dressed and out of bed!"

Back inside the house, Castiel hid his head under a pillow.

"I'm gonna kill Gabe. Half the neighborhood probably heard that." Dean was sitting up next to him, the sheets pooling around his waist. He looked down at Castiel's bare chest. Purple marks were starting to form below his collarbone and damn, did he ever look delicious.

"Come on, Cas. Let's get dressed before your brother shoots me for taking your flower or some shit like that." Dean stumbled off the bed and was knocked over when Castiel threw a pillow at him.

"He'll be too busy laughing at you not being able to walk to shoot you properly." Dean pulled his shirt on before he stood up.

"Shut up."

"I love you too." Dean couldn't help but smile. He knew that he would never get sick of hearing Castiel tell him that. Every time he said it, the way he said it, it made it feel like that time was the first time. There was something about the tone of his voice, the tenderness and sincerity that flowed peacefully with the words, the sparkle in those magnificent eyes- there was just something about _Cas._

"You're thinking again." Castiel was standing on the other side of the bed, naked, watching Dean dress.

"Yes. Believe it or not, I do tend to think every now and again." Dean turned his attention back to his belt, pausing only when he felt the warmth of another body press against his back. Castiel kissed the crook of his neck, letting his lips linger over the freckles. "Now put some clothes on before your brother decided to barge in here."

"Clothes are the devil's creation," he mumbled into Dean's skin, his arms wrapping around his middle. Castiel let out a sigh and removed his body from Dean's so that he could put his pants back on. Dean wanted to turn around and watch him, to look at his bare skin from a distance, but he was too afraid of seeing those scars. He didn't want to see Cas hurting. This was the first time anyone had ever seen those battle scars, and in the back of his head, a little voice was telling him that by looking at them, he would make Castiel uncomfortable.

They could hear Gabriel charging up the stairs. He was purposely stomping to give them a fair warning. They had expected that much from him, but they did not expect him to actually open the door. Dean was fully dressed. Castiel was not. The dark haired boy was in the middle of pulling on a shirt when his brother froze in the doorway, eyes growing in fear and fixed on his chest.

"Cassie…. Cassie, what the fuck?" Gabriel was backing up slowly. There was no use trying to hide the past from him. Castiel finished bringing his shirt down over his chest and hung his head.

"Dean, I think you should go. It's time I had a very long overdue talk with my brother."

"Cas, I can stay if it would make it easier, if you wa-"

"This is something that needs to be between me and him. Thank you, Dean, but I really do think you should be leaving." Dean wanted to protest. He wanted to stay and hold his boyfriend's hand through what was about to come, but he knew that they would need their time alone. He would just come back later and comfort Castiel then. With a heavy heart, he left. Gabriel was up against the wall in the hallway, still in his state of shock. He didn't look at Dean or say goodbye when he passed. The brothers remained silent until they heard the click of the front door and Dean yelling out to Sam from the front lawn.

"We should go downstairs. This is a conversation meant to have sitting down." Castiel walked over to his older brother and put a hand on his shoulder. "Gabe?"

"Cassie, what the fuck is going on? Who did that to you? When did that happen?"

"Gabriel, I will tell you everything once we get downstairs. Or perhaps you would rather talk in you room?"

"We're right by yours, why can't we, because you just had sex in there and that would be awkward…."

"Actually I was thinking along the lines of, 'if I need to leave you alone after, your room would be best for you,' but yes. That excuse works, too." Castiel walked into Gabriel's room. It was in pristine order minus the candy wrappers and porno magazines littered across the floor by his bed. The red sheets were tucked neatly around the mattress, no posters were falling off of the cream walls, the movies by his television were stacked in an almost too-organized manner- but then again, most of the time, Gabriel wasn't home, so of course his room would be neat.

Castiel sat on one side of the bed, his legs crossed under him and his shoulders slumped. Gabriel walked in slowly after him and sat down at the head of the bed, leaning against the headboard. They did not face each other. They did not make eye contact.

"Cassie…."

"It started in second grade."

"You mean when those dicks started all that trouble over you and Dean?"

"No." Gabriel was confused. What else happened when his baby brother was in second grade that could have started something bad enough for him to be damaged like that? "Gabriel, before we get into this, I want you to promise me something."

"Yeah, sure, anything."

"Promise me that you wont blame yourself. What happened was not your fault in any way whatsoever."

"Cassie, what are you talking about?"

"You came out when I was in second grade." Gabriel forgot how to breathe. He was in sixth grade when he realized that he liked both boys and girls- that he was bi. Up until a few years ago, though, the only people who knew about it were Castiel and….

"Dad…."

"Yeah. Dad. He was a lot like John. When you came out, about a week before the incident with the boys in my class, I heard Dad mumbling one night while he was drinking. He was talking to Mom, praying to her, I guess. Saying how he failed as a parent and that if she were alive his son would be normal. Went on to say how at least there was a chance he would still end up marrying a girl. Anyway, he caught me listening."

"Where was I?"

"You were over at a friend's house. Some kid you had class with. I think his name was Marv or something, but anyway, Dad grabbed me by the arm. He was pretty pissed. He told me that he couldn't handle having a son who was a complete abomination and that at least there was still hope for you. Me, on the other hand, he wasn't so sure about. I think I already knew then, that I was gay. I didn't tell him that, though. I didn't have time. He started hitting me."

"Cassie…." Gabriel was moving forward on his bed to sit next to his brother. His voice was cracking and he could feel the tears begin to swell up in his eyes. He had promised that he wouldn't blame himself, but how could he possibly keep that promise? If he had never come out, Castiel would never have gotten hurt."

"The smacks and punches weren't all bad at first. They were never hard enough to leave a mark."

"But?"

"But," Castiel began as he let out a shaky breath. "But soon he became more violent. He told me that he would rather kill me than have another queer kid. He almost did a few times. He always made sure that you weren't around when he beat me. He didn't want you to know. Eventually he figured out that I was gay, and that's when he started using…other…methods." Castiel pulled down the collar of his shirt to show off the burn marks his father had gifted him. "Once a week, sometimes twice a week depending on how much he drank." He let go of the fabric and let his head fall more. "Crying earned an extra kick, whimpering earned an extra punch, and so on. Over the past few years, especially when it was just me and him in the house, I sustained more serious injuries. I've had a total of three broken ribs, just from his boots. More bloody noses than I can keep track of. Almost all of my molars are cracked somewhere."

Gabriel was curled up on the bed. He was confused as to how his brother could be so calm about everything, but then he put two and two together. Ten years of abuse. One beating a week, at the least, with fifty-two weeks in a year. Castiel had been beaten at least five hundred and twenty times by their father. He was used to it. Abuse was a norm.

"You became Dad's punching bag because I came out of the closet."

"No. I became Dad's punching bag because three boys in my second grade class and a headmaster decided to turn something as simple as a hug into World War III, elementary school edition. I would have come out sooner or later. It would have happened no matter what."

"We need to do something about this. He can't keep hurting you. It needs to stop."

"Gabriel, Dad will be gone for the next week. We have time to figure things out."

"What is there to figure out, Castiel!?" Gabriel got off of the bed and stood in front of his brother, arms out and face raging. "The bastard abused you for half of your life and you think we need o sit around and twiddle our thumbs until we figure out what to do? We call the fucking police!"

"And tell them what, exactly? That Dad beat the shit out of me because I'm gay and that he isn't here and the only thing I have to prove the abuse are decade old scars covered by a hickey here and there? That we'll give them a 'rain check' for when he gets back?"

"Cassie, I didn't mean it like that." Castiel hugged his brother tightly as they cried together.

"I'm scared, Gabe. What happens when he comes back and finds out about me and Dean?" Gabriel stroked his brother's hair. "He's gonna kill me. What if he hurts Dean? Gabe, I don't want anyone else getting hurt."

"No one is going to get hurt. Not me, not Dean, and not you. Not anymore."

Dean was sitting at the kitchen table pushing his food around on his plate. He could feel two sets of eyes watch him on and off- one in a comforting way while the other one, not so much. He huffed and looked up from his mashed potatoes.

"Alright, just say it."

"So who bottoms?" Sam was glaring at him now, the words out of his mouth the second Dean had finished his sentence.

"What the hell, Sam!?" Dean shrieked, his fork practically flying out of his hand as Mary chocked on her water.

"Relax, I'm just kidding. I don't actually want to know. But seriously, I'm happy for you guys." Sam chuckled as he turned his attention back to chicken, grinning and shaking his head. Dean was so the bottom.

"Dean, sweetie, are you alright?" Mary was dabbing her mouth with a napkin.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Mom." And Dean really was. After years of pining over his best friend, he was finally able to be with him. He was in love and would soon be going off to college and living with his boyfriend, even though they were going to be in a dorm room for at least the first year or two. He hadn't even graduated from high school yet and he was already focusing on college graduation. He would buy a house with Cas, maybe get a dog…by that time, maybe Kansas would legalize gay marriage. Marrying Cas would complete everything. He smiled to himself as he thought about what the future would hold. He took a swig of his coke and rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes closed in content.

"Dude, are you blushing?" Dean snapped out of his thoughts. Mary was smiling at him while Sam was trying to hold back a laugh, as per usual.

"Shut up, Bitch."

"Jerk."

"Language, boys. I'm not going to have you cursing at the dinner table. Now, Sam, if you're done, I would like to talk with Dean. Would you go upstairs for a little bit, sweetie?" Mary had gotten up and was starting to clear the dishes, but Dean jumped up and gathered the plates in his arms before she could. After years of seeing his father mistreat his mother, he swore to himself to do everything that he could in order to make it up to her. Sam put his plat and glass in the sink and ventured up the stairs into his room while Mary sat back down at the table.

"I'm not in trouble, am I?" Mary turned around to see her oldest son looking at her, fear creeping into his eyes.

"Oh, honey, no. Of course you aren't in trouble." She didn't have to ask why he would think that. She could tell that he was petrified. John had pushed him to like girls, and when Dean said otherwise, John drove him to his breaking point and made him feel as though it were safer to die. Mary hurt for and with her son- for both of her sons. She opened her arms and Dean walked into them, letting her hug him tightly. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. I'm so happy for you and Castiel. It took you boys long enough, that's for sure."

"How long have you known?"

"Dean, I've known since you were little boys. Before prom, before you came out, before second grade. You were getting ready to start kindergarten and you were so worried that you and Castiel wouldn't be friends anymore. You had heard Gabriel talking about one of the boys he was friends with and how when school started, they grew distant and stopped being friends. We were sitting here when you told me that you didn't want to stop being friends with Castiel because losing people you love hurts."

Dean sniffled against his mother's shoulder and tightened the hug.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Mary asked as she rubbed his back. "Are you scared because of what your father did? Because if you are, I understand, but please know that you have nothing to be scared about." Mary thought she was right, but didn't have the slightest idea about what Cain had done to Castiel. What would happen when he came back? Dean didn't want to hide their relationships, but he knew that if they made it public, Cain would kill Castiel. Keeping it a secret would open up Pandora's box when it came to Sam and Mary. They would ask questions and sooner or later the truth about Cas' past would come out and all Hell would break loose.

And then there was the trauma from John. Now, more than ever, Dean feared that John would stumble through the front door, half drunk and half pissed off, and finish what he started years ago.

The thought sent Dean into a small breakdown. His memories and thoughts were the biggest triggers, and when it came to his father, he was hopeless. Mary tried to sooth him, singing _Hey Jude_ quietly, but Dean only pulled away. He hated being weak in front of the people he loved. He hated being weak in general. He sat down next to his mother and dried his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Do you think…do you think that if I had just let Dad teach me all about picking up girls and everything…if I let him keep thinking that I was straight…that he would still be here? That everything would be normal and happy and-"

"Dean Winchester, do not think that for a second. Your father had his issues. Many of them were habits that he picked up while in the Marines. He pushed you too far and reacted badly. What happened, happened, and we cannot dwell on the 'could have been's. Just because he's gone doesn't mean that things aren't normal or happy. You and your brother, you boys make me so happy and proud and I love you both so very much. And no family is normal. But the three of us? We're perfect." She placed a kiss on his forehead and ran a hand through his hair. "Now, Gabriel was over here earlier. He told me to send you back over after dinner. Go pack what you need to and get back to your boyfriend."

Dean was shocked at how calm Mary was about all of this. He would have thought that she would give him the "safe sex" talk over and over again, but instead she told him the basics on being safe and encouraged him to enjoy the relationship. He had been holding in so much pain for so long. She just wanted him to be happy, and she trusted and loved Castiel. Dean thanked Mary and got up from the table. When he was half way through the living room, he heard her start to sing.

"Hey, Jude. Don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better." Her soft voice was carried effortlessly throughout the house. As the words washed over him, a weight was lifted. "Remember, to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better."

Dean climbed the stairs and went into his room. He grabbed his now empty backpack and threw in a pair of sweatpants and a Van Halen shirt to sleep in, as well as some boxers. He would grab his toothbrush on his way back down the hall.

"Hey, Jude. Don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin, to make it better." Dean made his way back to the kitchen and hugged Mary, who was drying a plate. He locked the door behind him as he headed next door. Once he was out of sight, Mary let her tears begin to fall. She put the plate on the table next to her and fell into a chair, her head collapsing into her hands and her soft skin became soaked with salty drops of water.

"And…anytime you…feel…the pain…," she chocked out between sobs. "Hey, Jude…refrain…. Don't…carry the…weight…upon y-your shoulders…. For well y-you…know that it's…a…fool…. Oh, John. What did you do to my boys? W-What did you do to them you b-bastard!" She clamped her normally bright eyes closed and crinkled her tear stained face as she picked up the plate and threw it to the ground. "You bastard…" she said, gagging on the words and she fell to the floor, weeping. "You bastard…. I needed you. We all needed you, but you were so…so…. You left us. I can't do this on my own, John. I can't keep doing this on my own…. We're all so scared, and it's all thanks to you. How could you hurt my boys? OUR boys?"

Sam was at his mother's side by the time she got the last words out.


	15. Chapter 15

Mary was crumbling on the floor, broken pieces of plate discarded over the length of the kitchen floor. Sam cautiously ventured over the shards, making his way to his mother's side as quickly as he could. He had been reading when he heard the crash and immediately jumped to the conclusion that John had come back. He was relieved to find he was wrong, but instead, he found his mother crying. He had never seen his mother cry before, not even when she found Dean that day. She had composed herself impeccably and stayed strong for them.

Sam wrapped his arms around her, his larger frame covering her. She had reached her breaking point. Realizing what was going on, Mary snapped her head up and rubbed at the tears from her eyes furiously.

"Sam. Sammy, I'm sorry. Let me clean this up quick and-"

"Where's Dean?" Mary got up off the floor and brushed the skirt of her dress. If there was one thing she prided herself in, it was how quickly, and how well, she was able to pull herself back together when it came to her sons. She fixed her hair so that the strands of blonde waves that had fallen out of her clip were tucked back neatly and destroyed any evidence of her crying, minus her red eyes.

"He's next door with Castiel and Gabriel. When Gabe was over earlier he told me to send him over after dinner."

"I'll go and get him."

"Sam, wait."

"Mom," he said halfway to the door. "Mom, something is going on and Dean needs to be here. We all do."

"Sammy, please just sit down and listen." Sam got his puppy dog eyes from his mother- that was for sure. While Mary could be frightening at times, like when it came to her boys being hurt, she could also turn anyone into putty, which didn't always help Dean and Sam who were Mama's boys. Reluctantly, her younger son walked away from the door and started to bend down, picking up pieces of broken plate.

"Leave it. I'll get it later. Right now, me and you have to have a talk that is long overdue." There was no anger in her voice, only sweetness and understanding. Mary Winchester was the complete opposite of John Winchester. She listened and understood and didn't judge. She accepted and forgave and was never rash. And yet, despite all of this, Sam still felt scared. Normally, he would sit down and talk or listen and nod his head, but right now, after everything that had happened, he bolted up the stairs and went straight to his room, shutting the door behind him.

Mary didn't call out for him to come back down. She didn't follow him up the stairs. She cleaned up the broken dish and made two glasses of chocolate milk and a plate of cookies that she had baked the day before. With the snacks on a tray, she made her way up the stairs and down the hall to Sam's room. Balancing the tray- one end on her hip and the other end in her hand- she knocked just loud enough for Sam to hear.

"Sam? Sammy, you aren't in trouble and it's nothing bad. Please open the door." There was no answer. She had never seen Sam shut down like this before. Even when she told him about the incident between Dean and John, Sam had always kept himself together. "Sammy, I can't open the door with both hands holding a tray of milk and cookies." She took a step back from the door and sure as the day is long, Sam's head poked out. Mary smiled. She really wanted to laugh, but she didn't. Her son, who was just about to star high school, was taller than she was but acting as if he were two. He opened the door the rest of the way and allowed his mother (and the snacks) to enter. The green walls were empty. The desk was orderly. The bed was made. Sam was OCD when it came to his room, which wasn't a bad thing, but sometimes Mary wished her son would mess things up a little bit and act like a fourteen-year-old boy should.

The cookies and milk were set down on the desk. Sam eyed them eagerly, but held himself back from diving into them. Mary took a seat at the desk and waited for Sam to sit, which he did, eventually, on the edge of his bed.

"Are you excited about tomorrow?" Sam had to think for a moment before he remembered that he was graduating tomorrow morning, and that Dean and Castiel would be graduating in the afternoon.

"Yeah. I just wish it weren't so early."

"It isn't until ten."

"Yeah, for you guys. I have to be there by eight. At least you get to come back for a little bit and not have to sit through the same instructions for the hundredth time." The amount of sass in his voice was amusing.

"I probably wont come home after I drop you off. I have a few seats to save." Sam looked at her, curiously.

"Seats? It's just you and Dean coming."

"Yes. Me and Dean…and Castiel and Gabriel." Sam perked up at the mention of the older boy's name.

"Gabe's gonna be there?" he asked, his face turning a lovely shade of pink. Mary giggled at the sight. Oh, if only there wasn't such an alarming age difference. Maybe things…well, knowing her son, things would eventually happen. Once Sam set his mind to something, he was determined to see it through to the end. His crush on Gabriel was no different. At least Gabriel knew not to overstep any boundaries.

"It was going to be a surprise, but I thought that it would cheer you up." She marveled at her son who was now grinning from ear to ear. "And Sam?"

"Hm?"

"What happened earlier…. I was having a talk with Dean about him and Castiel. He…. What happened between him and your father back then, it really did a number on him, mentally, emotionally, and physically. He's very scared of what might happen." Sam was beginning to shut down again, that much was obvious. "But he's brave- you both are. And I need you to understand that so long as I am around, and so long as you boys have each other, no body can hurt you."

"Then what's hurting Dean?" Mary got up and sat next to her son. She let out a long breath and looked forward out the window.

"He asked me if I thought that, if he had played along with John's idea of him being straight, if he had kept quiet, if he would still be here and if we would be a normal, happy family. I told him that we were very happy."

"And normal?" Mary looked at her son and ruffled his hair, causing him to giggle.

"Being normal is overrated. But it upsets me that he thinks like that. No one should have to hide who they are, and they shouldn't be scared of what others think, especially their family. And I want you to know that if there is anything that you want to talk to me about, anything at all, I'm always going to be here for you." Sam bit his lip. Mary knew that there was something he wanted to get off his chest. Mary knew _everything._

He took a deep breath and braced himself, his hands linked together and his back locked.

"You don't have to say anything now if you aren't ready, Sam. I won't push you. I just want you to know that everything's going to be okay." She hugged him and left his room.

Dean walked up to the Shurley's kitchen door and let himself in. None of them had bothered with knocking in years, which made the day's earlier events seem so humorous. No wonder Gabriel had suspected something. The house was quiet. He guessed that Cas and Gabe went out to grab a pizza or something for dinner. He kicked off his shoes and started to walk through the kitchen, stopping to throw out the empty beer bottle that was on the counter. It wasn't like Gabe to leave his empty bottles lying around the house, not with the odds of Sam or Mary coming over unannounced. Dean shrugged it off and waltzed up to Castiel's room, where he threw his bag down and turned on the television. He was halfway through a rerun of one of the old STAR TREK episodes when he heard the front door open. Dean turned off the television and shifted his body so that he was facing the door. He could hear Gabriel yapping about something and Castiel responding sarcastically.

"Well!" Gabe gasped dramatically at the top of the stairs. Dean could just picture him posing like a shocked Southern Belle, eyes wide as he pretending to faint against the wall. "Well, I never!" Yup. Gabe was full on Southern Belle, fake accent and all. "Castiel, you and your beau best be gettin' hitched or, and I am ashamed to say it, but, the townspeople will start to label y'all as fornicators! Gonna give this family a bad name and then no one will accept your dowry!"

Dean decided it was time to make his presence know. He quietly got off the bed and walked to the open doorway, leaning against the frame like one of the sheriffs in an old western movie.

"Well then, Miss Gabriella," he said in his best southern drawl. "I guess it's a good thing that me 'nd yer brother don't really care 'bout what this town thinks anymore." Gabriel stood there with his shit-eating grin while Castiel hid his eyes with a hand, shaking his head side to side. Gabriel curtsied and Dean tipped the brim of his hat.

"My, my, my," Gabriel continued, doing his best to impersonate a female's voice. "If it isn't Sheriff Winchester. To what do we owe the pleasure? OH! My little brother isn't in trouble, is he?"

Castiel huffed, face bright red. "How the hell am I related to you? And how the hell am I in love with _you?"_ he asked, looking up at Dean with the second question. Now Dean was grinning from ear to ear, his head bowed trying to hide his own blush.

"Oh, your brother's in trouble all right, Miss Gabriella. But don't worry. I got my cuffs out and ready to go." Dean threw them a wink and Gabriel's face dropped suddenly, his normally tanned skin going pale.

"Whoa, there, Dean-o! Too much info." And just like that, the scene ended. Gabriel was now waving his hands in front of him, his eyes shut and his face contorted into something of a laugh and disgust. There was no way he wanted to think of his brother having sex, and there was absolutely no improvement in the S&M bit that Dean had just suggested. "I'm gonna let you guys…get to it, I guess. Just remember that I'm down stairs. And that at some point I WILL be coming back up!" he yelled as he descended back down to the living room.

Castiel walked over to the doorway and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, kissing him softly.

"Do you really have handcuffs?" he asked, raising a brow. Dean's eyes shot open.

"Wait…really?" Castiel laughed into the crook of Dean's neck.

"You, sir, have awakened a very eager, very horny man who is very, very open to trying new things in bed." Dean's legs weakened. Holy shit.

"Cas…." Dean's breath hitched, this throat went dry. He was one lucky son of a bitch.

"Hello, Dean." Dean's eyes danced back and forth between Castiel's lips and his eyes, which were shining black with lust. Only a thin ring of blue was left. Dean swallowed hard, wondering what filthy things were running through Cas' mind. Chapped lips found their way to his neck, sending short-circuited shocks down his spine. Castiel had him pinned against the doorframe, one hand on the back of Dean's neck, the other his waist, and his legs locked around Dean's. He rolled his hips as he sucked on the freckled flesh, being careful as to not leave any marks. The friction from their growing, jean-covered groins made Castiel moan into Dean's neck. Dean stood there, bowlegs limp and shaking, arms hanging lifeless on either side of him. He was putty.

"Oh, shit. Cas…. Cas…. Cas?" Dean opened his eyes, which he hadn't realized were shut, and found himself looking at an empty doorway. Damn, Cas was a sneaky little bastard. The squeak of mattress springs gave away his new location.

"Shut the door behind you, Dean." Dean did as he was told, shutting the door as he walked over to the bed. Castiel was sitting on it, his legs tucked under him and his hands busy with his belt. Dean's hands cupped his and pulled the belt through the loops, but instead of unfastening and unzipping Cas' jeans, Dean's fingers tangled themselves with his boyfriend's.

"Dean? Is everything okay?" Dean stood between Castiel's legs and looked down into those stunning eyes.

"I had a talk with my mom before I came over."

"Oh…." Castiel knew that Mary was very accepting, but there was a certain tone in Dean's voice that suddenly made him question it.

"It's nothing bad, I promise. Not about us, anyway. It was about my Dad. About what happened and all that. And that got me thinking, well, about your dad…." Dean slumped onto the bed next to Castiel, his gaze fixated on the floor. "Cas, what happens when he comes back?" Castiel was rubbing Dean's back, trying to calm him down and comfort him. "I don't want to have to hide us, but if that's what it takes, I can live with that until we're out of here. I don't want you getting hurt again." Castiel smiled at Dean's words.

"I know you don't. And I wont. My dad's away on a business trip for another week, which gives us a few more days to enjoy this. But even when that week comes around and he does return, we wont have to hide." Dean looked up from the floor, concern clouding his eyes.

"What do you mean, Cas?"

"I mean that he knows everything, Dean. He walked in and saw the scars and bruises. I told him everything. Tomorrow is graduation, and it's supposed to be a happy day, so the day after, Gabe and I are going to go down to the police station and file a report against him. I think that I'm enough proof as to his abuse. It took some time, a lot of talking, and a lot of tears- and I mean _a lot-_ but we figured out what to do. We have the date he is supposed to get back, as well as the time his flight is supposed to arrive. If all goes according to plan, he should come home to a few guests. And that will be that. I'm legally old enough to live on my own, as is Gabriel. We'll find a way to make things work, but first we have to get the report filed."

"I don't want you to wait, Cas."

"Okay then. Tomorrow after our graduation. I'll go then. You spend the rest of the afternoon with your mom and Sam, I'll say I'm doing something with Gabe, because knowing Mary, she'll want to do something together. We can get together after. Okay?" Dean leaned his forehead against Castiel's.

"Thank you." He could still feel Dean shaking against him. He thought about singing _Hey Jude,_ but that was something he shared with his mother. Besides, he had never let anyone hear him sing except the rubber ducky that lived on the edge of the bathtub.

He stood up and moved so he was in front of Dean.

"Come on," he said as he held out his hand.

"Cas?"

"Come on, Dean. Let me make this better." Dean took Cas' hand and was pulled to his feet. For a scrawny guy, Cas was fairly strong. One arm snaked its way around Dean's middle while the other kept its hold on his hand. Those perfect lips tickled Dean's ear, and in the middle of a sway, Cas began to hum. Dean closed his eyes, losing himself in the moment.

"Is this payback for prom?" he asked, jokingly.

"Dean-"

"It's okay if it is. I like dancing with you much better than with Lisa."

"Good." He went back to humming. No, Cas wasn't just humming- not any old song, anyway. Cas was humming Metallica, and Dean recognized the song immediately. Humming Metallica was always a quirk of his that he kept to himself, but after spending just about every minute of every day together, Cas caught on. This was the first time someone used Dean's quirk to comfort him…and he loved it. Cas continued with the remaining bars of the introduction. Dean had expected it to stop there, but he was proven wrong by a ridiculously low, rumbling voice, whispering lyrics into his ear.

"So close, no matter how far. Couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trusting who we are, and nothing else matters." Dean nuzzled into Castiel's neck, his unclaimed hand tightening around his bicep. He wanted to smile and cry and laugh and hum along all at the same time, but he kept quiet, taking in every note that Castiel's beautiful voice allowed to flow out into the open air around them.

"Never opened myself this way. Life is ours, we live it our way. All these words I don't just say, and nothing else matters." Castiel kissed Dean's ear, getting ready to sing the next verse. Dean cut him off with a passionate kiss on the lips. They stopped swaying. Hands became tangled in hair and shirts. Cracked lips gracefully slammed against each other as nails bit into backs.

 ** _Trust I seek and I find in you. Every day for us something new. Open mind for a different view, and nothing else matters._**

Shaky breaths clashed together in the mere seconds they separated for air. They stood there, face to face, heads leaned in, and hands trembling over clothed skin.

"Dean…." The way Castiel said his name, it wasn't just a word or acknowledgement or a plea- it was a prayer. Nimble fingers worked open Dean's belt, slipping it from the loops before being thrown onto the floor.

 ** _Never cared for what they do. Never cared for what they know, but I know…._**

Dean walked backwards, leading Castiel to the bed, switching their positions so that he was now in control. He pushed Castiel down on the bed and looked at the man sitting before him, awestruck.

 ** _So close, no matter how far. Couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trusting who we are, and nothing else matters. Never cared for what they do. Never cared for what they know. But I know…._**

Castiel lifted his hands above his head making it easier for Dean to peel his shirt off. Once Castiel's shirt was discarded, Dean moved to his boyfriend's pants. The lonesome shirt was soon joined by a pair of jeans, then Dean's shirt, then his own jeans, and finally, a pair of boxer briefs. Dean stood naked in front of Castiel, who was supporting himself on his elbows.

"You're so beautiful, Cas," he said as he got to his knees. Spreading Castiel's legs, he tongued the throbbing erection that was still help captive by material. Dean turned his eyes up to look at Castiel only to find him with his eyes closed and his head tilted back, mewling with pleasure. A damp spot of pre-cum and saliva formed on the material, giving Dean his queue to move forward. He hooked his fingers over the band and pulled them down at an almost painful rate. Castiel's erection sprung forward, head hitting his stomach.

"So beautiful…so big…. Dammit, Cas." Dean kissed Castiel's inner thighs and received a quiver from the now submissive man. Lips found their way to Castiel's sack, licking and kissing and sucking it as the older boy moaned and wriggled. As Dean came up for air, he left a streak of saliva along the underside of Castiel's cock.

 ** _I never opened myself this way. Life is ours, we live it our way…._**

Castiel had expected Dean to start working him open, not crawl up next to him and curl up.

"Dean? Dean, baby, what's wrong?" Dean was all but crying.

"I'm sorry, Cas. Dammit, I'm so sorry. I want this so bad, but I'm so scared."

 ** _All these words I don't just say, and nothing else matters…._**

Castiel wrapped his arms around the younger boy and held him close, their naked bodies pressed together.

"I know. I know that you're scared. I'm scared, too. But we're going to get through this. It's going to get better. I promise." Dean was clinging onto Castiel as if his life depended on it- which, in a way, it did. "Dean, look at me." Dean didn't look at Castiel. "Dean. I asked you to look at me. Please." Crying green eyes met warm, safe, blue ones. "It's okay."

Suddenly, Dean knew what Castiel meant.

 ** _Trust I seek and I find in you…._**

"I just don't want to hurt you…. But, Cas…I need you…." Castiel pulled Dean in for a kiss. As they parted, Castiel's fingers found his mouth and received a solid coating of spit. Dean sat up between Castiel's legs and watched as he worked himself open.

 ** _Every day for us something new…._**

"It's okay, baby. Let me help. If this is what you need…."

"Cas…." Dean shot down and drowned himself in Castiel's lips. He could hear rustling from the bedside table but didn't look up. He kept his focus on Cas' mouth, his neck, his jaw.

 ** _Open mind for a different view, and nothing else matters._**

Dean shivered as Castiel worked his member, coating it with a generous amount of lube.

"Shhh. It's okay, Dean. I love you." Dean collapsed into Castiel's arms, his face buried in his neck while those long, slender fingers worked through his spikes. Lining himself up, he pushed his way into Castiel's tight, warm space, not stopping until he was completely sheathed. Castiel kissed the top of Dean's head.

 ** _Never cared for what they say._**

Dean pulled out to his tip, but instead of slamming back into his lover, he gently pushed back in. Tonight wasn't about force or speed, it was about passion and heat and being one. Castiel was there for him, always there for him, waiting. In this time, it should have been him falling attack to anxiety and emotional instability, but here he was, solid as a rock, supporting him. This wasn't just sex. This was two young men, about to face a new level of fear and hate in the world together, making love.

 ** _Never cared for games they play._**

Sweat trickled along their bodies as their orgasms built up inside of them. A chorus of growls and gasps and groans marched to the beat of their bodies coming together, their names being yelled- no, prayed- into the other's ear.

 ** _Never cared for that they know, and I know…._**

Castiel wrapped his legs around Dean who was hitting his sweet spot with every little movement. Their rhythm became unsynchronized as Castiel stiffened under Dean, releasing his load onto their chests at the same time that Dean's seed flowed into him with a warm rush.

 ** _So close, no matter how far._**

The thickness in the air blanketed the boys as they held each other in the tangled sheets.

 ** _Couldn't be much more from the heart._**

"Cas, I'm sorry."

"For what, Dean?"

"Please don't think that I used you then." Castiel kissed Dean's forehead and held him closer than comfort allowed, but they didn't care.

"I would never think that, Dean."

 ** _Forever trusting who we are._**

"I love you, Cas. So much…." The last of Dean's tears for the night fell onto the pillow. They fell asleep in the afterglow. They didn't hear Gabriel come up the stairs, nor did they hear his phone ring. The outside world was lost to them.

 ** _And nothing else matters._**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen: Please Read My Mind**

The sweet summer night air slipped through the open window and tip-toed over to the bed where the two boys slept, its slight crisp nipping at their exposed skin. Castiel was laying on his back, legs spread and a slight snore escaping his faintly open mouth. His right arm was strewn off the bed, dangling like a lifeless limb, while his other arm was trapped under Dean's body, wrapping around his middle and keeping him close. Dean had, at some point after falling asleep, turned so that he was face down, most of his body on top of Castiel's. Suctioned to his boyfriend's body, Dean's legs tangled around the other pair while he made a makeshift pillow of Cas' chest. Each time Dean would let out a snore that was a tad louder than usual, Castiel would subconsciously tighten his arm around his lover, causing Dean to cuddle into him more as the younger boy's arms remained bent over the remainder of Cas' torso. The sheets had been mostly kicked off, the comforter crinkled on the floor along with various blankets and a pillow. The only thing that covered them, and did a very poor job of doing so seeing as it was only hiding their groin areas, was a thin sheet.

Dean smiled in his sleep. Everything was falling into place now. Not only was he in the arms of the one he loved most, outside of his small family of two, of course, but he no longer felt scared or as if he had to worry about anything. Life was peaceful. Life was perfect. Life was Castiel.

Morning's first light spread through the room, carpeting the wooden floors in warmth and rays of gold. Dean nuzzled into the body under him, perfectly content with staying in bed all day. Screw graduation. He would still get his piece of paper in the mail- he didn't need to go to the school to be handed an empty folder for show.

He felt two hands on him- one running short nails up and down his spine and the other sending its digits through his cropped hair. He was awake, but he didn't want to open his eyes. What if this is all part of some lucid dream? What if when he opened his eyes, the hands would disappear? What if…. What if? No. What is…this? _What is this?_ he thought, his face scrunching up at the feel of something cool and wet hitting his cheek.

"Dean."

"Hmm?" he replied in a semi-disgusted yet fully groggy tone.

"Dean, you need to get up. If you don't you will be late for Sam's graduation, and I will never have enough time to get your drool off of my chest before it solidifies." Dean's eyes shot open, his face blushing with embarrassment. Had he really been drooling? He brought a hand up to his mouth and wiped away the string of saliva that was making its way down to Castiel. Yup. He had been drooling- and on his boyfriend, to make it even better! It was their first morning waking up together and it would most likely be remembered as the morning Castiel found out Dean drooled.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, sitting up in the bed and pulling the sheet to cover more of his body. Castiel had already gotten up and was walking to the other side of the room, stark naked. Dean took in those lean legs and protruding hipbones, licking his lips and humming happily at the delicious figure in front of him.

"It's alright. It's not like this is the first time I've woken up to your spit on me."

"Wait, what?!" he asked just a bit too loudly.

"Don't wake Gabe up. If we're lucky, we can both get out before he starts asking questions in between pop tarts. But yes. After all those nights camping out and sleeping over, well, you always got a bit hands-y at night. I would wake up to you kicking or elbowing me and drooling on my shirt." Cas laughed and smiled as he talked, which made Dean feel a tiny bit better about the situation, but embarrassed still the same. "Now come on, get that pretty ass of yours out of bed and dressed. Sam's probably going to want to see you before the ceremony starts. He's got to be at the school early, so the sooner you get back home, the better."

"Are you trying to kick me out?" asked Dean with a hint of sarcasm as he caught the shirt Cas threw at him. The older boy walked over to the bed and pulled Dean in for a long, tender kiss.

"Only your morning breath, babe."

"Shut up."

"Only if you get over to your brother before he decides to barge in like Gabriel."

"Sammy wouldn't do that. He's too scared he'll walk in on us." Castiel raised a brow and stiffened. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just…I didn't really give much thought as to how your family would react to us…in a more…intimate manner." Dean bit his lip and scratched at his neck, his other hand ringing the shirt he had yet to put on.

"Yeah…. Last night at dinner he asked who bottomed. Jokingly! He isn't actually…well, you know. He doesn't want to know. My mom doesn't either. She just wants to make sure we're being safe and…."

"Dean." Dean looked up slowly to see a nervous Castiel zipping up his jeans. "You do realize that when we go over there…."

"The first thing that everyone's gonna think is that we had sex."

"Yeah." Castiel reached his hands out to Dean, who slipped the shirt on and gladly took them. Castiel pulled Dean up to his feet and rested his chin on his shoulder, tickling his neck with fleeting kisses. "Hold off on brushing your teeth. If it gets too awkward, we can always knock them out with your dragon breath." Dean tried to act insulted, but even he had to admit that his morning breath was bad. It was a combination of stale beer and garlic and holy hell, how did Castiel stand to kiss him?

Going against his boyfriend's request, Dean made his way down the hall in borrowed boxer briefs and a shirt that was rightfully his two years ago before Cas took it and never gave it back. He entered the light purple bathroom, toothbrush in hand, only to find Gabriel sitting on the toilet. Well, the toilet tank, thank God. He looked at the golden-haired man, long hair slicked back into what he called his "fancy pants go-to style", and drunk eyes. It was quite humorous, really. One eye was wide and bulged while the other was squinted, eyebrows furrowed in a constipated manner, all above a that always present shit-eating grin on his. Toothpaste bubbled along his lips, some dripping down onto his chin.

"Howdy," greeted Dean, pretending to tip a hat that wasn't really there. Gabriel lifted a finger to keep Dean quiet as he stepped off of his perch and walked over to the sink, spitting out the toothpaste with all of his might. He rinsed his mouth and proceeded to use mouthwash, just for good measure. When he was finished, he used one of the hand towels to wipe his mouth and threw it into the wicker hamper against the far wall. He did not look very happy.

"You fuckers kept me up all night." Ah, so that was why he had giant bags under his eyes. "All. Night." Dean shrugged and gave his best innocent face, knowing very well that they would not hear the end of this for at least a week. "Next time, at least have the common decency to _try_ and keep quiet once two A.M. hits." Gabriel walked out of the bathroom, his oversized white shirt and grey sweatpants practically falling off of his small frame. Dean went about brushing his teeth and spiking his hair fairly quickly so that he could get back to Cas, and then go and see Sammy off to his graduation.

It was almost time to leave when he got back home. Mary and Sam were sitting at the kitchen table, finishing breakfast when Dean walked clumsily walked through the door.

"Morning," he croaked. Sam gave a chuckle. _Oh no,_ thought Dean. _This is not good. He only chuckles like that when-_

"Well I guess we know who bottoms," his little brother said with a smirk. Mary's mouth dropped open and she hid her face. She knew that Dean and Castiel were having sex. She wasn't an idiot. But there were some things that just did not need to be brought up at the table. Pulling herself back together in record time, she looked over to Dean, who was bright red and silent. "Oh. Oh God. Oh God I need bleach. Brain bleach, brain bleach. I do not need that mental image."

"You're fault for bringing it up, Sammy."

"Boys, not at the table. Please."

"He started it," mumbled Dean, just loud enough for his mother to hear.

"Fine. If you boys want to talk about…that…then why don't we all sit down and have a nice talk about safe sex." Just as Mary thought, that got both of her boys to keep quiet and finish getting ready for the first graduation. She could play their game. She may be their mother, but she _was_ a teenager years ago. She smiled to herself as her boys made their way to their rooms, avoiding making eye contact or brushing up against the other. After gathering her purse, keys, and camera, Mary sat down on the couch and flipped through photo album. Its floral cover had been gathering dust over the past few years despite her constant cleaning. Well, that's what you get for neglecting books.

The photo on the cover was of Dean holding Sam, taken the day he was brought home from the hospital. Sam was sitting in his brother's lap, both of them looking down at the various vinyl cases Dean sprawled out on the floor. Dean had tried from the get go to have Sam join him in his love of classic rock, starting by showing him how "awesome" the artwork on the albums were, but Sam had other plans, now listening to pop and a bit of grunge here and there.

Her warming heart stopped short when she opened the book. Glaring at her was a picture of John, still youthful and happy, holding baby Dean. His eyes were sparkling and his smile was bright.

"Oh, John," she said under her breath. "What changed in you? Why couldn't you still look as proud of your son then as you did when he was born? What made you so cold?" She flipped the page. Family pictures that had faded from the years were holding strong to the cement that kept them tacked in place on the crinkling pages. John was on every one of them. Maybe, just maybe, that was why she had refused to look through this album for so long. It was filled with "what was", which sent her sky rocketing into "what could have been", only the have her land in "what actually happened." Her heart ached, not for the lost years, but for her boys. They deserved to have a father who loved them unconditionally, a father who was always there for them, a father who didn't make them feel as though they were worthless and teach them to hold back their emotions. Sam and Dean did not deserve John as a father.

"Mom?" She closed the book and looked up to find Dean standing at the bottom of the stairs fiddling with his tie. "What's wrong?" he asked as he walked over to her, taking note of her watering eyes. She reached up and rubbed his shoulder.

"Nothing, sweetie. Just looking through some old pictures is all. Now why don't we go and get your brother?" Dean nodded, making some comment about Sam spending more time on his hair than a girl as he jumped up the stairs. Mary, knowing how her boys would argue a good three minutes before giving up and coming down, took the gained time to walk into the guest room on the first floor. Once inside the light blue room, she opened the closet door and knelt down on the ground. Behind boxes and bags of seasonal decorations was a chest, and in the bottom drawer was a box. She had called it her "Box of Happiness," but over the years, or rather, since John left, it had become a place to lock away bad memories. And that is exactly what she did. By the time she closed the bedroom door behind her, Sam and Dean were standing at the front door, and the photo album was locked away in another world.

"Well, don't you boys look handsome! Let's go outside. I want to get a picture or two before we leave." Sam and Dean did as they were told and stood in front of the hydrangea bushes Mary had planted a few summers back. The pinks and blues and purples of the flowers added a nice pop to the front yard, and if gardening is what made her happy, then hell, she could rip up every inch of grass and plant every kind of flower for all Dean cared. "So long as mom's happy." That was his motto. Even when he was little, even before Sammy was born, Dean had been cleaning up after his father. Some men just aren't meant to be dads. John was one of them.

A low whistle brought the brothers out of their daze, allowing them to look away from the camera. Gabriel and Castiel were standing off to the side watching with amusement. Dean took in his boyfriend, standing a few yards away from him in his slacks and light blue dress shirt. The tie was what did it, though. That same damn tie he had worn to prom that made his eyes turn electric.

"Dean-o! You gonna look back at that camera so we can get to the school? Or are you just gonna stand there and mentally undress my brother all day?"

"Gabriel!" Castiel said, elbowing his older brother as Mary shot him a warning look.

"Right, right, sorry." Sam chuckled at the trickster in his pink dress shirt. Pink! Well, it worked for him. Gabriel noticed the younger Winchester eating him up and raised a brow at him, his facial expression turning into something questioning and mischievous.

"Okay now, you two. Get over there and join them." Mary was frightening when she was serious, and right now, she was in a serious picture-taking mood. "And I don't want to hear any ifs ands or buts about it. Just think of this as making up for the prom pictures I never got to take." Gabriel giggled as Castiel walked over to join the brothers. Mary directed him to stand next to Dean, who quickly snuck a kiss as he linked their pinkie together. Mary was eating it up, Dean and Cas were in their own little world, and Sam was still looking at Gabriel.

"Alright now, Gabriel, your turn." The oldest boy looked a bit confused. He wasn't graduating, so why should he have to join them? "I want one of all you boys before your sweat stains start to show. Goodness only knows why they have to have all those people cram into a small auditorium." The last picture was taken and Gabriel grabbed his brother by the arm to rush him to the car.

"We'll meet you guys there. Just gotta do something real quick," he said with a wink.

"Gabriel," Castiel began once they were in Castiel's car. "I thought you said we were going to go to the police after the graduations. We won't have enough time to-"

"That's not where we're going, little bro. Now just follow my directions."

The Impala pulled into the middle school's parking lot with ten minutes to spare before Sam would have officially been considered late. He leapt out of the back seat, adjusting his maroon tie and fixing his rust coloured shirt, leaving Dean alone with Mary.

"He's gonna do great next year. I wish I could be there, at least for freshman year. High school's tough." Dean kept his eyes locked on his little brother as he saved himself from tripping and falling face first into the doors.

"He's going to be just fine. Besides, Gabriel will be around more once he finishes with his semester, and you and Castiel are only an hour away if anything happens. You boys are always welcome to come home on the weekends."

"I know, Mom. Thanks." Mary hugged him, reassuring him that his moose of a brother was going to be all right.

"Now, let's go find some seats."

They found four seats near the front, thanks to some miracle, and made sure to mark two as "saved" for the Shurley boys, who found them ten minutes later. Mary sat in between Gabriel and Dean, who had Castiel on his right. Every time she would glance over at them, they had their hands touching in some way. Before the ceremony, their pinkies were linked just as they had been before during pictures. When the headmaster was making his speech, Castiel had his hand over Dean's, rubbing small circles on his fist with his thumb. As the names were being called, their fingers were tangled together.

Sam Winchester was the last name called. He walked across the stage and took his diploma, looking out into the audience to find his family. He saw them immediately: Gabriel in pink, Mary in yellow, Dean in green, and Castiel in blue. They were one Winchester away from being a fucking rainbow. Sam could only imagine what their pictures were going to look like. Mary cried, Dean gave a nod of approval, Castiel smiled, and Gabriel winked. Gabriel actually winked at him. Sam walked off the stage with a face that matched his shirt.

After the ceremony, Sam ran around looking for his family and friends, whom he found over by the edge of the little forest that ran around the west side of the school building. Dean bear hugged his brother, and was soon joined by Mary. When Sam managed to pull away from his family, he looked over at Gabe and Cas, who were watching from a few feet away. He ran up to them, face still red stuttering. Castiel congratulated him and Gabe pulled him into a hug. Sam thought his world might end right there. And he was perfectly happy with that.

A flash brought him back into reality. Mary was holding up her camera, snapping pictures and grinning at the boys. She had half a mind to tease them about one day repeating this at their wedding, but she stopped herself. Her son was in love with a man eight years older than him, and although she trusted Gabriel with her boy's lives, she was not going to give Sam any ideas. If he knew that she was okay with them being together one day in the future, he might want to rush things. Gabriel, knowing all of this already, would only hurt him by saying no.

"Okay," she said, lowering her camera. "Would one of you take a picture of the three of us? And then we need to get over to the high school." Castiel took the camera from her and counted to three, taking the picture, and then a second one, just in case.

They were at the high school with half an hour to spare before the ceremony began. Whoever thought to have the graduations on the same day within an hour of each other needed a talking to. Dean and Castiel wandered off to their homerooms to check in and slip on their caps and gowns while Mary, Gabriel, and Sam went to find seats. The day had remained pleasant. The sun was out but it wasn't humid, making the heat barable. The school had the football field set up for the ceremony. At one end was a stage and two sections of chairs, each containing fifty lawn chairs, stretched out to the 50-yard line. Additional lawn chairs had been set up on the other end of the field as well as in front of the rows of bleachers for the guests. Anyone who didn't find a seat would have to stand along the lines of trees at surrounded the field, but seeing as it was such a small graduating class this year, no one had to worry.

The trio had just sat down near the front of the stage, half way up the bleachers, when the music started. Mary had her camera out, ready to take pictures and yell at anyone who said the flash was annoying, while Sam and Gabriel mentally danced around each other. Gabe could tell that Sam was nervous around him, but in the cute way. For a tall boy he sure did blush a lot.

"Hey, Moose," he whispered, elbowing the giant discretely. Sam leaned in, too shy to turn his head and look at the trickster. He was not expecting thin lips to find his ear. "Some day soon that's gonna be you walking out onto that field." Sam scanned the rows of graduates, all decked out in their caps and gowns. The boys wore maroon while the girls wore gold- the Samuel Colt High School colours. He gave up looking for his brother and Cas and turned his attention to Gabriel.

"When it is, will you be here watching?" Gabriel chuckled and nudged Sam.

"Watching and cheering for ya. I'm gonna be the loudest one in the stands. Hell, I might even bring a confetti cannon."

"You promise?" he asked, setting his puppy dog eyes to stun and he looked into the golden orbs in front of him.

 _Well of course,_ he thought. _By then you'll be eighteen, and the first thing I plan on doing after you graduate is running down to that field and kissing my boyfriend._ Gabriel had to choke back his words. Mary was next to him and he didn't want to push Sam. He had to be respectful. Besides, he didn't want to deal with Dean's wrath any sooner than necessary.

"I promise." He wanted to hug Sam, to wrap his arm around him, to do something to claim him then and there. The boy didn't look fourteen. Hell, with his height and face, he could easily pass for seventeen, maybe eighteen if he would get a damn haircut.

His focus was thrown back to the field as the ceremony officially started. Speeches were made, thanks was given, family and friends were welcomed over and over again by every superintendent and Tom, Dick, and Harry that stood up at the podium. And hour later, the names were called. Castiel was sitting in the second to last row. They had the kids split so that they were in alphabetical order by last name, one row flowing into the next before moving back, giving everyone enough time to walk up to the stage. Dean was directly behind him, which meant that as Cas walked across the stage and back to his seat, his boyfriend would be standing there watching him. He made to back to his seat in time to see Dean cross the stage and look over at his family.

They hadn't come out to anyone besides Mary and their brothers. They didn't want to cause any last minute trouble during the school year, especially with Azazel and his friends still hanging around. Castiel had wished in that moment that they had come out. He was proud of Dean, and he wanted to show him, publicly rather than in the safety of a closed off room. Well, he would show him there later, but for now…. He sighed to himself and followed Dean with his eyes and he found his seat behind him.

"May I present," came a booming voice over the speakers. "The class of-" Castiel stopped listening. All he wanted to do was to turn around and kiss Dean. The crowd cheered and caps were tossed, and as if Dean could read his mind, he grabbed Castiel by the shoulder of his gown, spun him around, and pulled him in for a kiss.

Suddenly, most of the graduating class's cheers turned to whistles. Meg Masters could be heard yelling "Finally!" while Benny, Jo, and Ash shared an "I told you so," and a "way to go, Brother!" Dean could just imagine Sam pretending to gag (boy, was he ever wrong about that…) and Gabriel snickering. They broke from their kiss, arms wrapped around the other and lips inches apart, smiling. Castiel pecked Dean on the lips quickly before being ambushed by their friends. Benny slapped Dean on the shoulder and Jo hugged Cas. Ash stood there nodding his head in approval.

Dean and Castiel walked off the field hand in hand. As they made their way over to where Mary was standing, they saw Azazel, Uriel, and Luke standing by Naomi and a few other parents. Dean winked and Cas blew a kiss at them. There was nothing they could do to them anymore.

They boys were congratulated by their family and teased about the kiss, as was expected, and made their way to the cars. Mary was a bit shocked to find Dean opting to drive home in a different car than Castiel, but she kept her mouth closed. By the time they pulled into their driveways, it was nearing five. High school graduations took much longer than Junior High School ones, that was for sure. Between the never ending speeches, the names, and pictures, and the kiss, which felt like a few second but in reality had been a few minutes of making out, the day was almost fully lost.

"Gabriel, Castiel," Mary called from the driveway, her respectable heels digging into the sand coloured pebbles below her. The brothers walked over to her as their partners (or rather, boyfriend and future boyfriend – which made Gabriel turn a lovely shade of pink), got out of the Impala. "I'm taking Dean and Sam out to dinner, and we would love it you would join us."

"As much as we would love to," began Gabriel, taking note of Dean and Cas leaning up against Baby, once again wrapped in each other's arms. "I have to pull my brother way from your son for a few hours. I promised him we would do something tonight to celebrate. Besides…." He paused as he cleared his throat before singing quite loudly and off key. " _One of these things just doesn't belong here!"_ Castiel rolled his eyes and slouched his way back to his older brother. "But we would be more than happy to have you three over later for some movies and ice cream. I'll even supply the toppings."

"Hey, Gabe! Why don't we bring toppings so that we can actually have some? That sweet tooth of yours can cram an entire isle of candy down you throat in one sitting!"

"Watch it, Dean-o! I may be cramming candy down my throat, but we all know you prefer something else down yours!" Dean's eyes widened as he shot a finger out at Gabriel.

"Shut you cake hole!"

"So, Mary, how does eight sound?"

Dean had expected to come home from dinner to find Castiel and Gabriel arguing over what movie to watch. He had expected to open the door and find candy covering the floor. He had expected to crawl into bed with Cas that night and hear about how it went at the police station.

Dean did not expect to turn the corner, pull up to their houses, and have his world shattered by three police cars, lights blazing, and cops swarming the house which was now crossed off with CAUTION tape.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen: Welcome Home**

 **Song: _Welcome Home (Sanitarium)_ by Metallica**

 ***Song will reprise from final verse and chorus later on in the story**

 ** _Welcome to where time stands still. No one leaves and no one will. Moon is full, never seems to change, just labeled mentally deranged. Dream the same thing every night, I see our freedom in my sight. No locked doors, no windows barred, no things to make my brain seem scarred._**

Dean's heart sank into his stomach. He fumbled with the door, almost falling out of the passenger's seat of the Impala as it opened. Mary was the next to get out of the car. She walked over to where her oldest son was standing, frozen and shaking on the gravel, eyes jolting around the scene in front of them. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and looked on for herself, taking everything in and wondering what had happened, only breaking her concentration when the door to the backseat opened and Sam shuffled out of Baby, taking one long stride, and started to cling to his mother and brother.

 ** _Sleep my friend and you will see, that dream is my reality._**

"Boys, go inside please." It was a whisper. A very shattered whisper, but a whisper nonetheless.

"No. No way, Mom."

"Dean, please don't argue with me. Take your brother inside and I will be there in a minute."

 ** _They keep me locked up in this cage._**

"But, Mom-"

 ** _They can't see it why my brain says Rage. Sanitarium, leave me be. Sanitarium, just leave me alone. Build my fear of what's out there. Cannot breathe the open air. Whispers things into my brain, assuring me that I'm insane._**

"Dean! Please." Dean stood his ground. With the reality of what was going on displayed before them, no one wanted to argue. Mary knew that her boys were strong, but that didn't keep her from thinking the worst. An ambulance was pulling up to the house now. Its flashing lights broke through the darkness of the night with a force so powerful it almost knocked Dean over. A portly man stepped out of the vehicle but seemed to be in no rush. His companion, a tall man who felt the need to wear his sunglasses at night like one of those douches from daytime television do, walked over to a group of police officers and began asking questions.

"Where is he?" asked the douche. One of the officers in the group took him to the front of the yard.

"You up for a little game of hide and seek?"

"What does that have to do with…. Oh."

"Yeah," replied the officer.

 ** _They think our heads are in their hands, but violent use brings violent plans. Keep him tied, it makes him well. He's getting better, can't you tell?_**

"That's a lot of blood. Holy shit." Dean's intestines were churning and being ripped apart, but that didn't compare to the feeling he got when the officer turned around to reveal the back of his vest. **_BALLISTICS_** was written across his back in bright yellow letters. He started to sink to the ground but Mary and Sam held him up. The worst-case scenario was pretty much inevitable in that moment. _No,_ thought Dean. _Please don't bring out a body…. Please don't. Dammit, Dean, just wake up. Just wake up. This is all a bad dream. Just wake up!_ Dean didn't wake up, for this was not a dream.

 ** _No more can they keep us in. Listen, dammit, we will win._**

"Hey!" shouted one of the officers. "Hey! You can't be here! You need to clear the area!" he yelled as he made his way over to them.

 ** _They see it right, they see it well, but they think this saves us from our Hell._**

"Dean, please take Sammy inside." Dean didn't have much of a choice. His little brother was fully supporting him now, which included all but carrying him into the house where he was put down on the couch. Dean didn't have time to feel pathetic. His mind was racing and his heart had all but stopped.

 ** _Sanitarium, leave me be. Sanitarium, just leave me alone._**

Mary walked into the house a few minutes later, explaining that the officer wanted to ask her a few questions after she told him they lived next door. Dean sat still on the couch, his back hunched over and his hands fisted between his legs supporting his head. She rubbed her son's back, trying to comfort him.

 ** _Sanitarium, just leave me alone._**

"Dean?" He didn't answer her.

 ** _Fear of living on…._**

"Dean," she said once more, gripping the keys to the Impala and standing by the door.

 ** _Natives getting restless now…._**

"Sam, go upstairs and get a change of clothes for you and your brother. Put them in a bag and hurry back down." Sam nodded before running up the stairs. He returned in record time, zipping up a backpack.

 ** _Mutiny in the air…._**

"Mom?" he asked, looking back and forth between her and his brother. "Mom, what's going on?"

 ** _Got some death to do…._**

Mary swallowed hard, once again trying to be strong for her boys.

"Sam, Dean…. There was a shooting next door. Gabriel and Castiel are at the hospital…." Dean's head shot up to look over at her, his eyes bone dry and face so white, even his freckles seemed to have vanished.

 ** _Mirror stares back hard…._**

"The officers didn't tell me much, but they said that it should be okay for us to go and talk to Gabriel."

 ** _Kill…._**

Dean stood up slowly, using the arm of the couch for support. He still hadn't had time to fully process what was going on. In fact, he feared that when he did, when everything caught up to him, he wouldn't make it through the processing.

 ** _It's such a friendly word…._**

"What about Cas?" Mary met Dean half way and embraced him, running a hand through his hair and motioning for Sam to join them.

 ** _Seems the only way…._**

"He's in surgery. Dean, he was shot…. He was barely alive when they found him."

 ** _For reaching out again…._**

That time, Dean really did collapse around his family.

 **TWO HOURS EARLIER**

" _One of these things just doesn't belong here!"_ Castiel rolled his eyes at his brother's obnoxious singing before getting lost in thought about how soon he would be able to ravish Dean for the entire summer. The talk of Mary and the boys coming over later for a movie and ice cream, or rather, what Gabe didn't manage to eat before they returned, brought him back in time to see the family of three pile back into the Impala and drive off. Gabriel turned to his younger brother and slapped him on the back, urging him to go inside.

"Let's change quick before we head over to the station. It may take a while, and I don't know about you, but I am dying to get out of this tie."

"And I'm not?" Castiel replied. "You got to sit in the shade for the ceremony. I was squished between sweating bodies in the direct sun for it!" The brothers laughed as they made their way to the door.

"Huh." Castiel looked at his pondering brother. "Cassie, did you see me lock the door before we left?"

"No, why? Is it unlocked?" Gabriel pushed the door open, answering his brother's question. "We were in a rush. You forget to lock it more often than not. Let's just change quick so we can get this done and over with. As eager as Gabriel was, he still stopped in the kitchen to grab a soda. He had to satisfy his sweet tooth some how, and boy, after a full day of no candy, he was craving sugar. Castiel, on the other hand, all but bounced up the stairs, loosening his tie in the process. Today had been a great day, and tonight was going to be even better. Mary didn't seem to care that the boys were spending their nights together, but then again, she didn't hear them. Out of sight, out of mind, he guessed. He was happy- happier than he had been in years. In his whole life, even. That happiness left him as soon as he opened his bedroom door.

"You just gonna stand there and gawk at me, boy?" Cain was sitting on his bed surrounded by empty bottles ranging from beer to whisky. His hair had turned completely silver with a few strands of white and black, and he had a raggedy beard to match. His oatmeal Henley was stained and ripping and there was dried blood on the pushed up sleeves. The boots that kicked Castiel countless times were caked in dirt and grime, hiding under lived in jeans. "Answer me, boy!" he barked.

"Cassie! You okay?" called Gabe from the kitchen.

"I'm fine, Gabe."

"Oh," Cain said as he stood up, pacing around the room. "So you'll answer your brother but not you father? Disrespectful. But then again, you've always been like that, haven't you?" Castiel kept quiet. "Answer me, dammit!" His father's voice echoed through the house. Gabriel came pounding up the stairs, coming to a sudden halt when he saw his very drunken, very angry father. Cain just laughed at them.

"You know, all I wanted to do was surprise my boys. Found out I didn't need to stay on that trip for the extra week, so I came home. Was hoping to meet that Meg girl you went to prom with. Kept thinkin' to myself, I bet my boy's treating her real well in bed. Turns out, I was the one who got the surprise. I walked into the house and heard you moaning, thought that you were takin' her, that she was doing a woman's job of making a man happy." He lifted a half filled bottle of Comfort to his lips and chuckled as he took a long swig. "But then I heard _him."_

"Cassie, don't listen to him."

"Shut the fuck up, Gabriel! Better yet, get out of my sight! Your brother and I have some unfinished business to attend to." Gabriel looked at Castiel, who motioned him to leave them, his eyes begging, filled with fear and anxiety. Gabriel tore himself away from the scene and opened his bedroom door, closing it again but staying in the hallway. What Cain couldn't see wouldn't hurt him. He took out his cellphone and dialed 9-1-1, placing the opened device on a small table in the hallway.

"I heard him screaming your name. Heard you screaming his. I bet you were all splayed out for him, ass up in the air and legs spread like the little bitch you are. Bet you let him fuck you senseless until he filled that little fairy ass of yours with his sperm. It's disgusting. It's repulsive. It's unnatural." Cain took a step forward, and then another, and then another, until he was face to face with the quivering Castiel in the doorway. And then he began to applaud.

"And today, well, that was some show you boys put on at graduation. Bet you didn't expect me to be there, but oh, I was. I was standing by the trees, waiting until after it ended. Was gonna congratulate you on a job well done. Thought that maybe I was just imagining things the night before. But no, you had to go and prove me wrong. What you two did was sickening." He grabbed Castiel by the arm and pulled him into his room. Gabriel ran to the door from where he was standing in the hallway, but Cain slammed it in his face. When Gabriel's clammy hands got the door open, Cain had Castiel's back pressed against him, a handgun to his jaw.

"What are you gonna do, boy? You gonna use that fairy magic of yours to save your brother? I always told you, Castiel, if you ever turned gay, I was gonna kill you. I never go back on my promises." Castiel managed to elbow Cain mere seconds before the gun was fired. A blood curdling scream rang through the house as the bullet shot straight through Castiel's shoulder, nearly hitting Gabriel who had made his way closer to them.

"Dad!" Gabriel yelled. "Stop this! This is madness! He's your son, dammit, we both are!" Cain cocked the gun again, getting it ready for a second firing. Castiel's face was bunched and distorted from the shooting pain. Warm blood was oozing from both the entry and exit wound, racing down his body and forming a pool at his feet.

"Dad…. Dad, what would Mom say? What would she think of this? What would she-"

"Your mother's dead you son of a bitch!" With one arm, he held his bleeding son up, while the other arm aimed at the gun at Gabriel. Tears were escaping both boys' eyes. Whimpers were the only sounds that broke the silence as Gabriel closed his eyes and prayed, waiting for the bullet to hit him. The gun went off. Gabriel flinched. A piercing screech and the sound of bone shattering drowned the property. Gabriel opened his eyes and saw Castiel curled up on the floor. Cain ran a hand through his hair, setting the gun on the bedside table.

"Don't move, Gabriel, or I swear to God, I will shoot you dead." Cain's eyes tore down any defense mechanism Gabriel had left, any courage or hope that was still running through his veins. He watched, helpless, as his father walked around to the front of Castiel, tilting his head and eyeing him with that somber stare. And then he kicked. He brought his boot back and thrust it into Castiel's ribs, dead center.

Once. The ribs.

Twice. The hips.

Three times. The jaw.

When his boot hit him the fourth time back in the ribs, more cracking could be heard. Castiel was lying in a small ocean of red, face and arms swollen and purple. It was near impossible to tell where the wounds that were allowing him to bleed out were. Everything ran together into one great, big, beautiful mess. This was Cain's masterpiece. With the fifth blow, he knocked Castiel into the bedside table, knocking everything off of it- books, clock, and gun. He was about to go in for a sixth blow when sirens broke the barrier. Cain turned his focus to his other son, lips curled and nostrils flaring.

"What did you do, boy?" Cain didn't yell. The calmness of his voice was unsettling. Gabriel couldn't speak, nor could he move. He had only found out about the beatings the night before, and even then, when he tried to imagine what his little brother had been through, he had never imagined them to be like this.

Gabriel's focus was broken by a third gunshot. Cain fell to his side, screaming in agony and cursing everything he could think of.

"Gabriel…." Gabriel ran over to his brother, his heart breaking not only from the sight of him, but from his voice. It was cracking and cold and soft and full of desperation. The gun was clutched in his hand. Gabriel helped his brother let go of the weapon and walked over to his father.

"This is for Cassie, you bastard." Dress shoes don't do nearly as much damage as boots, but all five feet eight inches of Gabriel Shurley mustered up the strength to kick Cain square in the jaw.

"Gabriel...help…please…."

"Cassie, Cassie I gotcha. It's gonna be okay, buddy." Castiel tried to laugh, hell, he wanted to laugh as sick as it was, but chocked on his blood instead. He winced at the feeling and taste as he coughed it up, sending it spattering to the floor below him.

"Gabriel…."

"Yeah, Cassie?" Gabriel maneuvered his arms under his brother. While Castiel was taller, he was skinnier, very much on the scrawny side when next to Gabe. He lifted his brother up, struggling but managing and started to carry him out of the room and down the hall to the stairs.

"Gabriel…. It's just…another…typical...Saturday….night for…me…." Castiel lost consciousness, going limp in his brother's arms, and Gabriel's world went cold.

 **PRESENT HOUR**

The Impala pulled up to the hospital in half an hour, and before it could even come to a full stop, Dean was half out of the car. Sam rushed after him to make sure he didn't fall or trip or get hurt while Mary went to park Baby. Sam pulled his brother to the side and fought against his stubbornness, telling him that he had to calm down before he went in. Dean was entering a state of shock, so dammit, if he couldn't think before he acted, then someone who didn't have the love of his life in the emergency room was going to have to think for him.

Sam hugged his brother and got him to calm down a bit. He thought it best to wait for their mother before going in. Dean was going to need all the support he could get, and Sam knew that if anything had happened to Gabriel, he wouldn't be much help to Dean. Mary came up the walk as fast as she could in her heels, slowing as she reached her boys. She gave Sam a look that said, "I thought you would have been in there by now," only to get a, "He needs both of us," look back. She took Dean's hand pushed open the door.

A woman named Tessa sat at the front desk, twirling her short dark hair around a finger and looking over at an elderly couple, mumbling something about them dying soon. Sam cleared his throat to get her attention, and they were soon directed up to the third floor. From there, she told them, they would be able to follow the signs to get to the operating room's waiting room.

Every step seemed to take them nowhere, but if there was one thing they remembered from Dean's visit, the elevators were incredibly slow. They passed the sign for the second floor and kept climbing. The sign for the third floor was both a relieving sight and a horrifying one. One left and two rights later and they were standing in front of two metal doors that were covered in peeling white paint. Mary pushed one open and let her boys into the waiting room. Every seat was empty except for one in the farthest corner.

"Gabe!" Sam didn't mean to say his name so loud, but perhaps it was for the best. Gabriel's head jolted up, revealing his puffy red eyes and tearstained cheeks. Sam started to walk over to him but stopped cold in his tracks when Gabriel stood, hunching over. He was covered in blood- his brother's blood. Sam retreated to where Dean and their mom stood. He wished that he were a little boy again so that he could hide behind his mom, but part of life is growing up and facing harsh realities. Sam couldn't hide from what happened. None of them could. Before anyone could process what was going on, Dean and Gabriel met halfway in an embrace, both of them falling to their knees.

 ** _No more can they keep us in. Listen, dammit, we will win. They see it right, they see it well, but they think this saves us from our hell._**

"I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry," Gabriel croaked, his voice and body trembling. "I couldn't save him." Mary and Sam found their way to the floor and joined the group, all of them crying. It was midnight by the time they were able to collect themselves and sit in the chairs. Sam had fallen asleep on the turquoise couch and Mary had gone down to the Chapel to pray. Dean and Gabriel sat in the corner.

 ** _Sanitarium, leave me be…._**

"I couldn't save him, Dean. I just stood there and watched."

"Don't say that, Gabe. Don't you dare fucking say that. He isn't dead. He's not fucking dead."

 ** _Sanitarium, just leave me alone…._**

"He lost so much blood. He was shot twice, Dean, and on top of that he had the shit beaten out of him."

"But he still had the strength to shoot your dad in the knee, to get him down. Dammit, if he had that kind of strength, I just gotta believe he has enough to pull through this. And the doctors-"

 ** _Sanitarium, just leave me alone…._**

"The doctors have been trying to save him for hours. He blacked out when I was at the top of the stairs with him. Paramedics took him from there. They had to fucking sedate me to get me to come with them. Said they would worry about us first and then come back from our dad, that we were more important."

"You are. He deserves to die."

 ** _Fear of living on…._**

"But Cassie doesn't." Gabriel took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "They arrested him. They took my statements after I woke up, but from the scene, they had enough to lock him up. He'll be in there for life, but he wont get the death penalty. I say let him rot. He's a demon that's plagued this family for too long."

 ** _Natives getting restless now…._**

"I should have known something was up. He tried to call a few times last night but I ignored him. We were gonna get everything fixed today. Dammit, it's all my fault I should have answered and I would have found out he was back." Gabriel curled up in his seat and began to cry again.

 ** _Mutiny in the air…._**

"The empty beer bottle…." muttered Dean under his breath. Gabriel looked at him over his knees.

"What?"

 ** _Got some death to do…._**

"When I came over last night, there was an empty beer bottle on the counter. I thought you had gotten lazy or something and I threw it out. Gabe, he was in the house last night. Oh shit. Oh shit, Gabe he was there…." Dean fell off the chair, rocking on the floor as he rode out his panic attack.

 ** _Mirror stares back hard…._**

"I can't lose him, Gabe. I fucking love him so fucking much. He's my family. I don't know what I would do if I lost him." The last time Dean had cried like this was when John blew up at him. As painful as that memory had been, as painful as the cutting and attempted suicide was, it didn't come close to what Dean was feeling now. Castiel was his life, his world, and it was all coming to a stop.

 ** _Kill,_**

Gabriel kept quiet. He knew that Dean needed to ride this out so that he could function, even the slightest bit, when the time came. For now, though, with everyone else checked out, he let Dean dissolve into a hopeless mess of tears and snot and shaking limbs piled up on each other.

 ** _It's such a friendly word…._**

A door opened and a man stepped out. He was still decked out in his surgical gear and was saturated in blood and sweat and puss. He sprinted over to the two broken down boys and helped Dean back up into a sitting position as he called for someone else to come and help. His yelling woke Sam, who was at his brother's side in an instant.

 ** _Seems the only way…._**

The surgeon took off his mask and looked at the three boys, his eyes glossy and clearly sleep deprived. Breath hitched and an unearthly coldness swept through the room as if all of the life had been sucked out. Dean felt his world spin out of control as his body finally caved under the stress and anxiety. He blacked out, welcomed into the numbness of it all, falling over on the brown and green carpet. The last thing he heard was the doctor asking for Gabriel Shurley.

 ** _For reaching out again…._**


	18. Chapter 18

Hello, everyone.

I know that I have been silent for quite some time. A lot has been going on, and I haven't had it in me to write up until recently. I wanted to thank you all for sticking with me and my stories over the years.

It is with a heavy heart that I announce that I will be deleting my account, along with the stories. Due to the events that have taken place, logging into this account comes with horrible memories, and I feel that if I want to continue these stories, I need a fresh start.

My new account is titled "MoonbeamAlchemy" for those of you who wish to begin this new adventure with me. I will be re-amping the stories I have on this account and republishing them, chapter by chapter, on the new one. If you would rather follow me on AO3, my account there is "Juniper_Mason" but that is a strictly Supernatural account. I hope to see you on my new account.

This one shall be deleted on Halloween. Thank you, all, again.

-Juniper


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